Maybe you do love me, maybe you're only half lies. Maybe there's a small part of you somewhere that sees me. as more than just a means-to get to the things you think you need. And maybe what little you give is all you have when it comes to love. Maybe, just maybe. But that's not enough.

You made me think that I was not enough- never even worthy of your insufficient love. You made me spend my whole life believing I was faulty, inadequate, broken. With everything you did- actions and words unspoken.

Not good enough, smart enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough. Not perfect enough to qualify by what was expected of us. And if I wasn't enough for you to love, someone else doing so would be undreamed of. To cut it short, you ****** me up. Now I have no idea who I am because-

You made me think that I was not enough- never even worthy of your insufficient love. You made me spend my whole life believing I should be hidden, stored upon the shelf. With everything you did- all your awful things kept to yourself.

I was the first you made, now I'm a mess you've made. If I believed you could change even now it'd be too late. The damage is done, neither of us has won. I didn't well enough serve your purpose and I'm still being punished for it.

I was promised my freedom for years and it was just a dream. Some constant reminder of my forced dependence you could dangle upon a string. All you wanted was to hold me back and all I wanted was to run free. Well I'm finally doing it without you, despite what you say I'm breaking through. For once in my life I'll be actually happy. Maybe for the rest of my life I'll figure out what it is to be me.

You made me think that I was not enough- never even worthy of your insufficient love. You would still make me think that I am faulty, inadequate, broken. With everything you do- actions and words unspoken.

No longer need I be scared of you, no longer shall I go through things no one should ever have to. You can't ever again make me feel like I'm not enough- because I don't care- I've found another source of comfort and love, and I wouldn't expect you to be there.

The word is tainted. A word that means love, for someone there to defend. It's an honor from above. Yet for you it's a weapon. For your defense, not mine. So you can smile for the public and stab me from behind. Meaning eternal love and tenderness. Not meant for such hatred and excuses. I am a tool for your use, and its too easy for you to cover up your abuse. I hear you were supposed to nourish, not see how secretly you could watch me perish. You should've shown me support, but you preferred to break my heart-
So mother dear please listen. I'll take up some of your time for myself and then. You'll maybe understand-why this is happenin. Don't make yourself the victim, for we both know that is not who you really are. You've been the center of attention. But this time I won't let you go that far


Did you ever love me?-Didn't think so.
Society would say I'm just being dramatic, and it's absolutely horrific, for me to talk like this. Well for once, yes just this once I'd like an opinion. I would like all to see how you've really been. Disillusionment's a *****.

And ****, I can feel my brain as it's breaking. And it's a march through hell- every single moment I spend waking. Don't look to some suspicious cause for what's killed me- for we all know by now that it's my stupid life that ails me. I'm on the brink of giving up, what's a life without love? Condescend to the rest of us- and share your secret of what's enough.

What if everything about my life is a waste of time? Why try to thrive if I won't survive? If you want to try and save me just bear with me as I scream. Broken sobs to match broken dreams, I can feel myself lose my grip on everything. My body's just slowly collapsing. I only sleep so much because the only place I find peace is in my dreams. If it's all a waste of time, why suffer through a life, that can't bring me happiness? I'm getting so **** tired of this.

Show to me the man who has never been sad and I will pity him. For to never feel loss, you'll've never had anything great to lose. To've never cried is to've never loved. If you were never rejected, you never cared enough to reach, try, and fail.

You know I don't even cry anymore. For I have no more tears to stain the floor. In this hell you call a home. It's too bad what you've become. Were you ever sane? No one will a soul could ever act this way. And it's not okay- the way you treat the helpless things you've made. If it was your goal to break me, well good job- I'm broken. I just pray you won't do the same to them. For they still have their spirits. So please don't destroy it. They can be your golden ones, and I'll be the scapegoat. Just swear they won't go through what I did. I can already see it begin. If you had a soul you'd let me go. If you have a heart, you would just skip this part. We should both know how this will end, you drive me more away with each hateful message you send.

Oh dear brother, please don't lecture me. With the best intentions, but you're so naïve. You don't know, how far you are from the truth. I bet you believe, every lie she told you. I'm not your enemy, I'm not the bad guy here. So please out of respect, won't you lend me your ear? What reason could you have to not trust, these words I say? I'm sure her lies got in the way.

Oh dear brother, please don't lecture me. With your best intentions, but you're so naïve.  I bet you believe, every lie she fed you. I'm not your enemy, I'm not the villain here. So please out of respect, won't you lend me your ear? What reason could you have to not trust, these words I say? I'm sure her lies got in the way. Well listen up and hear the truth in my voice. You and I have just been her pawns without a choice. Happiness is just the path we yearned for. I'm not playing her game anymore- cuz I
Want my own life. I'll live it just fine, on my own. And this will be the best example I've ever known, of too much control.

I do not fear death, only the uncertainty of what the end brings.
I do not fear pain, I've become nearly accustomed to anything.
I only fear life, having to keep going on this way.
I fear continuing-
for what I'm doing can't be living anyway.
I believe there's a heaven, I believe there's a hell.
I'm not sure if what the end brings for me will be of any help.
Maybe it is just an end.
No more pain, no more joy,
no more enemies, and no more friends.
A nothingness.
An emptiness.
Sounds peaceful, if only shy of bliss.