Bay
there is a light
streak in you
is it a scar?
Does it hurt?
It looks as though
something moved through you
or under you
leaving
such a stark reminder
that refuses to move with your currents
or maybe there's just
something missing?

Bay
I've always liked that
furry trim of yours
the one made of wood
it seems to be
leaning in expectantly
watching your movements
with a loving wonder
I hear it traps bad things init
and holds you on course
A retainer of twisted old spires

I see you there
through a fold in the treelike
I learned today
that you are stationary
yet I see you there
slowly creeping
here

The door has shut
but I have only realized
the solid wood in my face
not that I'm looking
through the cold glass
(how can it be so cold
when you were so warm
to the touch?)
at your light on the
inside

Cut off
everything I had learned
my new enjoyments
and being
held at arm's length
uncertain in distance's grasp


Cut off
everyone I had met
my new friends
and being
held at arm's length
uncertain in distance's grasp


Cut off
Everything that I had become
my new identity
and being
held at arm's length
uncertain in distance's grasp


Cut off
I am unsure
if I will get myself back
upon my return
or if I will even return at all
I am so separate
I question what was even real

My cries for attention
so loud
and tear filled
Ring in the ears
of only the willfully deaf

Graffiti is a beautiful thing
A splash of the soul
in an unlikely place
character and development
hardship and victory
every detail recorded
in ink
where mother big brother father of all
says should be bare
In the cover of my own
independence
I shadow in and shade
my very ****** skin
until I am a ****** no more
and I can see myself inside out
memorialized in permanence
that bespeaks adulthood
a grown up
graffiti

Poor you
all alone in a corner
Crowded in
by the dull furniture
say hello to me
I want to get to know
your lines and colors
even if they're all straight and gray
your movements and
personalities
no matter how still
Don't leave me without saying anything
you're so alone
just like me
and I'm sorry
If I ever gave up on you

The bird's company
is getting
lonelier
as the flock grows
All I hear around me
ever
a cacophony of
chirps
whistles
squawks
an endless song
of open inclusivity
I open my lion's maw
and release a sad bellow
the birds stop
and scream a unified friend
then it's back to the beginning
verse and verse again
and I'm all on my own
with a lonely view

All these pages between us
how will I possibly
express my love
that is not the love
You have?

That's not
foundation
under my nails
it's
failure
I have
failure
on my hands
But even worse
I have it
deliberately spread
all
over
my
face

Take my cold hands
in yours
one more time
I need your
effortless opposite warmth

Here's another
whiny poem
where I lyrically
complain
about
how he doesn't pay
any attention to me
even though I know full well
that he isn't
obligated to

A plane
A pane
so much and so little
separate the two
he and she
they and them
it's all a mirror
of many facets
each sees the other
and themselves
together yet apart
if they could but reach forward
touch skin to skin
glass on nails
so they'd see
their bent reality
unfold
in one whole

Nothing shatters
more easily
or
more painfully
than the
tender white hopes
of an unloved girl

Hey
you're new
and I like your face
and your humor
Let's be friends
How do I politely
invite myself to one of your parties?

I want to break
the glass
but I'm afraid
the shards will cut you
and then my
hind hands will mean
Nothing to you
I couldn't stop that
bleeding
no matter how
soft my touches
Probably because
my hands would be bleeding
too

His presence
begs me to look over
while
the awareness of his presence
Commands I close my eyes

Give it to me straight
a shot of reality
Don't bother with a chaser
I'm used to the burn
afterwards I'll be numb
anyway

I smile all
warmth and
summer of best intentions
host of hopes in spring
lukewarm courtesy is all
I receive
so I just put my head down
to hide my frigid burning tears
ineffectually with my
cold steel hacked so short
and shove my numb hands
into the snow
I have packed into my
ample pockets

Parallels running
stagnant
frozen underneath a bridge
we are unsure where the
water leads
So we watch the light
bounce off it
and theorize

My strong convictions
which I had
written out on my arm
are fading
and I'm begging them
to stop
to stay
but
I can't see ten enough
anymore

A broken pencil
and some cruel words
a nuisance
an uncomfortable memory of a fantasy
that's all I am
now

Such a pleasant storm
hidden silent behind those curtains
of hair
I've carefully cultivated
more than ever before
But one side is exposed
so all can see the care
I've returned to taking

