I find that ribs aren't broken by force,
The snap comes from initial shock
Of razor sharp silence.
Churning and grinding usually occurs as time rotates past
Like the wheels of a car that you hope to god would hit you.
Eventually, you realise that your ribcage implodes due to heartache
And the hearts desire to destroy itself
Before he, or anyone else, can.
It's a funny game of Russian roulette you play with people.
That one bullet in the revolver...
That one glimpse of a "maybe";
Maybe, maybe this one will be the one to stay.
And as waves pound the shore for forgiveness
You torture yourself with the thought
Of finally letting go of solitude.
Not before the silences consume every brain pulse;
Harder to digest than constant rumbling of crowds.

Into the walls
of your ******* brain
I've always wanted to carve my name
so that when this is all over
when this is all nothing
you'll still remember me.
You've always been the type of person
to forget people like me
too easily.
Don't you dare,
Don't you dare forget me.
I have my ways
to make you remember.
And you're gonna want to
tear your head apart
looking for a way
to stop my name from scarring,
Sweetheart, scars fade
But I'll make sure the pain
and memories remain.

Well, at least i can't remember
the last time I woke in the middle of the night
screaming your name clutching the emptiness in my bed,
it was terrifying, i don't remember the dream
but I know I woke up needing the only thing
that was never, ever there.

And for weeks,
I cried myself to sleep
still clutching empty nothings
that made their way into my bed.

They still watch me sleep,
but are now at ease
that you and i don't talk anymore.
Self induced loneliness,
I suppose, because
you always said they weren't real.

Tying ribbons around my fingers
to remember to forget you
one day,
and
like theres a tornado in my head
I'll destroy myself
'til then.

october mornings
in a cafe in france
early morning tea
sitting on the street as
the early morning mist
kisses our feet.

It's okay,
It's okay because
I'll follow you into the rabbit hole
and eat that cake with you
so that together,
we're bigger than the world.
It's fine,
It's fine because
If you ever slip off the edge
I'll jump straight after you
so niether of us are alone in this world.
It's all better,
It's all better because
Deppressions depths
wont take you alone anymore,
I'll sit through the tears, screaming, blood and pain
just to wait for the day you smile.
It's perfect,
It's perfect because
You are beautiful
you make me feel beautiful
and I'd give up the world,
just to stay with you forever
even if that means
getting lost in Wonderland
Or soaring off the cliff we both love so much.

Did I forget to mention
How adorable you are
When you're intoxicated?

Or was the sarcasm not thick enough?

And do you forget
When "I dont wanna be dr-drunk anymore"
Dribbled from your mouth?

You stink.
Go home.

Like mood swings
on a pendulum,

My desire to give a ****
has gone again.

Only glass shatters
stop your plastic tears,

You're too **** precious to know a paper cut
I'll scream at you real world fears.

Imagine a world
without fear...
We'd all throw ourselves
off buildings
and cliffs
thinking we could fly.

                                       Imagine a world
                                       without love...
                                       it wouldn't look
                                       much different
                                       to what it is now.

From afar I stand structurally sound,
No large gashes or permanent pinkish slashes,
But wind your way closer and peel back your eyes
The rust begins to show,
Climb inside I'm slowly eroding,
And collapsing.
Most feel it's better to partially admire
From behind a series of cement structures
Only glimpsing at my strength and stability.

And I am the monster
That lives under your bed.
Just to make sure you lay awake at night
Like I always did, thinking about you.

And I am the curse you get
After walking under ladders.
Just so you'll never love again
Like I had badluck with love after you.

And I am the rumour
Living on your lips.
I'm gonna haunt you
Just like your rumours haunted me.

And I am your curious hands
That touched everyone else
but me. I never loved you.

And I am your tattered clothes;
Covering you
But leaving you cold.
Like I was, so cold, after you.

And I am the demon tattoo
Stained on your chest for eternity;
Leaving my mark on you
Reminding you of me
Forever. But I will not think of you.

And I am the deep purple scars
On your fists, stomach and leg;
The ones recieved in street fights.
I fought to hard
For someone I would not keep.


And I am the gin
That made you lose me
Completely.
I will love again after you.

I know it's real,
2000 years with a lack of sleep
I'm forever dreaming and it's of you
Flutterbies and burnt dandy lions
I walk a thousand miles in unknown shoes
I've lost control, slipped into madness
And drowned in a scent that brings me home
I still don't know if you're real.
A day to day existence
No substance
And heartache reassurance
I miss you, the clouds are cold without you
And it's winter but fire rumbles within the ground  
The elements miss you and fail to comfort me like you do.

