This body seems unfamiliar when it's pressed against mine
Because it's a stranger I never met
Someone who never met my eyes
graced with a smile and read too deeply in
But that was not an invitation to put his "manhood" between my legs

His fingertips gently ran down my skin
then roughly found their way to my hips
and suddenly his lips met my lips
And I froze
I was scared
ashamed in myself
was it me?
was me not saying that I didn't want to have *** not clarification enough?
was me trying to roll over because of your efforts not a sign?
and I cannot believe I kissed you good bye in the morning.
In fact I can't believe I stayed the night but I was tired and ashamed of the body I was in and hoped when I woke up, I'd be a different person.
And I was.

It comes in flashes
Like a video reel
Cutting from clip to clip
Of your face
Your smile
Your eyes
That laugh.
I can't go back,
and I'm strangely
okay with that.

My itching ears
But Your words are clear
That you never wanted
me to be here
Things you could have said
But never did
Made me decide that
I want to quit
Sometimes love is not beautiful
Not an equal effort
Sometimes giving all that you can give
With nothing in return
Is like watering dirt
But wait, that's not love.
Is it?

I can see the light in your eyes
when you look at me.
The one I could never feel inside myself
but the ones that I saw in others.
I fed into their flickering faint flames
that were barely burning.
Ones that will one day turn to ash.

I see a fire in you
that so bright
that it makes me feel warm
when I've always felt so cold.

Can you keep me warm?

I am trying to see a light
covered by a shadow.
Remnants of an old lover
That I am trying to cover.
Memories won't be replaced,
Just put on a shelf.
I promise I see you.
You are like a lighthouse
guiding me back to the shoreline
as I have drifted way
too far out in to the ocean
to find my way back on my own.
I thought this was going to be good.
I thought that
he would be my life raft
and I would float along,
and it'd be fine
but you get delusional
after drinking too much salt water.
The storms came
and my ship shifted
and couldn't survive the damage.
I ripped myself apart
to patch the holes
but they were way
too big for my skin.
I can only do so much.
He sunk, and at first I thought I would too but I am being guided back home by your light,
please don't forget that.
You are my light.
Thank you for being my light.
When you need me, I will be yours.

A story on a faded picture,
One I've never seen.
A bright, bold lavender flower,
And a towering evergreen.
I'm full of dirt and soot,
Coming clean in time.
I think to myself
"One day I'll stand as tall as the pine."