Trapped.  A prison built of doubt, feelings I could do without.

Vultures bringing dark; encircle the heart

Closing in, tighter grip, waiting for an imminent slip.

Wide eyes scream in panic, gaping wound reeking havoc.

A missing piece, underneath; I'm begging for a new release.

Drown in passion for a love, the hand that fits the glove.

Fill the whole or just go.  I'm not interested in a person who's only so-so,  

Dancing flames crackle with desire, I'll freeze to death with coals lacking fire.

Back and forth, yes and no. Wait it out, take it slow....

Wonder where this wind will blow; I'm just tired of the ******' vertigo.

I'm waiting for the music but my record has been scratched, and as I try to stay detached, it only pushes from inside 'til my hinges come unlatched.

I'm erratic in the brain, racked with thoughts tough to tame, as my heart starts to crack, there's no way I'm turning back.

It's the slip of the soul you can't help but expose,I feel you begging for repose; a relief from the blows.

Now you're drowning in woes and you're choking on the lows. Mouth to mouth, take my breath, feel my love for you grow.

As you're gasping, you grasp me and realize that I'm there. Forcing blood through your veins, feeding lungs precious air.


I swear you'll recover just remember with a prayer: Mother Mary, full of grace.... as you swallow your despair.

Rethinking your curiosity. You really shouldn’t have inquired
Your craving for exploration satisfied,
You’ll get what you thought you desired.

No promises that it will fulfill your expectations, or grant insight to my motivations.
The sensations will be overwhelming, you’ll yield to stimulation.

At first it’s exhilarating, emotions climbing to peak, just wait 'til you see the drop beneath.
You’re afraid. I was too. Now the fear pulls you through. Cliffs and valleys, highs and lows,
Have you begun to wonder when this ride slows?

Oh; I apologize, I should have warned, you can’t walk away from this place;  this time or this space.
You can attempt to gather your things and go, most don’t survive whole. If they find the way out they leave battered and bruised, ego sore, something torn.

Now you find yourself tangled. The buckle won’t release, you’ll struggle and squirm, but you’ll soon come terms.

I’m half strangled right beside you, you didn’t know ‘til you wanted to.

See, “I’ve been in here for years. I decided to enjoy the ride. I promise it can only get better over time. Think of it as the bite of the whiskey with the sour of the lime. You’ll be drunk soon enough... I know I am.”

You drip into my thoughts like a slip of the tongue and blushing of parted lips; ravenous.

Your indulgence of my masochistic inquires is shamelessly scandalous,  

Akin to a laceration of lace and a bursting of buttons, unraveling the threads of my modesty.

The consequences stripping me of my delicacy exposing the betrayal of my anatomy.

Brutality and savagery quicken my submission and the remnants of my restraint will succumb; a hunger.

Dive into the warmth of my energy, the color of my heart, the wavelength of my soul; exploit.

Your devilish grin growing, dilated pupils following my form taking sadistic pleasure in my resistance to a futile fight.

Wide eyes watch your teeth sink into the purity of my flesh, porcelain complexion now stained with crimson red; capitulation to a carnal sentiment; surrender.

I need to get this to the external,
A plague of inferno,
A purge of the words that churn internal.

A song on repeat,
No break from the beat.

Like a train grinding track;
there'll be no slack.

This erratic, systematic flood to the brain,
its insane, how the inane can cause all this theoretical pain.

In response to a phrase,
The tree of thoughts that erase
that certainty I chase
and the memories I encase.

A mirage of the soul, so soon it shall lull,
a small jolt of the heart, creating this art

I lap up the words that spill from your lips,
knowing when it hits

the reflex will be instant and instinctual,
harrowing and hysterical.

But it won't last.
Destined to be my past,
a feeling that will fade; thoughts returning to sane

The contact loses strength
as a result of the length
and acceptance of reality delivers the gravity
of the preconceived ending and mending that follows.

What prisons do we cage ourselves in?
That image we construct as defense from sin.

Must we limit the light we let into our souls?
To protect from the pain and darkness lingering in blackened coals?

