Almost 4 years have passed
Since our first meeting
I wish I could rewind back
To that first greeting
We would kiss, cuddle and laugh I bet
Three things that I lack
If only time worked like that
Just let me go to that one night
The first one and the last
I just wanna chat
And skip the fight
That seemed to end things so fast

Longing for you
Our first kiss was magic
Do you long for me too?
If not, how tragic
Our souls bind
Together at last
Only in my mind
That dream was too fast

Healing from your torment
You almost had me
Lost was my sense of self
In agony
Circling inside of my own head
Who am I now?
You had taken it all
Nothing left
I forgive you for the pain
For the year you took away
You were a drug I was addicted to
I'm gonna be okay

With you I was fading
Sober
You didn't like me as much
You told me that
High or drunk
Was better and I was more fun
So I stayed that way for a year
Trying to please you
Never enough
I'm sober now
Away from your influence and misery
I love myself again
No more of your pain hurting my brain
And heart
Which used to beat for you
Is now only mine
And I can't thank you enough for pushing me away
Because away is the best place I've been

I woke up in Hell
I felt alone
It was a nightmare but I was awake
Endless terror I couldn't escape
You and Jay were the only ones I saw
You both were laughing
Then Jay stayed
I slowly started to disappear
I screamed to you to help me get out
But you kept walking
Angry at me for wanting something
But love is not a want that should be punished
I had given you all of me
The reality was a Hell you created
That you kept me in
Caged in despair
When I finally broke free I realized
The love I needed was with me the whole time
Inside of me I found myself again

I've been away for a while now
I mean, physically I'm here, sure
But am I?
Are any of us "humans" actually living, existing or whatever we're told to call it?
I've never known what it really feels like to be fully in my human shell
Until I met you
And now you're gone
And it's my fault
Everything's always my fault.

Memories I’ve suppressed for years are creeping up again
No wonder I’m like this
Sometimes I feel I won’t be missed
Do I want to be?