Your promises of forever and love
Were not permanent with devotion entwined.
They were empty and fractured.
A freezing reality of my deep seeded submissiveness (a poison).
Believing you was the vicious rumbling of my foundations.
Ferocious rattling amidst the tornado winds tore me to pieces.
A silver lining, though, reveals itself through everything.
Sometimes directly after the fact,
But mine shone through years and months later.

I’m better for it.

Maybe because at the time I wasn’t succeeding at treading flood water.
Maybe my lungs were too full of thick, black water that you polluted and brewed within me.

Either way, the gruelling wait.
The heart breaking, tormenting, torturing wait was so worth it.

I am better for it.

At each second I feel your toxins seep from my veins, my bones, my skin and slowly sink back into the ground.
And the space is replaced with a magnitude of better things.
Freedom… love… myself…

You found me
Shrivelled and collapsed
Wilted and completely withdrawn,
Dangling on the brink of death.
A shell of myself,
A prospect of what I was meant to be.

But you stopped…
Reached out,
Hands open,
Heart whole and bright,
Watered and held me,
Dragged me into the sunlight.

Unable to stand
You held the stake I grew upon
Kissed and nurtured and tended to me.
You let me rise and find my strength.
You showed me the warmth I’ve never felt.
I shone once more.

I’ve never been so loved, so supported…
So…
h o m e .

I’m so thankful.
I’m so happy.
I’m so me.

And I love you.

You can say you made me,
Created me all you want,
But the truth is
I’ve always built myself,
This has been the finest creation I’ve made with raw hands.
All you ever did
Was stamp me down,
Keep me squashed
Under the weight of your narcissism.

But I’ve grown strong,
Bashed and wriggled and crawled out
From under your gloomy shadow.
And I’m shining again.
A certified self-made masterpiece.

i can't see your face anymore,
and yet i taste you every time i close my eyes.
lingering in the sticky gel i gouge out in the mornings,
it smears the mask i've created,
pretending i'm healing.

does the sun finally set
once i've purged you out completely?
or will the flames you wish upon me
drag me back to a clean slate?
phoenix? or perpetual purgatory?

tell me... will i be numb forever?

((your final gift or act of control.))

I once was a stone pilar in the middle of a plateau,
And I was everything for everyone.
But right now I’m at the top of a lighthouse,
Stranded in the middle of the deepest ocean.
And all those that care for me...
Are ships lost at sea.

But soon...
soon, I promise I’ll find my way back to land.
I’ll know what earth feels like again,
Without being eroded by rough swell.
I’ll be everyone’s everything.

And I’ll stand strong and tall,
As a beacon once more.