forgot i was able
forgoe the sugar cane
horse towed them over the edge
coarse hair
coerced into the trap
willing and able
are you able?
are you billing me?
is this thrilling?
have we been feeling
the same?
come over here
something else over there
i'm forgetful
i'm a disgrace to the top
upper crust societors
upper cut so much science
tons of honor
tons more scholarly journals
hurtled over the canyon wall
carried by the wind to those unlistening
wishing they could hear you
sifting thorugh the river for rocks
to deliver you
giver of too many
stories we already know
tore off all of our clothes
promised tonight would be
different than so many
others i laughed at
others i couldn't have
summer is ours to be
somewhat more into fear
someone to hold you dear
come one come all to hear
believer of something more
deliverer of sudden storms
of folk tail magic token
now open your eyes to your own faults
now look to the sky and know the hawks
are staring down with hungry eyes
they're bearing down they see you in the crowd
falling allover selfish rags
hagship tailors
flag waving tagless sleeve cutters
closing shutters in your mechanism
exposed to low level flash bulbs
just enough to imprint the entire night into something more
we would never remember if not for your loose grip
where you fell to the floor
and
saved another for
the last night you swore you wouldn't take a sip

i shouldn't be allowed to like things.
you know what i do.
you've seen.
i've heard.

so shinyprettyprecious.
so new.
this thing.
it makes me want to curl up and die,
i love it so.

let's run the tape back and see that one more time--
one more time--
one more time--
one more time--
one more time--

let's run the tape back--

every once over
every last glance
every 'oh it's so beautiful'
i want to shove my words back down my throat
make sure they're properly digested

it's too perfect.
too good to be true.
certainly too good
for you.

'well you see, this is what your problem is...'

you're stuck in a fantasy, you are
do you not see this?
yes i do.
i know it, and i see it every time, thank you.
you are so wise.
how could i not see?
******' a.
indeed.

i don't need to be reminded.
i am well aware.
i think i've learned enough on my own.
you were there.
you saw.
i told you everything.
you know the tale better than myself,
and it was i who endured the affair.

oh christ.
hey, let's not bring Him into this, okay?
you're right, i apologize.
we know better.
yes we do.

is it as good as when it started?
was it ever that good?
does it need to be?
will this always be this way?
"is this going to be forever?"

oh 'God' i hope.

if there is someone on the other end of this rope
please pull me up.
meet me on the other end
see if we can't
make the most out of this dance floor.

i want to talk until my throat is raw.
you kiss my lips until i swear i saw
my future in a song i never heard before.
the sound reverberates
reverberates
my stomach shakes
heartbeating in my throat
and breaks
into a million tiny pieces
floating above our heads.

better than wearing it on my sleeve
i'll just throw it on the ground for you
to pick it up.
hold it forever.
it's yours.
or raise your foot and bring it down
as you probably should.

maybe all i want is to be miserable
so the pursuit of happiness
will never end.
every day a little better than before
every day a little more hopeful for
what we've promised ourselves we'll find.
a clever trick if you can
believe in your own lies...

the happiest man is
the one who feels
the least discomfort with
the lies he tells himself.

you've become addicted to life
and the pleasures that it brings you
and every day you spend
still breathing
shows your greed for what isn't yours.

and that may be so,
that i'm an addict,
and if it is
i hope i die of an overdose:
happy and a liar.

A rude awakening:
A friend’s best impression of
A thousand,
Deep,
Bellowing trombones.
“BWAAAAWWWWP!”
Shake it off.
Walk home and go to bed.
Fasten hat to head:
“Bye everybody.”
(wave)

Good choice on the hat,
‘Tis chilly.

Text her, “Hi,” just because.
Just in case.

Long walk home
Late at night
And still groggy.
Those trombones still ringing in my ears.

I feel new.
Like a kitten.

Every sound on the street inspires shudders.
Cars approaching from behind:
Crescendos dropping into empty ringing silence.

