It's 7AM
     where you are
and where you are
         I am not.

So time
does not matter
because its passing brings you
no closer to me
                         (nor me to you)

All that matters is that
I am   here
and
you are       there
and I am
missing you
                           (again).

I’ve been patient and waiting, but
That’s a past love now
Baby, just let us be. Let this distance between us
Grow worlds and worlds apart.
If not for these tangled sheets tying me you’d be
Stuck in that dream and never feel me leave.

Baby, you’re a melody that I just have to buy for me.
That’s how you keep me broke like the sight on Cupid’s crossbow
When he shot me in the eye, oh.
Now all I see are the illusions, a Russian roulette I get to choose from.
But tonight, girl I’m a blind man, let’***** the masquerade and
I’ll see if I can find you.

Can’t you see it wears us out, stumbling?
Tails tucked tight our tongues are fumbling.
You’re wondering who I’m walking to talking to,
I’m thinking whose stalking, sweet-talking you.

I know that something’s going to **** me tonight.
It could be my answers needing questions, jeopardy.
It’s all a delicate eggshell and you think it’s just a dream
Until a girl in Stella with some Secrets, undresses me.

I remember. I remember how we used to
Just take our time with it
I’d turn you out like it’s our very first time with it
        But, now I’m falling for memories and

        Time is slipping away

In my head
I imagine the future to be
Lipsticks lined on a marble counter
According to color and mood
And clothes warm from the dryer
Because they didn’t cool in the car
And heartbeats under bedsheets
Imported from Milan
Where no clothes are scattered
Because we always remember
To hang them, properly,
(The way we’re supposed to).
And in my head
You wear a sweater
And I brew tea
In an electric kettle
On a spotless counter
In a kitchen scrubbed clean
Except on the stove
Where a smudge of chocolate
Here and                             there
Reminds us of
The night before
And you see me clearly
With curious eyes
And I see you exactly as I did
When we first met
On our third date
When you asked me
If I would, please, finish your plate.
And I imagine the future
And I adore the order
The absence of terrifying smudges
Of chaos
Against a marble façade of
Rosy (or pink. or sparkle.) perfection.
I crave the
Nights spread over soft, warm sheets
That I call mine
And warm lips that wake me
Only when the sun is just right
So I see the mischievous sparkle
In your half-closed eyes
Before you tickle me awake.
And in my head
I long for this,
For the perfection of a
Practiced hand.
I want to build myself
Like my mind builds worlds
With one smooth stroke at a time.

But I do admit
As I lay in jersey sheets
That I do quite like
The way the soft lamplight
Falls over my cluttered bedspread
And how my books are stacked
One
Two
Three
Against my bookshelf
Rather than inside it
(The way it’s supposed to.)
And I am fond
Of the sheer lavender cloth
Thrown haphazardly on the lampshade
And tied with a purple cord
From a graduation I can’t clearly remember
And have every desire to completely forget.
And I will rise
On an overcast day
To the cold lips of sea air
On sheets made from
Recycled materials
And I will stand on aching bones and trod
With a limp and a frown
To the stovetop kettle
And I will brew tea
To the gentle hum of the fridge
That was here when I moved in
And I will be wearing
A robe with no cord
And a face with no grin
But I will look to the sky
And see the sun promised in the
Nebulous lining of the silver clouds above
And I will smile and
Stretch my arms
And see myself clearly
With selfish, curious eyes
Amid the ***** pots and pans and I
Will find peace
In chaos.

If your voice was an island,
it wouldn't be Hawaii,
even with your warm breath and your soft touch,
it would be more like Iceland.
Your durable skin, and your sturdy mind,
your voice would be Iceland.
It cools me down, and it sometimes heats me up.
Much like a candle our love flickers and shines,
but it can also burn and hurt.
People always say love grows over distance,
but sometimes the distance grows to stress,
and sometimes the stress can grow into an island
and your relationship winds up being two beaches that never meet.
But our love will not do that.
Our love, will grow the forest in between,
our love will sustain.
Our love, will become like a statue
that doesn't wear like the greek ruins
or turn colors like the Liberty.
Although, right now it is just as simple as a daisy,
anything can destruct it, or simply pick it,
but nothing has, and soon we will grow into a field,
and others will look and see our love is
warm, soft, durable, and sturdy.

I watch tv with the sound turned off just so I don't have to hear anything that reminds me of you anymore.
Chest down, I'm trapped against the ceiling and I'm flirting with the impossibility that limbs so heavy could take me this high.
Neither of us know what day it is, one of those afternoons before December that never really rises and I am keeping the lights on just so I can promise myself that you're not really here.
You see, I get the usual 'I can't breathe without you around', but I can't float, even with you standing over me.
I lead-lined my lungs with both our insecurities, tied my tongue so that I can only make my eyes speak. I can't cope with mourning the lost words that hang in the air everywhere other people have been and I choke on you every time I speak.
And my bones break like insecure scaffolding every time I stand,
they tell me I weighed myself down with all these useless metaphors,
that they never had all four feet on the ground.
You pushed me off balance. My joints could never hold out long enough to hold the both of us up. My bones are like the wood that didn't get enough water:
I break under your touch. I crack when you speak.
You're still telling me you're leaving.

The silence is deafening
Almost materialized
As he finalizes
One last good bye
How many more years will lapse? surpass so fast
At the speed of sound
With so much left unsaid
So much to regret
So much to over analyze
Time and time again.
The way your eyes meet mine
From across the room
Inevitable, yet that smile
Still renders me hopeless
Completely paralyzed
How words descend effortlessly from your lips
Yet speech escapes me
For how could words ever do justice to a smile
That zapps every cell
ignited
Electrified