The worst part is,
I would actually do it.
I'd take the gun,
Just like she did,
And shoot myself
If I was given the chance.
I've always been uncertain
Of my future.
My minds always changing.
Anyone who knows me,
Would've known that.
No one knows me.
I'm scared.
I'm scared of change.
I'm scared of the future
And how I'll get from here
To there.
I'm scared of this world.
And I'm scared of me.

My jagged teeth are gleaming.
My eyes are waiting, dear.
I want to watch the sun set
On your beautiful heaven
& give birth to light
In your ******* hell.
I can't wait to see the look on your face
When you realise you like hell better.
I'm awaiting the day you burn your ******* bible
& make a shrine to Satan instead of God.
Oh, how that day will make me happy
In a sick & twisted way.

I'd like to break my ribcage open,
And bash my skull with the shards.
To forget this pain,
Heartache and torture.
I felt it coming,
I saw it... touched it
And fell on it; it pierced like a vampires stake.

I am swelling with pain,
Overflowing onto those I love,
I am unintentionally; purposely
Setting others on fire.

Selfish, stupid, broken;
No ones deserves this pain
But me.

George Foreman



                               Never




Let me down



                                        With his fat-draining grill.

I’ve lost track
Because that’s what happens
When the frequency of an event
Is high.
None were the same,
But all had the same ill intent.
Something along the lines of
This body is mine to use
You owe me this
I’ll get what I want.

The flashbacks come like waves,
Changing intensity with the moon.

Much of my life has held the essence of the moon.

I’d sit asking for guidance,
Relief, happiness, help.

It took some time,
My prayers had a way to travel.

Now I sit warmly with the moon,
Discussing how
This is my body to use
I owe myself this
I’ll get what I want.

And through gaining my power back,
The waves calm,
And I thank the moon.

Today,

My english teacher,
with blonde curly hair
and the body figure of a stick,

told me,

that I am no good at poetry.

a heated argument then arose,

poetry techniques were
flown everywhere from two
different airports; our mouths,
and because I have the temper
of a four year old,

I hit her.

She was knocked out
and blood dribbled from her nose.

Later,
after she came to,
she apologized,

but I'm still deciding
whether or not
I should let her out
of the classroom
supplies cupboard.

It gets dark here sometimes,
Like the curtains have fallen on the last act,
seats empty and lights dim.

It gets dark here sometimes,
Like the last of a hundred candles
Has melted away to a mere puddle of wax.

It gets dark here sometimes,
Like the fog too heavy, blinding street lights
And late night walkers.

It gets dangerous here sometimes too,
Like standing in a violent protest march
As a kid from the 60's.

It gets dark and dangerous here,
I guess they call it 'Night'.

Oh god...
                            You make me want
                                 To die.
             I want to destroy the world around me
             And find comfort in the pain.
             I need you to rip my lungs out
             And give me hell.
             I'm getting bad again,
             Yet all I can think about is
             Keeping your head above water.
             I yearn for the burn of a
             Rusty blade making
             Metallic love to my cursed skin.

I think we were buried,
******* and yearning before we spoke.
A cosmic connection strung out
Over thousands of years,  
Millions of experiences.
Just waiting for the tension to give in
For the spell of gravity to take hold
And pull us back into each other’s arms.

Or maybe it is much less.
Maybe it is just chance,
Change,
The right time.
Maybe it just is.

Blisters. So many blisters. But I had to keep running. I had to get away from him. I forced the thought of my aching feet out of my mind. I had to keep running. Desperation and fear were now controlling me. My mouth was so dry, my legs burned, my knees were coated in blood and the tears made it difficult to see, but I kept going. The pain and tiredness didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except running.

I have never realised just how dangerous the streets had become… all I wanted was to go out and have fun, but now I was being chased through the town by a hideous beast. The thought of the town going down the drain quickly left my mind, I had to concentrate on keeping the concrete rolling underneath me. I had to keep running.
My dress had begun to tear and my feet looked like the aftermath of a chainsaw massacre. Pain? I could no longer feel it. I didn’t know where I was going… all I knew was that I was going to get away from this man. I had to.