Someone laughs down a dark side street.
Head jerks,
And looks away.
There it is again.
Is it for me?
Walk faster.

I might still be sleeping…
Although I’m pretty sure—what’s that?
A bicycle,
Or the amplified sound of an insect
Cleaning itself.

Where is that shadow coming from?
Is something floating above this intersection?
Just keep walking.
But only after
I push this button
That does nothing.
I guess I’m just a pigeon
Flapping my wings.
But don’t I know it.
How sad is that?
Where’s that Morpheus with my **** pills?

Home base.
Olly olly oxen free.

you are a fractal

in a sea of branches
you are the air between

the dust that spirals in the sun streams


the decimal point in the equation

the dividing line between oblivion and infinity

you are a loose end
fraying
made of left over dry skin








you are the chemical

you poison my drinking water

you are

the secret ingredient
the last place they'd ever look

you are

the dark matter
the imaginary number I can't wrap my head around

you cure my melancholy






we are

alveoli

we breathe fire

seen through telescopes
we believe we are alone

we'll believe anything they tell us




they won't love you
they can't see you

you are too much
they'd never understand


you don't give
what you don't receive

you give life
as you breathe through me



I see you when my eyes close
I trace your shape on frosted windows





you spark the fire that hijacks my biology



you draw upon my skin with ***** fingernails

your handwriting is embedded in my DNA




your name echoes still
unfamiliar voices without faces


your secret's safe with me



hidden in massive outer space places
untraceable
mastermind configuration
takes ages just to give up out of frustration

Move your body move your mind
Still your heart Still your mind


My mind it moves my body
My body moves my mind
My mind it moves
Be still this heart
Beat
Beat my body
Bring my mind out from the inside




I won't crawl my way to your feet at the head of the table
Begging for scraps

I won't walk to your door with the world behind me chanting slogans
With a list of demands

I won't stand up in the middle of class, shaking
And say what was really going on when he painted that

I won't hold you close when we're alone
Whispering there's nothing left for me here

I won't apologize
I'll welcome my sentence

I'll gladly walk to the other side
Find a place to lie

Maybe make some money making nice things
Moving when the ground gives way to the weight of those standing around doing nothing




Move your body move your mind
Still your heart Still your mind


My mind it moves my body
My body moves my mind
My mind it moves
Be still this heart
Beat
Beat my body
Bring my mind out from the inside

WHEN DOES FOREVER START
WHEN
does life reveal it's startling plot twists and turns
WHEN DOES NEVER END
DOES
Neverland exist
STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE
DON'T
you see it burns
EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES
THE
weight of the debris
CRUSHES
MY CHEST CAVITY
THROW EVERYTHING YOU HAVE AT ME
I've been training
I CAN TAKE IT
MAKE IT HURT
as much as you want
I WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING
IT WON'T
last forever
WANT TO DO ME A FAVOR
STOP
praying for a savior
TO RISE UP FROM A GRAVE
YOU'RE JUST
digging your own
AND THEY'LL PAVE RIGHT OVER YOU
BECAUSE 'GOD'
told them to
BUT THE 'DEVIL'S' FAVORITE GAME
INVOLVES
using other people's names
FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL GAIN
GULLIBLE's
written on the ceiling
THE WALLPAPER'S PEALING, REVEALING
what you've been
FEELING
all these years but were too afraid to share
FIND SOMEONE WHO CARES
MAYBE
they've been there
STARE THEM IN THE FACE WITHOUT BLINKING
FEEL
your
SELF
sink into a place
THE SPACE BETWEEN THEIR EARS
A
cavern filled with fears
NOW
STEP BACK THROUGH THE MIRROR
ALICE
PLEASE PUT DOWN THE CHALICE
DID YOU ASK WHAT WAS IN IT
THE TRUTH sounds different
DEPENDING HOW YOU SPIN IT
SPIT IT OUT
your mouth is tasteless
LIKE THOSE JOKES TOLD BY THESE FACELESS
PUPPETEERS
dressed in 'wastecoats'

*THESE WORDS I'VE WROTE HAVE NOW BEEN SPOKE
SO LET'S STEP BACK FROM THE MACHINE
AND FIGURE OUT WHAT'S REALLY BROKE.

