a house
with a well-kept lawn
somewhere in suburbia
a blue door with brass ****
a backyard
with a fence for the dog(s)
maybe even a pool

or maybe

a brownstone in manhattan
with rooms full of books
little nooks perfect for reading
a big comfy chair
a desk, for you to work at
a nice kitchen

or maybe

a stone house
in italy
exposed wood
beautiful shutters
room for friends and family

you'll cook
and i'll clean
and
no matter the space
it will be full of love
and laughter
and joy

and
maybe there will be a fight
or two
but we'll always work through it
find our way back to each other
like always

laying on on a bench
on the roof of a corsican villa
and nothing has ever felt like this

there are more stars than i ever thought existed
and
i'm in love
i don't want to leave
but
i don't want to stay

i wish there was a way to capture this
not just the stars
but the feeling of watching them

i wish there was a way
to tell you about this
how this makes me feel
tiny,
just a speck in the scheme of it all,
but powerful
at the same time

there's a word for this,
i'm sure,
some way to describe this feeling
(without needing to write a poem)

it's so sweet
so soft
so secure
if i could hold it, i would
(i want to wrap myself inside this feeling)

but also
i'm
scared
terrified
(to be honest)

security comes with a price
does it not?
or maybe
an expiration date?

but i can't help it
can't stop my mind from planning a future
picket fences, pools
someone to watch my bag at the airport
(someone to hold my bag at the airport)

maybe it's dumb
(it probably is)
but
(for the first time)
i'm not going to worry about it
not going to think about the fall
how there's nothing to cushion the inevitable blow
and i'll just breathe
smile
relax into this even more
keep trying to find a word to fit this feeling
almost euphoric?
(but maybe not)
like pieces finally fitting together
(we'll see)