a mouth full of cavities
and lungs full of algae infested waters
from sitting too long with no 
escape
from what traps us in these ominous, dank 
gorges.

gaunt faces with sunken eyes
from nights too haunted to sleep
swollen tongues with words unspoken
from submission to
silence
in the face of constant
deceit.

words
left in the veil of fog that masks the ground
every morning over the once green pastures,
stripping the color from the world,
leaving everything
grey 
with the corruption
of what once was
what still is
and what will
remain.

we lose ourselves in the unapproachable
reality
of what we have created
what we were born into
what we will never
escape.

we lose ourselves.
we lose ourselves.
we are all
gone.

we were always empty anyways.
walking amongst the hollow men.
we are the hollow men.
we
create
the hollow men.

we weren't always the hollow men.

tell me how to fill these holes that 
are found in our teeth
in our lungs
in our
souls.

where did all the substance go?

And now my heart has been 
torn 
from my chest and is 
pounding on this empty table before me. 

I watch as it slowly fades back to 
stillness 
and I wonder if I could have saved it. 

I wonder if I could have saved my 
sanity. 

I wonder a lot of things. 
Most of the time my mind is 
racing,  
retracing the steps I took to get here. 

I wonder what cracks I must have stepped 
on to send my world 
crumbling 
beneath my feet. 
I wonder what cracks I must have stepped 
on to create these 
fissures 
in my soul. 

And now I'm terrified 
that I will slowly leak from this 
chasm 
the same way this water runs 
in ripples down the hill outside my window. 

I wonder what I could have done 
to keep from 
falling 
to the floor.

I am cursed with a 
heavy heart 
and heavy hands.
my mouth is molten lava,
meant to scorch all it encounters.
I have leaden feet,
leaving a trampled path in my wake.
my eyes are desolate tunnels
leading to the destruction I will bring. 
devastation at its finest
a carnage of all that once held beauty
a cavernous demise

the grand ******* finale.

There is a ubiquitous
fear
that rests in the darker parts of my soul.
There is a fear so strong,
so palpable,
that it controls my thoughts.
It completely diminishes my capacity for
emotion.

My soul,
the negatives of my life,
have been pre exposed to the harsh rays of
reality
too often to be developed now.
There is permanent damage,
never to be undone.

Damage that one can only become
accustomed to.
So, I will live in fear.

I will live in fear of revealing
too much.
I will live in fear of feeling
too strongly.

I will live in fear of any person
that tries to touch my
mangled heart.
I will live in fear of any person
that tries to sift through the
raging storms in my mind.
I will live in fear of any person that gets close
enough to touch.

I will live in
perpetual fear.
I will live with the reality of my destruction
haunting me.

I will live in
ruins,
never to be rebuilt.

What is this state that I'm in?
It seems as though it is an
in-between.
I am stuck in transition,
yet I am too afraid to move.

I am surrounded by a veil that disguises
reality.
I do not want to move from this unknown land.
I am in unfamiliar territory,
but I feel safe.
That, in itself, confuses me.

I look back;
I want to stay here.
I look forward;
I want to stay here.

The past fills me with
sorrow.
The future fills me with
fear.
Which I would prefer,
I have not a clue.

I would prefer to stay here in this
ephemeral
security;
in this false comfort;
in this illusion.

I would prefer to continue
deceiving myself
and altering actuality.
I would like to live in a constant state
of deception and transience.

Aren't we all anyways?