Eventually, I turned onto Swan Street which would, at one stage, lead to the hospital. Once at the hospital, I’d be safe. I hope…

RUN! RUN! KEEP RUNNING! The words stuck on repeat in my head. Out of curiosity, though, I spun my head around to see if he was still there. Black. Just the black of the night followed me. A screech from deep within my body erupted. It was a noise I’d never thought I could create but I continued running for the safety of the hospital.

Then, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I turned down an alleyway, in hope it be a quicker route to safety, and stopped halfway down the alley. There he was. Just standing there. His grin gleaming in the dim light. No longer could I scream. No longer could I run. Fear had taken a strong hold on me, forcing me into becoming a statue. He begins to laugh as he moves closer and closer and soon enough he reaches his hand out…

Emtpy. Just emptiness. At first, I thought I was dead until the throbbing in my head begun. I was alive and in a dark metal box. He, the predator, had won his prize.

It’s disheartening and debilitating to come to the realisation that yes...

I want to die


Or...


At the very least hurt myself severely.

And I am ashamed.
Terrified.
Sick to my stomach because that thought should never cross my mind
But I’m stuck here day in and day out
With it dancing across my frontal lobe taunting me.
‘Dying would be a delight’.

Impenetrable prison bars line my serotonin and dopamine deprived brain.
And the straight jacket I’m in steals my ability to break my bones to drown out the silence.

‘I always wanna die. I always wanna die’.

Is it bad to hate who you are?
Is it bad to fall apart when that number appears on the scale?
Is it bad to want to rip yourself apart?
Is it bad to just want to bail?
Failure is something we all know too well.
Self-destruction shouldn't be such a pretty thing to me.
Happiness is not a pill they sell.
No one can save you from yourself, see?

The seascape in my mind
Just became dark
Filling with morbid clouds
And fiercely black swell.
All of a sudden it switched
And the tv static that only my ear drums can conjure
Became forceful and loud.
In an instant,
Conversations I never imagined,
Spoke loud and vividly.
“I can’t leave my bed today,
Im dreaming of killing myself”
Why?
I feel intoxicated,
And nauseous.
I feel unsafe,
And I can see myself
Dipping under the waves.
Why?
Send the coast guard,
I can feel my lungs draining.

Maybe I’m just empty space...
Crawling... dissipating.
Sinking into this nameless,
Faceless, loveless,
Human afterthought.

You and I.
You. And I am damaged.
I’ll rip myself apart and scrape the dust together,
Maybe I’ll build myself from the ashes...
Or maybe the wind will tear through this canyon again.
I live in a depth you don’t want to understand.
You and I.
You.
You don’t say you love me anymore.

As it continues to grow darker,
My lungs continue to morph or dry out.

Air.
Is it a saviour or suffocation?

"I've seen you trace the straight lines on your wrists,

There's such precision; it makes me sick.

To waste such elegant canvas',

With the use of ****** lines...

It doesn't make sense.

How?        Why?

What compells you, sweetheart,

To do such a thing?

There was never any beauty

Behind geometrical lines."

I've always been unsure of you,
never knowing whether  
you're a psycopath or if you just
care too much about people
who don't deserve to be loved,
people like me, who
just take and take and take,
who abuse every one for their stupidity
and poeple like me who never love.
You've always been to clingy
asking how I am
too many times in the short span
of one day, if I could really be bothered
to count, I'd say you'd say hello
at least 10 times before midday.
And it's scary.
Don't get me wrong,
admiration is cute,
but it transforms into stalking
very, very quickly.

Some sort of monster from the deep,
or the haunted darkness,
has taken its needle to me,
tying me to this surgeons table,
burnig in cold, cold metal,
stitching my filthy lips together,
digging its claws in to my lungs,
shattering my ribs and stealing oxygen,
Hands tensed, skin tearing on my knuckles,
I can't scream with my head in a vice,
constricting and getting smaller,
brain fluid will drip on your feet monster,
Thrashing about on the table,
like a fish out of water,
the cable ties around my hands and feet
finally pop and I'm free,
my tongue it taunts me though,
it wants to, but it can't speak,
Bones now burn to dust,
I crumble and it takes me,
stolen by the darkness
but i'm still scratching at the walls of insanity.

Right now, though nothing is wrong,
I feel as though everything is broken
and continues to break.

There is a constant war,
Between my heart, mind and soul,
Three usual allies,
That have now turned their backs.

At the current point in time,
Words, poetry and I,
No longer have that connection, or love,
We used to share.

It tears me apart,
To even think what I am about to write,
But I truely feel as though,
I am no longer able to write,
Or create art.