I want you
I want someone to want me
but
you don't want me

please want me

don't!
I'm broken
you don't want a leaky faucet
that
self repairs
with duct tape and silly putty

I'll recite you the backs of cereal boxes
and
throw away the locks on the doors of our common places
I'll keep a smile on mine if your face feels too tired from the weight of what your mind is speaking out your eyes

Everything.
Every string
that hangs off of well worn sweaters
snags on finger nails and pealing calluses.

I'll draw the curtains
if
and ONLY
IF
you first admit that you
are
BEAUTIFUL.
and i know it.

Your doubt should drown.
We'll drink it down.
Sipping wine only to set the scene
because
WE
already ditched our inhibitions
and
we decided that what was best for each other was to feeds each other's needs with the other's body.

This letter.
This note.
To you.
The long lost women of my dreams
the shape shifting goddess
who floats freely through the open windows of my memories.
Will this be enough to summon spirits to lift me to your level without being beaten to life by a trigger happy judge's gavel?

I built my prison to your specifications.
The measurements may be off
but
the bed...
The bed is warm
and cozy.
And
it fills my heart to see your cheeks turn that rosy
rosy red
that same
rosy red
that fills my heart
and
flows through yours.
Kept inside
but
peaking out in moments of vulnerability.
Shed your false
heavy
layers of security
toss them in the water and...

Flush skin of lips and finger tips
other places where my mind can only wander
wondering where in the world we will
meet again.

It's half past ten or some other hour,
I don't know and you don't mind
because
we're alive!
and our heart beats will set the pace
keeping time in place.

THE STORM IS LOUD
MY VOICE
is softer
now...

Okay--

Alright--

*
I'll give you your space{













But
YOU
BETTER FLY.
And NO MATTER HOW HIGH
NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO SHOW
to TRULY KNOW the color of your wings.

And
I'll continue singing
because
someone else may be listening.
And
although these tears won't quench my thirst
I'm learning more about myself through my time searching
through my ***** laundry:
Bags of rags
and forgotten junior high and high school notebooks.

Failed jokes took to heart
the stinging silence of laughter kept inside.

Broken funny bones
NUMBED by repetition [repetition]
DUMBED down
COMFORTABLE BEING SUBMISSIVE

Well, I'm not sorry
NOT SORRY
to tell you
this mouse
whose mouth you shut is now stirring

Stirring the ***
Kept at temperature
All the right spices and slices and dices to enlighten you as to what the taste of life is.
.............................................................­.................................................
Please sit, here is your chair.
I love what you've done with your hair!
let me know if you would like seconds
but
that depends on if you brought your appetite.
I know I'M Hungary [hungry]
but
I won't slurp my soup if it offends you.

We'll take it slow
because
I know that
I still don't know you that well yet.
And I think we both could cool it down on the unnecessary judgement.
I'd really like to know you well, so I won't try to sell you anything that you're not buying.
And call me out if you think I'm lying, but I promise to be as honest as you want.

But it's a two way street
and I know you're probably tired from running down it so long
in which case I would gladly rub your feet
or your shoulders if you'd like to be a bit more discrete.

However, it still may be too soon for that
in which case I'll take a couple steps back.

Do you like music?
How bout dancing?
It doesn't have to be romantic
I just enjoy the feeling when I'm moving to the rhythm in time with other bodies.

Does you mind maybe feel clearer now that your body's moving free
or
are you holding back because you falsely feel that you lack the ability to let the music move

Your soul's of you feet.

Let go
and hold on to me.
I won't let you fall unless you're ready
but I'll catch you
please don't worry.

We are free
here.

Let's just be
here.

Forget fear
and see where that takes us
in a year.

Or more
Or less
Or until you decide
that your dress
is not
the most comfortable thing
you
could be wearing...

