Bay
there is a light
streak in you
is it a scar?
Does it hurt?
It looks as though
something moved through you
or under you
leaving
such a stark reminder
that refuses to move with your currents
or maybe there's just
something missing?

Bay
I've always liked that
furry trim of yours
the one made of wood
it seems to be
leaning in expectantly
watching your movements
with a loving wonder
I hear it traps bad things init
and holds you on course
A retainer of twisted old spires

I see you there
through a fold in the treelike
I learned today
that you are stationary
yet I see you there
slowly creeping
here

The door has shut
but I have only realized
the solid wood in my face
not that I'm looking
through the cold glass
(how can it be so cold
when you were so warm
to the touch?)
at your light on the
inside

Cut off
everything I had learned
my new enjoyments
and being
held at arm's length
uncertain in distance's grasp


Cut off
everyone I had met
my new friends
and being
held at arm's length
uncertain in distance's grasp


Cut off
Everything that I had become
my new identity
and being
held at arm's length
uncertain in distance's grasp


Cut off
I am unsure
if I will get myself back
upon my return
or if I will even return at all
I am so separate
I question what was even real

My cries for attention
so loud
and tear filled
Ring in the ears
of only the willfully deaf

Graffiti is a beautiful thing
A splash of the soul
in an unlikely place
character and development
hardship and victory
every detail recorded
in ink
where mother big brother father of all
says should be bare
In the cover of my own
independence
I shadow in and shade
my very ****** skin
until I am a ****** no more
and I can see myself inside out
memorialized in permanence
that bespeaks adulthood
a grown up
graffiti

Poor you
all alone in a corner
Crowded in
by the dull furniture
say hello to me
I want to get to know
your lines and colors
even if they're all straight and gray
your movements and
personalities
no matter how still
Don't leave me without saying anything
you're so alone
just like me
and I'm sorry
If I ever gave up on you

The bird's company
is getting
lonelier
as the flock grows
All I hear around me
ever
a cacophony of
chirps
whistles
squawks
an endless song
of open inclusivity
I open my lion's maw
and release a sad bellow
the birds stop
and scream a unified friend
then it's back to the beginning
verse and verse again
and I'm all on my own
with a lonely view

All these pages between us
how will I possibly
express my love
that is not the love
You have?

That's not
foundation
under my nails
it's
failure
I have
failure
on my hands
But even worse
I have it
deliberately spread
all
over
my
face

Take my cold hands
in yours
one more time
I need your
effortless opposite warmth

Here's another
whiny poem
where I lyrically
complain
about
how he doesn't pay
any attention to me
even though I know full well
that he isn't
obligated to

A plane
A pane
so much and so little
separate the two
he and she
they and them
it's all a mirror
of many facets
each sees the other
and themselves
together yet apart
if they could but reach forward
touch skin to skin
glass on nails
so they'd see
their bent reality
unfold
in one whole

Nothing shatters
more easily
or
more painfully
than the
tender white hopes
of an unloved girl

Hey
you're new
and I like your face
and your humor
Let's be friends
How do I politely
invite myself to one of your parties?

I want to break
the glass
but I'm afraid
the shards will cut you
and then my
hind hands will mean
Nothing to you
I couldn't stop that
bleeding
no matter how
soft my touches
Probably because
my hands would be bleeding
too

His presence
begs me to look over
while
the awareness of his presence
Commands I close my eyes

Give it to me straight
a shot of reality
Don't bother with a chaser
I'm used to the burn
afterwards I'll be numb
anyway

What's the impression you got?
I got that you were impressed
and now you're gone
so I'm confused and
abandoned

I wish I didn't have to
pick my way
across each room
I don't want every
single step
to have to be
so carefully chosen
I want to run all out
this tiptoe dance
is tiring me

I dreamed that
I cracked bone
or
enamel between my teeth
but I couldn't find it
in the mirror
and
my friend was in a
living hell
where I could see him
and belonged
I woke up
bewildered
and with the most sore jaw

Shadow and sun
converge on sinkholes
who could have known
Snow could be both so
strong and fragile
to support the entirety
of a complete
and a slight
profile?

