sometimes
you make me seriously angry.
the way
you try and manipulate me.

I'm just not in the mood.

sometimes
I feel this hole in my chest
warning me
that I shouldn't be your friend.

But I can't find a reason
to leave.

I've already pushed everyone else away too.

looking down
she writes her poems
clears her throat
breathes the smoke

takes a sip
smiles away
and tries to find
the words to say

sitting in your open trunk
looking over the creek
she can still feel the passion
she felt in that first week

though everything has changed
it still seems
that she's never felt this way
a year has passed
and his heart smiles all the same

from first kiss
and handshake
and kayaks
on that first date
the laughing and love still remains

you open the door
while I'm falling into a sleepy haze
and I barely comprehend
who it is
lighting candles by my bed.

it's not until the very first kiss
that I smile
because I am finally able to overcome the sleep
and feel your presence.

it's suicide
really,
cigarettes.

but the wistful
thin milky smoke
reminds me of peace
that I never feel anymore.

the drag
the heat
and I drag my lungs behind me on a gravel road
but the hit
I take
feels
safe

craving
to wrap my lips
around a death trap
an expensive
killer
beautiful
cigarette

When you grow up:

You realize that "love"
isn't mommy and daddy
kissing each other before work
Because they don't anymore.
And you fell in love
but the boy spit on your face
then slid down the slide.

You realize that a heart
isn't just a Valentine's Day card,
but it pumps blood through your body.
And it keeps you alive,
but lots of people die
because their hearts break.
And that boy
who pulls on your "heart strings"
isn't pulling on anything at all.
Because "heart strings"
are found in heart cavities
and he only wanted you to put out.


You learn
the concentration gradient from lungs to blood
is the reason you can breathe in oxygen
and breathe out carbon dioxide.
The pretty tan you get from the sun
is actually radiation poisoning your skin cells.
The contents of your abdomen,
and the functions of your organs.
The pH of your blood
and the buffers that help maintain
homeostasis.

Welcome to the world.

100 years from now
No one will say your name.

75 years from now
No one will hold your hand.

50 years from now
No one will recognize your face.

20 years from now
No one will tell your story.

10 years from now
No one will remain unhaunted by your laugh.

5 years from now
No one will take down the pictures of you.

1 year from now
No one will be tearless at the anniversary.

So tonight
Don't take your life.

You could have a future.

I am weak, (Fading disappearing.)
I create new marks. (Soon they will be gone)
As old scars vanish, (Forever)
Gone. (As if they never existed)

So what was the point?
What was it all for?
Why?

It made me
stronger.