Blood rushes to your head
And your face is turning red
And every word that you said

Has a double meaning
But no one can see it
And they sit in the seats

As you stand on the stage
Just performing a play
But it's real everyday
     and they just applaud
Say, "you act so **** well for your age"
And you reply “yeah I know”
But you're spitting with rage.

You stick to the script
And say thanks for coming out
And you cry on the inside
But don't make a sound
Because whenever you do
Whoever's around
Sees it as a show
You're trying to rehearse
And in each verse
Cries the pain
That you don't deserve,
But you land face first
At the bottom of the pit
And you cry, and you cry
Like the other kids did
When they saw you on stage
And they watched you perform
While you cried
While you screamed
You wish you'd never been born.
Only you know
That after the show
Was when the acting began
And when you really performed.

I can see it now
The skin to skin contact
My knuckles gracefully tearing through thick layers of tension
Slicing a thin layer of fake smile above your lifted cheekbone.
Wouldn’t that feel great?

I don’t hate you though,
Do I?

How could I?

It’s because you hate me
And maybe I just can’t handle that.
*I don’t know how to.

I’d like if we could start off in a little apartment
Empty
Only our skin and bones
To breathe in the dust
A project to fix
A mattress in the corner
Four lamps, 2 sinks.

I'd do anything
To save you.
To stop all of the hate.

I'd do anything
To fix your heart.
To stop your pain.

I'd do anything
To show you.
To stop your mind from closing.

I'd do anything
For you.
To stop you from leaving.

I wish I had someone
To do anything for me.

I like when we squish together.
And your sleepy breaths crash
Like waves
Onto my cheek.
And your heavy hand
Rests perfectly into the curve of my hip.
And your chest rises and falls
Unpredictably and constantly.
And the whispers of your dreams
As I slip into my own,
Where I dream of a moment
Exactly like
This.