I'm just glad we can share the same air
and not care that our hair's getting messy.

But...
This...
is the best I've felt.

In a loooong while...

Spinning out of control
Lying
With you here next to me.

we **** in towers

he missed the bus by hours

clean out the garbage pail with high pressure hoses
I want to stick my nose in it and pledge allegiance to its cleanliness

he feels the lows
the lower it goes
god only knows
this world is just for show

the real experience is in the back
we're keeping up appearances and paying taxes

"please be quiet and refrain from smoking
this is the first and last time I'll inform you that I'm only joking"

snip the locks
pour the contents
subdivide the rations according to your favorite fetish

better keep this to ourselves...

and he isolates himself again
and she cries her eyes out in a crowd of friends
and we buy it all just to keep ourselves comfortable
and we lie to ourselves constantly
because the truth hurts and if they fall
we fall

what side are you on?
are we playing the same game even?
are we all double agents
out in the open?
are we all playing pretend
or is some of this the real thing?

is it eerie how i hear you
before you're even looking?

the best of us will be left performing magic tricks
for the guys weilding the biggest sticks

stick to the plan
get a tan
and collect fans
because you need to keep cool
[sure]
not in front of everyone
no
not ready for that
no please
no not while they're here
they
they need more time

you need more


you've had plenty

i've had enough

we all have

precisely my point

the point hasn't even begun to be reached

we're at it again

battling 'til surrender

remind me why


i can't breathe around her

her last wish kept me up all night

sir
they're at it again
we can't seem to stop them this time

we asked them to leave

i believe you
please

grieve





the loss of many
the loss of one man
or any number


it's been keeping me up
no slumber
that's right
every night
i couldn't sleep feeling another one leave
i made myself feel everything i could imagine
happening all inside of me

have they forgotten what it feels like?
have they robbed themselves of what they crave most
because they couldn't handle the pain of knowing any longer?

and now i'm numb
like you

still
                                                  craving
are
                                                  meaning
you
                                                  seeming
in
                                                  playing
love?
                                                dreaming?
no
                                                    for
ever?
                                                   lost
never
                                                    cost
not
                                                   most
once?
                                                   such
maybe
                                                 horrible
every
                                                   hosts
time

never
been shown the meaning
never
had it spelled out before
letters
in the sand
holding hands
no longer there

in circles we had drawn
we sang our favorite made up songs
it didn't matter that we didn't know the words
everyone could play along

i wouldn't remember later
but those songs reverberated
'round the walls of the crater

if i never see you in my dreams again
it's just one more i'll keep drawing until i get it right
one more silent vigil lit by fireflies


this morning ritual of mine is getting old
i've bought and sold enough to trade my soul
i've trained my soul for the day they take it all away
and it won't matter
'cause it's not my game and i never wanted to play
take me to the place you want me
stake me out
make sure it's nice enough outside
a place where children play
with paths for bikes to ride

you showed me in their faces
you showed me and i'll never be the same

i'm falling again
and i'm leaking  for my own sake
i'm speaking for no one in particular
i'm making it up as i go along
as i feel it every word feels wrong

but the sound of these
the rhythm of my knees shaking
the symbolism of an embolism
makes me tremble maybe there's more to stem from

can you trace the outline on the wall?
can you taste any of it at all?
can you hear if he's still in there?
can you tell if he has enough air?
can you get ahold of him?
how long's it been?
don't look at me that way
none of us ever expected this
someone should have expected this
is this serious?
should we be calling someone?
is there a problem?
are we in trouble?
don't you talk to anyone

the wrong mind in the wrong hands
will be forced to make new plans
wrong man sent to a new land
will take ownership and make demands

stained sheet
stars i lie beneath
cars i almost died behind the steering wheel
screaming out my rotting teeth
dotting every line
spotting every guy in the crowd in striped shirts
every spy in every automobile
behind every pile of rubble
behind every "i'm sorry we're having a little trouble with the connection"
"oh you didn't get my text? it must have been redirected..."

