The night you drank too much
I stayed up to watch you breathe
To make sure you didn’t stop
You awoke and began to seethe
I was terrified of your touch
You made my heart drop
Mad at me for not getting sleep
There was nothing more I could give
That time was the last
Leaving was a great leap
Finally able to live
I’m healing from the past

Truly thankful
For everything I’ve left behind
For the death of the person I used to be
Thankful for the one I am now
Goodbye old me
Grateful to be healing from the past
Thought it wasn’t possible at all
Because of how many times I would fall
Over and over again
For the same type of life
The same type of guy
I didn’t know happiness could come from within
My soul is whole again

Healing from your torment
You almost had me
Lost was my sense of self
In agony
Circling inside of my own head
Who am I now?
You had taken it all
Nothing left
I forgive you for the pain
For the year you took away
You were a drug I was addicted to
I'm gonna be okay

With you I was fading
Sober
You didn't like me as much
You told me that
High or drunk
Was better and I was more fun
So I stayed that way for a year
Trying to please you
Never enough
I'm sober now
Away from your influence and misery
I love myself again
No more of your pain hurting my brain
And heart
Which used to beat for you
Is now only mine
And I can't thank you enough for pushing me away
Because away is the best place I've been

I've been away for a while now
I mean, physically I'm here, sure
But am I?
Are any of us "humans" actually living, existing or whatever we're told to call it?
I've never known what it really feels like to be fully in my human shell
Until I met you
And now you're gone
And it's my fault
Everything's always my fault.

Memories I’ve suppressed for years are creeping up again
No wonder I’m like this
Sometimes I feel I won’t be missed
Do I want to be?

I do often wonder what would happen if
Today was the end
If tomorrow never came
If yesterday was a distant memory
I question if
What I'm experiencing will mean something someday
For now I'll stay curious and wait for my questions to be answered
In hopes for some form of clarity