Crooked windows
show more
of their landed view
and they let more snow in
they who built an unsteady house
we need to fix the foundation
raise the structure
and put some books under it
Let's hope that stops the wobbling

My tongue is dry
is it from a lack of water
or a lack of love?
I'm not sure but
my head is splitting by the jaw
and your cheap medicinal tricks
won't solve a **** thing
they won't fill a **** hole

I see you studying
the wall there
picking at the
old yellow paint
with your blunt fingernails
absentmindedly
transfixed
by the dapples in the concrete
What a wonderful seat
I've stolen
so close behind you
that I can see these
little lulls in you

Quivering moon
a reflection of your
old self
penetrating a bus window
or two
so bright aflame
I want to dance to you
as you dance alongside
your compatriot being

Shadow and sun
converge on sinkholes
who could have known
Snow could be both so
strong and fragile
to support the entirety
of a complete
and a slight
profile?

Sometimes the worst
kind of stress
is the one you can't see
but feel
when you wake up
after thinking you were
safe
to breathe

It's the tree of life
get it?
I hope you do because

I'm going in and out
and I need something to
ground me

and you need soil
something to hold

Second time
around
here we go
or we may not
so I'll board the merry-go-round
this carousel of disappointment
expectant as always
I shouldn't be

Personified
with the floral art
I'm filled with words
maddening it can't stop
it moves my fingers
and I try to employ my eye
elsewhere
fruitless
but a bursting yield
spills through my pen
Does the irony or the
exhaustion **** me?

I still remember how
you murmured
empty love words
against my mouth
in that dark room
where our skin touched
and for the briefest of moments
our hearts met

Oh the times we're living in
I can't feel my body
but for the burning in my throat
Bathed in talent
and guiding experience
fighting a cold numbness
lifting headrush
I lose the meaning
I lose the direction
But not the heart
so tell me
aren't these the times we're living in?

I wish I didn't have to
pick my way
across each room
I don't want every
single step
to have to be
so carefully chosen
I want to run all out
this tiptoe dance
is tiring me

The turn of the corner
is where the rainbows
hide
learn to cut corners
(glass and walk)
you'll find transfixing
color

Spotlight on an empty field
Where is the knight?
He slumps by a stream
I don't know what he waits for
or why I can't look away
All is concentrated
in that one spot
where nothing really happens

My head hurts
because you're forcing my jaw
shut
where you once
opened up an easy smile

Staring
glazed over
lost in a state of wonder
single planed
dimension of disembodied one
I find my courageous future
in the pinnacle
of a symmetric background
a whole wall of it before me
this is what we're dying for
in this moment above forward
and all beyond
us
so innocent a face
to your dark new feel
meta strange
wheel and float
you are mine
it is ours
this gives me hope
and a willingness to
grander cohesion
I wish this will all
be vibrant tomorrow

Just because I
traveled down a
new road
doesn't mean I can't
revisit old footpaths
favorite strolls
in shady memory past
New destinations
good
not permanent

You're so
dry
you'll soak
any old
mean word
up

I'm bleeding bones
and weeping bile
everything hurts
just that much more
because you
stole my blood
and stole my tears

Have you ever seen
the inside of bones?
look into your own
the red mess
impossibly deep
pour it out like a slow night
watch it closely
the fragments fall
all you are on the floor
clarity comes
once that experience of
breaking and melting
comes to pass

Awful spirit
reclined in a chair
sleeping in indifferent good humor
Hold your legs up
let us look on sideways
and don't you dare look back

A gradient of shade
blocks out what falls
and I'm left wondering
what comes next

I know I should have stopped
five texts ago
I understood your silence
I knew I wasn't wanted
but
sometimes talking to a brick wall
is better than talking to
nobody at all

Close your eyes little girl
close them and dream
Dream of a day
when all you want is what you have
Dream of a you
completely yourself
Dream of a future
you can live with
Close your eyes little girl
close them against the reality of now
but don't forget
it's what you have to get through
first

Answer me
Answer me
You don't understand
please
these ears were made for
laughter
love
the speech of friends
please
answer me
You don't understand
what silence does to me
I'm begging you
please
answer me
anybody
answer me

NEVER GO BACK
a finality I hope not
to hear
in my own fate
is it flexible?
I need the option