i dont know much
i can't recall
either
nor do i understand
too good or too less
the swaying away
or staying firm
i don't remember
the going
or coming
even or odd
head or fall
is it the winters game
or falls season
there's no alternative
no going back
i dont!
dancing away with the pain
and joys
i dont remember much
as my memory can't trawl back
it cease to be !
in the moments of downfall
if my wings could fly
or date back to time's origin
we never know who, what
and why
i never sought
too consumed to think
hanging on
around and around
there
here
like a clock's tic tic
now i sit
without substance
just like this
avoiding a narration
that it hurts like a knife in heart
stabbed deep
so deep

don't die
we all need you
you are too good
it doesn't matter to us what you feel
we don't think
about you
nor do we care about it
don't give us despair
you are mad--full of craziness
we don't understand anything
but too good
your actions make us want to have you more
like an addiction
we do take your presence for-granted
we believe we have a right on you
you let us think this
so we do it
we don't see your tears
we don't feel your thoughts
it doesn't matter to us
i told you we are all indifferent
but i assure
we all need you
you bring us good
you do us good
you make us feel good
yet perhaps we are not able to do same
because we can't
if we will
we fear of losing you
who will we have for free?
such a good deal
who leaves!
We don't..so we don't bother
about you
for you
don't expect
are you listening me?
you can't die
you are too good
who will make us feel good
if you die?
don't think we will cry
our lives will still continue to go on
unlike you
who stops and cry for everyone
don't expect us
we are all indifferent.

some days you are less likely to feel anything
as if there is a bizarreness sitting in you
like infinite stars in every inch of you
exploding in you, with you
and you are burning too bright
like an erupted lave
with all sort of exposure
looking at you directly
facing you--arguing with you
and some days you feel
your whole body is eaten up
as if somebody nurtured all the energy from you
such days are the blessings
so are the other days
and some days it is equally impossible not to feel small
as if nothing will appear
the spaces between atom and cells
you will feel too delicate to go on
each of your cell feels invisible
easily blown away
fragile vulnerable weak
and some days you feel tough
too tough to break anything
anyone..
as if you are made of strength
that holds you up
made up with character, vision
mind and thoughts
that are not breakable
as if they will build you up, like of building blocks
sensitivity and too much being alive makes it for you
feeling more than human
and you feel infinite, mesmerized and eternal
forever.

such alone-some time
i feel
in my heart
my heart is like a machine
that never ceased
my eyes shut
sleep is shattered
the midnight dream
this little whim
all a messy thing

II
I hated people spoke
words are not the medium
but a reflection
shrunk heart's;
memorial of harshness
nothing persists
but some madman's roar
they cared only what they had
i am unaware of my state
in good humor
my heart listens to the world's lost glory

III
that blue sky, a dreamer's passion
flower like of red, pale, purple
such soft and beauty
thorns with them- and they die too
sobs my little heart within me
my mouth is quite
i am of depth; like of an ocean's
might and profoundness
such passions !
I despise them all
pale face; dim lips- grey eyes
colorless theme all around
my life like a motion picture
without of ******, or an end
Of its beginning i couldn't recall
recalling has been too ******* my mind
despite still, i could still spot them
one by one
and could believe it never came through me

IV
Counting and calculation are not my natural traits
i still am nature's most gifted soul
i blink, and i start crying
without tears, without care
i am diminishing little by little
tree holds too many leaves; those leaves reminds me of my rejections
reminiscent of my worn-out love
all your beauty, all your wits, all your profound speeches
i wish to believe them to be true
truth adores me, truth comes to me
like a weary emotion
whatever i write, i couldn't bother to read again
such tiredness in me
i don't plan any written stuff, or care about any stanza's; or any grammar
pain don't know language- its a hearts lost freedom
where our souls are its captive
since long
my idle state- my idealism, and my dreamy world- i long to be in there
reality is too big enough for me to take
i am solo in my ride

V
freeze, frozen- cold statue
a little gift you all brought while you appeared
with you, took away my pieces of sacred heart
claiming to having had felt
these little pangs, sore aches within ones soul
i bother not to confess that i am of another land
this world- i never enjoyed !

we are the people
who care only
when there's no care left
we are the people who are void of empathy
we are the one who speaks
while our emptiness sparkles within us
we are the hero's we are the losers
we are everything what we desire to
we are just not ourselves

we looked upon as a stars
we looked down as meagre ones
whatever we feel is alien to others
we are missing ones, we lose ourselves in shapes of others
we are seeking ones, we are loved ones
without love..we love only where's nothing left
it is insane to expect, why do we still care
while everything hurts-- the people, their words their actions
we are everyone and everything
what we long to
we are just not ourselves

not to be longing not to log in with spirits
we desire to hold a spirit-- while our spirits shrink within flesh
we are the forgotten ones , we are the victorious
here are the notions we must not take for-granted
despite we do, till it is finished
it seeks us everything- we finish it without seeking
we begin it without finishing; we finish without starting
we dwell upon sadness, we dwell upon frightfulness
we desire to be whatever we wish to
we are everything, we are everyone
we are just not ourselves

silence holds me like a forgotten friend
i answer with all my sinking-- where to be how to be what to do
these are all the wondering i wonder every now and then
with all considerations, i wonder how to ****** lost souls
to transplant the missing gaps, not to desire a thing
we hold onto despite; we let go with ourselves
we are everyone..we are everything
what we desire to
it's only..we are not just ourselves

the extra ordinary matters to meet the ordinary ones
time for everything, time to do all chores
we beseech our manners without mannerism
we leave a mark which nothing heal
the materialism overshadow us-- we sign with our gestures
to make it worse..without realizing
we realize when its gone..yet we don't amend
we are our shadows, we are our fleshes
we are souls we are the sinking hearts
to be seen everywhere, to be felt in each pattern
we are everything we are everyone
what we desire to
we are just not ourselves

do not brag 
do not care
do not worry 

it is all at His will 
whilst you care- people leave 
whilst you speak- people accuse
whilst you express- people mock 

do not show
do not mind
do not expect

let it be 
let everything be 
let everyone be

do not cross
do not embrace
do not feel

people don't bother much-- rightly so
everybody care for their own-- rightly so
Still they are growing with loneliness
Right, left..loneliness and emptiness
they eat, pray, speak
with loneliness, emptiness

world is full of noises; everyone hiding
It is neither making sense nor bothering much
but too concealed

Still do not bother
do not be feel
do not speak

it is what it is
it will what it will

remember nothing remember no one
Go and have the soul of your own
without using your mouth

So i don't talk to you anymore
i am my own; for myself
and if i, by any chance, wish to speak
i will let my words go in slain; by choice  
and turn to you, no further
today, my destiny singing song of forlorn
i shall keep my head up
and may sing, happy songs
with nightingales of hope, and birds of joy  
i will be my own shelter
I will keep life alive !
And on and on and on, i will dwell
like a wise person-
and by my own desire,
i will have no desire to be, anymore
this is the courage of my own freedom- i take pride in my blood
i dance in ecstasy of being alive to the moment
i swim in passions of my heart's beautiful existence
towards a sweet destiny i will go
the beloved is most beautiful to the beholder
and man sits, like a sadist; regretting of his idle dreams
i am angered to see such a waste of life; such purities went in vain
yet indifference cannot be met with bowls of honest
so i shall go on and on, not to be stopped
every tone of this world makes me a dreamer
that language is neither understood nor felt
it's a world of deaf, with mute voices- my silence be of significance than empty words
and i continue to exist, for myself, by myself- in bowls of these ecstatic sweetness !