So there's this thing.
There's this hell of a thing that's been bothering me.
And as I write this out I don't know whether when (if) you read it,
It will make you sad and distant or you'll just grab my hand and call me silly.

You keep telling me you'll love me "forever and always" but just now you admitted you might not.
You've validated my fear that you may someday find someone more beautiful, less crazy, more hot.
And he or she might be all of the wonderful things that you deserve that I am not.

What if we break up again and you don't take me back?
What if you find someone who has all the things I lack?
What if one day you realize you don't love me anymore?
You're already sometimes unsure.

I feel stupid for being so certain about us when you can't be.
I get so scared that one day you won't want me.

Well even if you aren't sure of how you'll feel in ten years, I am.
Even when it's hell being with you, God knows it will always beat not having you.
I just hope you figure it out.
I wish you could say you want me forever starting right now.

We are critical.

We find flaws in
everything we see
because nobody
wants to write
about perfection,
even though sometimes
we wish we could just stay
staring into that
unblemished surface.

2. We are never satisfied.

We live our lives upon
mountains of
scrunched up
bits of refill and
ideas we gave up
trying to
express.

3. We never forget.

We write words about
eye contact made
three months ago
that we replay over
and over in our minds
even though it
stopped
being relevant.

4. We are fickle.**

Our emotions flash
from one
to the other
like strobe lighting that
disorientates us
until we feel as if
the world
will never be still.

5. We are exposed.

We don't know how
to keep our feelings
to ourselves so
we'll write them
down for
you to find
'accidentally'.

6. We are vulnerable.

We wear our
hearts on our sleeves
and won't lift a
muscle to fight back
if somebody tries
to break it
because we thrive
from the pain.

7. We will never stop.

We will never stop
feeling and
we will never stop
hurting,
we will never stop
breaking and
bleeding and
loving
even though the cycle
is endless
and we know what's
coming next.


We are addicted
to agony,
but we agonise
for the art.

There was a time he was crazy about me.
There was one time he called me pretty.
I think back then I often thought about him.
That was the time when I could call him my friend.

Once (long ago) he used to hold my hand.
Was long ago he could call himself my man.
There was a time when I was sad he left me.
My first romance, I was so naive.
I let a stupid boy mistreat me.

Back when he could crush my self-esteem
In his bony hands.
There was a time when we were happy together-
Before I knew I should be treated better.
I'm so glad that now I understand.

Think of it now, he never gave me a compliment.
Because he stopped being attracted to me (I don't get it).
He wasn't kind,
He was never truly mine.

He was terrible and I never knew
But I used to think that it was okay,
There was a time he hurt me with the things he'd say.
A long time ago he wasted my time,
Yet I accepted his every crime.
That was in another life, before I met you.

I may put this poem up again someday but for now I've taken it down because the person I wrote it about found it and used it to mock me and showed it to others so they could laugh in my face.

If I run away will you run away with me?
Oh, if I run away will you run away with me?
We could go to California, or up to New York City.
I don't care, just come along with me.
We could take a train, a boat, a car, or a limo.
So long as where I go you'll go.
We could go by helicopter, bike, steamboat, or horse.
We'll go south or north...
I don't care.
So long as you're there.

Yeah, if I run away will you run away with me?
Let's escape our troubles, you know we've got too many,
But I've got a way out, don't you dare tell anybody!
I'm running away- I'll be gone before the moon.
Say goodbye to my family, I won't be seeing them soon.
Oh, sweetheart, I know our love is new.
But I think this could be it and I'm getting outta here with you!

Oh, if I run away will you run away with me?
Won't pack my purses, or my fancy shoes.
There's just one I need to take and that'd be you.
Take my hand, we'll be there shortly.
Let me rest against your shoulder,
Together let's grow older,
Forever's not so long with you baby.

Come run away with me.
My parents hate you...
But lately they hate me too!
So let's get on out of this place,
I need a new start.
I can write poetry and you can play your guitar.

Dear Lord please,
I know I haven't been the most devout lately-
But I still do pray, to beg aid of Thee.
My pastor said You promise to never give us more than we can handle,
But this is too much.
I want some bit of relief, just a little touch.
My old favorite teacher can't stand me and its reflecting in my grades.
I thought this year would be easier- that's what I'd heard people say,
That was the general rule.
But this year is killing me.
My grades are slipping,
Mind deteriorating,
Sanity drifting...
Lord please help me with school.

My parents are yelling all the time,
At me or each other.
They accuse me of every crime-
Innocent or guilty, they don't care.
So long as I don't cause problems, do everything perfectly, and be sure to maintain my hair.
I begin to wonder if I'd be better off with my estranged narcissistic mother...
My friends hate me.
I'm not exaggerating, just stating facts simply.
They spread rumors and snicker behind my back,
About the apparent virtues and wisdom I lack.
They tell lies, make assumptions, and bully me to tears.
I feel a piece of me die every time I choose to ignore their sneers.
I don't have nice friends, I don't loving family.
Lord, please help people not to hate me.

Then there's this last thing, this weigh on my mind.
The knowledge of this burden, is only a friend's and mine.
I cannot tell my family or jeering friends,
Or even my sweet beloved boyfriend.
I don't know what to do-
Please don't let my fears come true.
The stress, the hatred, the failure, the depression- its killing me.
Lord, please preserve me and save me from suffocating.
So this is me, begging for undeserved salvation again.
Amen.

I first learned the definition of clingyness when I met you.

clingyness is when someone is too emotionally attached; when they just can't give it up; when they're too close to someone; when they can't just throw in the towel; they have too much money on the game.

but clingyness is something you show none of.

some how it is so easy for you to just give it up.

you are like a 911 operator; people call you; people ask you for help, you give them help; you stop caring.

when I first walked into the strange building with no red no white all gold; when I climbed the stairs for the third time that first day; when I finally found a familiar face and heard them say I was finally gonna meet; when I saw you, I was drawn.

your name had lingered once on my lips before I was desiring your lips on mine; your greeting had rolled off my tongue once before I poised it to speak paragraphs of your greatness; your image had sat in my temporal lobe once before my cerebellum was telling my fingers to pick up a pen and write things for you.

you were like the sun and I was a planet orbiting around you; I was pretty much like pluto; you had so many planets around you; your effects barely reached me; everyone forgot about me; I still orbited around you because I had no choice; even though she did receive benefits and no one forgot her your venus felt the same way; you were your own mercury.

you may be smart; you may be able to balance equation in your sleep; you may speak circles around a college professor but if you were truly smart you would know how a treat a women the way that they should be treated.

see you have this way of making women feel like the only way they'll be loved is by being broken; like there is some innate limit on the intake and output of love; like love works like a speed limit; this is so toxic; when I first got pushed away by you I thought it was perfectly okay to hurt myself to receive love from you; the joke was on me because you spent all your love on yourself; maybe that's why you push everyone away you can't give or receive love; so I gave all my love to you and it bounced back but didn't go to me it was just wasted in the air kind of like when I said I loved you as you walked away and ****** I know you heard me.

I was too close to you; when you chose her I cringed; it was my fault; I'm too clingy.

when i began drifting out of your arms and into hers I realized that wholeness is valuable; love doesn't have a limit; I shouldn't have clung to someone who treated me the way you did; I cling to her now but it's okay because things are reciprocated.