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 Jun 2013 madeline may
Redshift
people do not die.

they
fall through pavement
or slide under semi-trucks
or glide off bridges
into the soft embrace of water
into a place
in another state

and i don't ever see them
because they moved away
but they will be back
and maybe it's hard to keep in contact
long distance
relationships
****
but someday we'll hang out again
and it will be weird at first
because we will have changed
and
grown
but after a while
it will feel
just the same
this is how i cope with so much death in my life.
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Annie
Driving in your car
skin cold from the synthetic air
pumping out the vents
your voice sounded like
a cave
and all of the demons
were crawling out of it

ears defying common sense
the boy who broke my heart
who made me this way
is now the newfound
piece to your collection
my heart feels so
deadly.

2 more months until you are gone
and for some reason
i am counting down the days
summer is just another season
one where i don't want you to stay

how can you ******* look me in the eye
when you knew the whole story
and expect me not to
**** everything between us

i dropped my phone and
the screen shattered
and i don't think I'm going
to fix it this time
wanting you is:                                                                        

                                                            like I’m missing a lung
                                          yet still trying to breathe
                                no taste on my tongue
                                        taste-buds, are on leave

needing you is:          

stomach quartered in size                                              
requiring even less intake                                                        
voice-box only utters lies                                            
solely what it can make                                                        

seeing you is:                

my eyes no longer itch                                                                    
you are their soothing balm                                                                                  
feeling my wind pipe hitch                                                        
before i begin to calm                                                                                

                     having you is:

                                         giving me heart attacks
though it beats even stronger
                     my brain, thoughts it lacks
                                           everyday things take longer

hating you is:                  

my mind towered with bricks                          
all walls have gaps and holes                                        
my soul punches and kicks
till my fire is reduced to coals                                            

                                                                                                                  loving you is:

                                                                                                                  never ending ache to my being
                                                                                                                 i require you to live day-to-day
                                                                                                                  you near me is my soul freeing
                                                                                                                      so please, let me live, stay

.≈.~.≈.~.≈.
me attempting rhyme and rhythm, not something i normally do, but a change, its different
 Jun 2013 madeline may
hkr
maybe i'll come
see you
i could use
a ****
 Jun 2013 madeline may
hkr
i'd write you letters
ten words
at a time
but

would you even like
reading ten honest words
from me?
it's not that i don't have the courage
it's that i'm not sure you do.
'                                                       i feel numb
                   but its different
its the type of numb
       you feel when
                      you've been crying too long

                                       your brain
                                                     body
                                                        soul
                                                          is exhausted

              so it stops everything
                                                 feeling
                                                    thinking
                                            wanting
                                      being
                                                         just to rest
for a while, nothing matters
                      you don't care about anything
                                           you've cried all your tears away
                       along with the last problem
                                          you had struggles with

  and you feel
                               numb

                                                             that different type of
                                           numb

**∞
i feel lost                                                                                              
like a piece of
d  r  i  f  t  w  o  o  d                                    

lost                                                                                
cut off          
cast away                                

no direction                                              
no place to be
my resolve resembles a little like                  
a stray hair                                                                
escaped from a bun, plait, braid, pony tail      

i know i belong somewhere
but the wind is pushing me away from it      

and no one can                                          
catch me                                    
to return me there                        

though i know that's
where i belong
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