when our bones crumble and turn to dust,
as we both know is inevitable,
will we be remembered?

When my smile fades,
or becomes a facade,
will you notice?

I've been wondering for some time now how easy it is to let people leave your memories,
I know that I've always struggled with it.

I know that optimism would say that it's difficult,
pessimism would say it's as easy as breathing,
but what about the realistic part of the mind?
Is it actually easy?
I put effort and energy into make people fade into the past,
do you do the same?

anymore.
It's about this ever-growing emptiness that I feel when remnants of our time together appear.
It's about the reminder that I am alone,
that I will likely be lonely for a while.
I do not miss you, do not take this as a love poem or anything of that sort.
You are merely a frame of reference for a time when I was not so alone.
I feel that when I knew you was a different time in life,
so much has changed,
very little that existed during that time remains.
Memories are blurred as I willfully forget them
(I've been wishing them away for months now)
but still some linger,
a reminder of the time when I wasn't so alone.

It comforts me to know that I will be the maid of honor at your wedding - and that you will be the maid of honor at mine.
Through all that has happened, the changes we have experienced as we've become adults, we have remained the same,
and I think that's the reason I still have my sanity.
Words forever on our skin say, "I have seen the best of you, and the worst of you, and I choose both", from our favorite poem and I know our bond is eternal.
People may laugh and say that we might not be friends forever, but we will be the ones laughing because we know that they're wrong.
Although distance makes our communication less frequent, it does not make our friendship any weaker, and we will always pick up right where we left off.
You are my 2 AM, my number one fan and the only person I trust completely.
Our friendship has taught me many things - how to be there when needed, how to listen without judgement and most importantly, how to be a good friend.
We have reached an agreement - we might have different friends, but never ones like each other.
A friendship like ours is once in a lifetime, and only if you're lucky.
Thank you for being my best friend and making me feel lucky.

In the daylight I will call you my biggest mistake,
swear to anyone and everyone that the next time my eyes fall upon your face I will curse you out,
shake my head sadly at the thought of your life - the failures you try hard to cover up

but in the privacy of darkness I will still call you an angel,
swear that you can do no wrong,
know that if I ever let you close enough to touch me that I would crumble and blow away.
I smile sweetly at the thought of your face.

There are people that we tuck into the corners of our mind - so that they will always be an afterthought,
let them taint the places we've been because somehow that makes those places seem safer - it makes them feel warmer.
We know not any reason why we do this - only that we cannot keep ourselves from doing so.

There is no easy way to fix the way that a heart breaks - no way to cure the way its beating picks up when we see the people that we have loved.

I could be that book on a rainy day,
the one you curl your body around as the rain pounds on windowpanes.
I could be that soliloquy that convinces you to stay,
the one who captures love with simple words - the one that makes you feel again.

But I am none of those things.
I am chaos -
a hurricane of feelings and emotions that only cause disaster.
I do not posses the calm that is required to be something beautiful -
I am far too frantic.

Pretending otherwise can only last too long.
Our time here is short so let's be honest.
I am chaotic and loud and you are shy and fearful -
let's stay true to who we are and find beauty in all that we do.

I won't tell you that I love you because we will both crumble.
We are sandcastles just waiting for the tide to claim us,
waiting for the inevitable ruin that we both face.

I won't tell you that I love you because kindness can be cruel.
It's easy to wear a mask,
easier to look at it long enough until you think it is your face.

I won't tell you that I love you because intention is deceiving.

I will not take your trust because I will never allow you to have mine.

I won't tell anyone that I love them because love is not eternal, you are ethereal and I never want to be the cause of their demise.