I will never abandon this site,
Nor will I ever discard poetry,
It will always have my heart.

Poetry is not a game,
It's an art, a love of words,
But I can no longer compete.

The black deer graces headlights again,
Unusually an often occurrence.
Beams burn the animal,
But it feels love.
Absolutely, entirely backwards.
The deer is broken,
Like the light reflecting off your cheeks.
Head pain, a headache,
Left little for the mind to chew
And I've been suffering for weeks now.
I drew inspiration from dust off strangers feet.
I've never been so dull, so bland, so colourless.
Mental instability, she's pretty but she's dead
And he's looking for cheap ****.
Welcome to psychedelia and the twisted webs of today's society.
Paint your own empty shadow,
No one else wants it until you join pop
And pop ain't my thing.

So ready to let go,
so ready to just slip
and fall for eternity
to the middle of the earth.

Far too cold
and far too lonely
up here,
I just want to be gone like you,
to be free, in a different world.

Give me strength,
give me reason
to breathe, to live.

lend me a smile
that wont hide
depression.

give me everything
you have to offer
or let the earth
open up and ******* take me.

The aching turns to
   Throbbing
And it's breaking my ribs again.

The faux colours after the rain
    Fade
Dimming to black once more.

It's a hamster wheel I'm stuck in
     Rotating
Dragging me up and down,
    Rupturing semi-calloused skin.

Bashing my head against bars
     Locked
In this place, a metaphorical mental jail.

Stuttering words that shatter my teeth
   Nonsense
This sadness isn't real,
   Yet It's here.
And I can feel it. It's drowning me.
I can't breathe. But it isn't real.
So I find solace in it like binding myself to a religion that doesn't leave a bubbling sensation on my tongue.

This word is dark and everything is tasteless.
    I can't remember what sunshine tastes like
On the back of my eyes.

Besides, I've lost all feeling in my brain
And my nose bleeds again
    But I bashed my face against a wall
So maybe it's my numbness dripping on the floor.

I.
Potent; iridescent and
Dripping.
Muffled like the white noise
Of a radio warning broadcast,
On repeat...
30 years after nuclear WAR.

II.
So beautiful;
Other worldly and distorted.
I am fascinated;
Drawn to you as if
A moth to a flame.

III.
This is merely a reflection.
Swinging back and forth,
Hypnotic.
I am coming undone
Dragging my chained brain around.

IV.
How dusty, how dark,
How disheartening?
Like concrete shoes,
My brain sinks
In a vast and vicious
NOTHINGNESS.

I'm so homesick
But I'm home...
I'm not living, not alive
Just waiting to petrify.
Solidify and one day melt
Into your arms again.

You are my home
And you are so far away.

"Gather 'round!
Gather 'round!
It's time to open this cage up!"**

In a circle we sat, mumbling of things
that never made sense to me,
smiling at the black sky in the middle of the day,
like it was normal.
Black skies aren't normal.
Slowly, slowly something inside me
begun morphing, changing
I lose control and these hands,
these fingers claw at my rib cage,
my chest, struggling for grip
They found it, and tore this ******* cage open.
Suddenly the spotlight turned to me
and everyones eyes are black
and they're dripping,
dripping blood, but whose?
Propped up against the brick wall
with my bones broken
and hanging open
All of you, coming in closer,
All of you ate me.
All of you ate me.

Run away.
Come save me and run away.
Run away, *******!

We could leave this world for a better place
I swear one day, we'll find it.
We'll cut the dying smile from the earth's face
and eat that ******, on our journey.

Look into my eyes,
Run away.
Take my hand and run away with me.
RUN THE **** AWAY!

We're better off dead,
I can't live here without you,
The earth, there's nothing of it left,
Not for us anyway, people here will melt.

We don't need the shackles of their doubt
Their chemical words burn
But I swear we'll make it out
alive, alive and kicking. Tonight we'll run.
Tonight we'll run.
Tonight we'll run away.

There is no escape from the metal that fills the rooms
and taunts you in your sleep, whispering your name, waiting,
such a silly game it plays, a winning prize not much of a reward,
it is blood and close encounters with death
that keeps you dealing cards, just to see what one's next,
a yearning that drills your brain like a thunderous migrain
and yet, you still manage to sleep all day,
Ghosts are tired of bashing down your bathroom door,
you know painkillers won't stop it anymore,
they're real and only you can see them now,
I heard they're trying to put your body underground.