The fire should be blazing, the ideals of the man we aspire,
yet it’s deprived of the fuel and choked of air, we retire.

The pulse will fade and the flame will extinguish
Until breath is restored and barriers relinquished.

So take in your surroundings, the world is abounding
with a hearth fed love and affection, a foundation
of fervor that demands attention.

I need a release, a relief from this pressure.
A cessation of the flooding,
An infestation of the catalytic chemicals that feed my brain

The battle for attention is overwhelmed by anatomy,
keeping me on the fringes of insanity

I can't control it, only roll with it, embrace and encase this energy inside

Projecting my being;
rejecting the snares,
the lack of cares that fill the air

Cognitive dissonance entertains and persuades the whispers within
as they swirl and whirl their tracers are all that remain

The red of satisfaction yet to be attained,
a heart unrestrained and a feeling still unnamed.

I hate how much you impress me,
It's like I can't even listen or look without yearning for you to undress me...

Press me, caress me; drag you fingertips along my lines,
Feel the pressure of your sturdy hands sink into my flesh and your body weight over mine...

It sickens me, exhausts me;
Envelopes the heavy ***** that
beat
beat
beats me

Its not fair, it can't be true
I'll never hold, tame, nor conquer you

Drawn to the flame, such a dangerous game
Rosie you'll burn,why haven't you learned?

A lingering light will lose the fight,
The masochistic urge; a hunger to merge
A craving for sin amplified from within

Its only a ticking of time and a glimpse of sublime and this cyclical curse shall repeat

Initially a dream, the twisting scene finds the shadows and chills that burst from the seam;
A creeping, a seeping of resent filling and keeping

I knew from first glance twas a twirl of chance,
Only passion and fire, the flames of desire

As they dance through my veins with vengeance and claim
The last shred of me and remaining purity.

In and out,  the breath falls heavy
The silence surrounds, the loneliness empty.

Chill seeps in and and the world seems dead.
Life and its love fade from my head.

In and out,  the breath falls heavy.
A reminder of me all alone with my pity.

So reach towards the center, the peace is within
It won't be with others or intertwined with sin.

In and out,  the breath falls heavy
The feelings will fade as soon as I'm ready.

Searching for the self
Drowning in time
Whirling, waiting
Hoping,  praying.
Gasping, grasping,
Reaching for a center.
No end in sight,
Pulse racing as if in a fight.
Seeking, peeping,
breathing, keeping.
Where am I going?
No.  
Where am I staying.  
Embrace the soul.
Master the whole and the world will follow.
Always full and never hollow.
Resting,  easing,
The peace is teasing....

The contrasting black and white on the masterpiece before me reorients my mind into the mode of a whole other language; a language not spoken, but sung.

As my bow slowly descends into position I feel a rush of eagerness and concentration flow from my conscious,  spilling into my veins and drenching my organs.

One
Two
Three
Four;

I am off in a distant place; a destination known only to those who believe in the music; are the song.

My pulse quickens as the end draws near, arms rising and falling,  fingers dancing upon the strings. As the notes gain tempo and decibels increase a ****** is achieved:

The air becomes silent with the breath of music and it is finished.

The bell rings;  leaving me still craving,  yet things are gathered and the physical body moves to the next class,  as if I never left my seat.

Craving of the flesh, passion and desire.

Although it's a want, it continues fueling the fire

Hormones and images only fan the flames,

The Red of *** coursing  through my veins.

Will it ever die down to embers and coal

Or is it destined to tug at the body and soul?

Is this hunger to be embraced and indulged?

Or suppressed and ignored?

Mind and Spirit conflicted
Want and need, where's the balance?

Conscious and subconscious
The battle never ceases to exist.

Why must they always struggle?  
Is peace unattainable or just far removed from this moment?

The unease feels oppressive and all-consuming
But there must an intervention,  a truce,  a way to relieve the anxiety.  

But for now there remains a struggle, an internal argument.

Everyday I approach the ongoing challenge between the psyche and the self.

Perhaps things shall change.