You are a burning in my belly
You are a lilting in my thoughts
You are laughing joking singing
You are when my walls all drop
You are a flutter in my heart
You are dancing in my soul
You are a weakness in my limbs
You are all I care to know.
You are a sparkle in my eyes
You are a fire on my tongue
You are a dazzle to my smile
You are old, you are young.
You are the best to all my worst
You are a heat inside my head
You are an accidental smile
You are everything I am.
You are what I want to know
You are who I want to be
You are something nothing everything
You are you, we are we.
You are an almost-have-it wanting
You are a hesitation on my part
You are a can-I should-I would-I
You are a seizing at my heart.
You are a shy-eyed-glancing-laugh
You are a whispered three-word phrase
You are a wanting and a weakening
I am I, you are you.

******* baby-voice-fake,
carrying around that ego of yours
(where'd you even get it?)
stringing your hair into
strands and
straggles,
painting your lips attention-***** red,
parading around those
scars on your arms -
******* try-too-hard-fake,
making noise to make noise,
words that aren't words and
thoughts that aren't yours,
i'm not hearing it.
smiling and then secretly
hateful and spreading
lies
(you were *****, you were molested,
you were exploited, you were robbed)
tip-toed on poser-high heels,
chopping your hair into stunted shortness
(a rat-nest red-chemical version
of mine)
you can *******.

guess what?
you can't lie to my best friend
you can't tell her
that so-and-so sent you that
( frickin ****'s )
picture
(funny how you saved it)
you can't rope her back in with your
manipulation
,your
modification
of the truth,
and you can't buy me with your
half-assed excuses and you can't tell me that it's
none of my business
because you've exploited her
and you've lied to her
don't mean
that you've earned her.
she deserves better and you deserve
to be alone forever
with your self-pity
and your short-sighted
under-the-table
pathetic
selfish
actions.

guess what?
you can't tell me she has a choice
when you've given her none
telling her
she's the best things in your life
(how 'bout you treat her like it?)
and by the way
can i have a picture of you
( insert thing she's not going to do for you
here )
and there's a reason
you filthy
lying
cop-out of a human being
i won't hear you
tell me that
she's
chosen you
that she's
happy with you
because
if she's happy with you
how come
you still have to
spend so much time trying
to
convince her?

guess what?
i don't buy you.
i hate you.
i resent you.
you make me
sick.
and even if she doesn't see it
even if she holds onto your pathetic
whining
excuses
i see through you
you bile-throated liar
and you don't ******* deserve
one single tear
you've pulled from her,
you don't ******* deserve
the dirt on her Converse,
you don't ******* deserve
this poem.

because it makes you seem
almost like
you're worth something.

you've got sunshine in your eyes, her mother told her
and she knew it.

her toes itched to skip-skap
across pavements and leaves, swirl through
snow
dancing in their boots.

you've got sunshine in your eyes, her mother told her
and she felt it.

her smile could light hearts
set flame to
the day,
and laughter -
music.

you've got sunshine in your eyes, my mother told me
and i learned it.

i built an ice castle around my heart -
it's hard to break, and even harder to melt
so i thought it would be perfect.
i put a sentinel outside the door
i gave him your face
and how your hands feel.
there's no way
you're getting in.

i built an ice castle around my heart -
it's cold, but it's still pretty
it appeases my vanity
and inside my blood gives eskimo kisses to strangers.

i built an ice castle around my heart -
and you laid the first brick,
so don't be surprised when i'm cold to you
when my eyes are frosty
and my words are short and sharp as shards of ice,
because you put my heart in an ice castle,
and it's sure as hell not melting

for you.