A gradient of shade
blocks out what falls
and I'm left wondering
what comes next

Close your eyes little girl
close them and dream
Dream of a day
when all you want is what you have
Dream of a you
completely yourself
Dream of a future
you can live with
Close your eyes little girl
close them against the reality of now
but don't forget
it's what you have to get through
first

Just because I
traveled down a
new road
doesn't mean I can't
revisit old footpaths
favorite strolls
in shady memory past
New destinations
good
not permanent

Take my hand
I'll show you how to
build a castle
with lofty ceilings
and a foundation
of curious cracked concrete
But the windows will be
wonderful stained glass
and the stairs
winding

My strong convictions
which I had
written out on my arm
are fading
and I'm begging them
to stop
to stay
but
I can't see ten enough
anymore

Will these ones stay?
Not many do
My exposure is hard to handle
for long
it takes them time
time enough to raise my hopes
to a haven of peace
and love all around
for them to cut and run
cut and run
through my heart and over my soul
I am trampled and hewn and ******
from so many old stampedes
frightened well wishers
How will these fare?
How will I manage?

Parallels running
stagnant
frozen underneath a bridge
we are unsure where the
water leads
So we watch the light
bounce off it
and theorize

I'm starting to see shadows
in the peripherals of my
memory
the noises are a muffled
echo
this illness filters
I'm scared
I'm alone
stumbling over what was
always there

Alone
in a darkened room
I have hidden
with the
chalkdust remnants
of a dissembled nation

I walk alone
strut and tall
I fly
by
all leather boots
and smeared eyeliner
with a poisoned lip
you can't touch
my black lace
or wild hair
I have a ******* tongue
and no ***** for eyes
and a rhythm in my
woman's hips
Don't you see me flying?
smirk

Smooth covers hold
breaking at the spine
the weight of my conscious

It's the tree of life
get it?
I hope you do because

I'm going in and out
and I need something to
ground me

and you need soil
something to hold

My tongue is dry
is it from a lack of water
or a lack of love?
I'm not sure but
my head is splitting by the jaw
and your cheap medicinal tricks
won't solve a **** thing
they won't fill a **** hole

NEVER GO BACK
a finality I hope not
to hear
in my own fate
is it flexible?
I need the option

I'm clicking my pen
against my teeth
thinking of you
hoping you'll hear
I don't know to what end
but I don't want it to end
some beginning things
would be lovely

I smile all
warmth and
summer of best intentions
host of hopes in spring
lukewarm courtesy is all
I receive
so I just put my head down
to hide my frigid burning tears
ineffectually with my
cold steel hacked so short
and shove my numb hands
into the snow
I have packed into my
ample pockets

My head hurts
because you're forcing my jaw
shut
where you once
opened up an easy smile

dazed and confused
stuck in a murky stupor
the warmth of spring
and the lure of a free day
they tore down the calendar
and stole my books
so here I lay
unaware

The more you look
the more you see
little things
like a patch of red
amongst neatly clipped
chocolate hair
endearing little traits
pieces of a visual whole
that tie the vision together

Somewhere in the apology
I lost my direction
a nervous outpouring
commingled with red heat
In the most obvious of places
and well
my train derailed
in a flurry of regret

I see you studying
the wall there
picking at the
old yellow paint
with your blunt fingernails
absentmindedly
transfixed
by the dapples in the concrete
What a wonderful seat
I've stolen
so close behind you
that I can see these
little lulls in you

Have you ever seen
the inside of bones?
look into your own
the red mess
impossibly deep
pour it out like a slow night
watch it closely
the fragments fall
all you are on the floor
clarity comes
once that experience of
breaking and melting
comes to pass

Answer me
Answer me
You don't understand
please
these ears were made for
laughter
love
the speech of friends
please
answer me
You don't understand
what silence does to me
I'm begging you
please
answer me
anybody
answer me

Sometimes the worst
kind of stress
is the one you can't see
but feel
when you wake up
after thinking you were
safe
to breathe

I traded the view
which was lovely
albeit lonely
for this cramped
poorly-carpeted
hallway

Such a pleasant storm
hidden silent behind those curtains
of hair
I've carefully cultivated
more than ever before
But one side is exposed
so all can see the care
I've returned to taking

Binding page after page
I have no idea how long
this book will be
Or if it will even end
I don't even have words to write
on their bare backs
but each page goes in
and my hands are numb
Page after page
I bind
I bind
Anyway