*11/5/12

strap backwards
parts of this are missing
**** i can't talk about anymore

i don't listen to the radio
not like before

i'll never invent anything
that you can't destroy

distort
static
a blur across the screen

did you see that?
i could have sworn that wasn't supposed to happen

sounds like a mistake

that was my favorite part

that last little bit of magic
the longest algorithm he could ever write

it's a trap
i set so i could find you
again

i only think about you when you're not around
and you're never here
so i guess you can say i've been doing some thinking

one last war and i swear i'll be done
just one more

honest
to god
i said

i said
to god
that little old man that lives inside me

he's mad
we're not speaking at the moment
i'm caught up in another conversation

grass
so green you'd swear it's illegal
water
so clear it could clean your soul

i ran and jumped and dove
and swam and held my breath
i broke the surface just in time to greet the sun
she'd been waiting for me to break my silence

i cut myself off mid-sentence
maybe you could see where i was headed

i don't want to waste your time
you probably could be out of your mind
but i wouldn't know

i'd think that we were linked somehow
that i could speak and for once be heard

step backwards
remind me where we've come from
i want to dig to the bottom of these roots

let us see how deep these waters run
corroding into canyons
painted ceilings and rites of passage

we'll be fine here for a while
tell me the story of the night you spoke to god

"your life is up for interpretation
purpose is wasted without direction"

he never slept
we never left his side
the night was hot and lonesome
stuck like old sweat and honesty

fall
come here
say nothing
scream into this ear

flash to speeding highway
one man and a motorbike
no helmet, why bother?

i'm dead anyway
never braking
only if its worth the risk of surviving

push past that last one
sirens are always near
honest it's only a little longer
you'll be there before you know yourself

i miss the sound of water bubbling
pressing my head against the wall and falling through
tripping over you
tumbling

tell my friends in the star machines
the geometric tribal drummers
heads nodding in unison with the beating of my heart
to start without me

let's take the scenic route through the universe
grow old and arrive dead
auto pilot to the afterlife

It was only one day

Only one day
One day

All day
All over again

Replayed
In my head
Unedited

In technicolor full surround
I am found lying on the frozen ground

Lying about where I am
Lying about lying about

Only for a moment did it last
And how I tried to make it last

And here I am again
Again

Wondering where the hell I've been
If that moment really means
What it seemed to me to be
And how my mind it tends to dream
I pray that it and I might see that we
Have been wasting electricity
Chasing after faceless nameless queens

Now I am mad and losing sleep
No matter how or which I write or read
These words they fail to feed

And though this day won't end
I will continue to pretend
That whatever I decide whilst dreaming
No matter how secret or misleading
Holds some special meaning

So I can smile
And finish eating

And do it all again

Pimpled
Pockmarked beauty
Barely my angel
Brace yourself for the world below

You should never be let out of sight
This earth will swallow you whole
Your life is more than surface scars
And attempts at something worthwhile

Their hands they long to hold yours
Gently graze your skin
Limping along behind you
I beg for forgiveness

It was not you who transgressed
I am a stupid fool of a man to ever wish anything more than you
I could not expect a love like mine for you to ever manifest again
Not if I ever found your equal
I would not believe that it was possible
Refusing that could happen
Madness driven panic stricken

Calamity Jane all over again!
All over the bathroom stall
Everyone heard it down the hall
I'm racing faster than my heart

This chase will never end
Until I collapse at your feet
Tearing at fabric
Soaking tears and blood

Screaming promises
Pledging allegiance
Pleading mercy

If my life is not fit currency
To pay the fine for transgressions against the divine

How many more times must I try before it amounts to
Whatever price you have in mind?
As a stray cat passes by I pause and realize
This life is not mine

And your hands are too clean for me

So I will leave you be
And go find me
And when we learn to see again
I'll be a man with ***** calloused hands
Washing in the river
Wading and wishing
Drifting in and out of dreams of you and me