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M Apr 2015
when my mind is clear of other voices
that is when I hear God most clearly
where am I to go? To whom?
M Oct 2014
if all love is from God, then God has been especially cruel to me.
M Mar 2015
would you be willing to write my name in your bones
M Aug 2015
with every second there becomes more and more and more
and moments pile on my existence, expanding my world
increasing the value of my life, and eventually, one day
I will give it all to someone else.
inspired by the orange poem I just reposted.
M Apr 2015
we've all had Good Fridays
and we'll all rise again
M Feb 2015
yes, I do plan on ******* bulldozing through this life
I am no Hazel Grace
I do not mind that the marks I leave are often scars
because scars, I think, can be beautiful
and I have never wanted to leave this world unmarked.
M Jan 2016
tired of people lying about me and to me
tired of talking and tired of keeping my mouth shut
doesn't seem to make much of a difference, anyway.
M May 2014
I'd like to be someone's drug
that induces a high
like no other
with no lows to follow
an electric shock, hallucinations
beautiful kalediscope
I would like to be a drug
almost more than I want to do them
M Mar 2015
how can you say that it would be better for some not to have been born
do you hear the cruelty in your voice? do you know what that does
to people's souls- it shows them that some are worth it and some aren't
that maybe they shouldn't have been born, that your sins
weigh alongside the value of your life, the real value is not there
the real value is just in your life, it's not what you think your beauty is
your mere existence is true enough and good enough and beautiful enough
you're already worth it with no qualifications. You're worth it. Don't listen to them. You're worth it. You're worth it. You're worth it.
M Sep 2015
Breaking down and coming undone,
it's a roller coaster kinda rush,
and I never knew I could feel that much.
taylor swift
M Mar 2015
being to timelessness as it’s to time,
love did no more begin than love will end;
where nothing is to breathe to stroll to swim
love is the air the ocean and the land
(do lovers suffer?all divinities
proudly descending put on deathful flesh:
are lovers glad?only their smallest joy’s
a universe emerging from a wish)

love is the voice under all silences,
the hope which has no opposite in fear;
the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:
the truth more first than sun more last than star

—do lovers love?why then to heaven with hell.
Whatever sages say and fools, all’s well
this is ee cummings. not mine
M Feb 2015
I feel like I'm suffocating
M Sep 2015
I tried to write a sonnet today
but I just couldn't find the beat
and it'd be nice if this was a sonnet
about not writing a sonnet,
but it's not, because life doesn't always work that way.
Sometimes it doesn't rhyme.
M Mar 2015
love is something people try to describe over and over again
they write books and poems and songs about it
it's nothing, really- but it's everything
it's the sun and the moon and the stars, we all know the words
we've all heard them, but those moments
when you feel it, when you feel like the world
has its arms wrapped around you, when you know
God is holding you in His hand and stroking you with His thumb
suddenly, there are no more wishes left
there are no more eyelashes to blink away, no more shooting stars
no more holding your breath through tunnels.
Sometimes it's as simple as knowing you have a rock of a friend
sometimes it's as complicated as leaving home just to be with someone
it burns, sometimes; but it never freezes your heart, never
it's a breath on a wind, a slight reassurance when someone glances
your way just as often as you glance theirs. It's something you never
thought you'd have. Someone you never thought you'd have.
You're safe now. There's no need to be scared anymore.
adapted from my theatre monologue and some personal thoughts. obviously I'm not dating anyone so this is just a mulling over and not personal or applicable to my life at all. ah, how i love leaving these little disclaimers at the bottom of these. It's like a little whisper space to make sure no one is misinterpreting what I'm writing. Good luck *******
M Feb 2015
is there anything left unspoken?
M Sep 2014
more than anything
I just want someone
to take me seriously
and treat me like an adult
M Mar 2015
losing it
M Jan 2016
you will find me
in places that we've never been
for reasons we don't understand.
M May 2015
you forget how much a tender heart bleeds.
M Sep 2015
God doesn't want us to just be happy.
God wants us to be like Him.
and maybe, then, we will be happy in heaven. but God never promised joy on earth. We have a wild God. Not a tame God. not a God who promises easy things and says we should live according to our own wishes. Sometimes He says things we don't understand, sometimes He commands things that really freaking **** and we feel like the world is crashing down on us, because God never said "follow me and you'll be happy in this life." He said "follow me." He said "take up your cross."
M May 2015
times like this, I fall ever more deeply in love with the human experience.
"all that blood was not once beautiful. it was just red."
M Aug 2014
I want an endless time to be peaceful
and alone
or maybe with someone
working and thinking
or maybe just being
carefree and dancing
or lazy and sleeping
but what I really want
is for it to be my *choice
M Apr 2015
"Finding God is not the same as losing everything that is not God."
from "lives of the saints"
M Oct 2014
is it too much to ask for some joy?
M Oct 2014
it is morning time
and the world is good to look at
i am lonely
but maybe not- i think i am just alone
i think i am fine with that
i realized that literally we can never be anything but alone. we are autonomous, separate people who can only communicate vaguely. i'm marching through this life absolutely solo with only God above who truly can be with me
M Feb 2015
"You will never be what you were supposed to."
there's a piece of art about trans men that gives me goosebumps every time I see it.
M Dec 2015
everybody wants to be liked by people that don't like anybody
(because we want to be special and exceptions)
but what everybody doesn't realize is that
the people that don't like anybody
are not the kind of people you want to like you.
M May 2014
i would run a million miles
to pique your interest
anything to be different
to fascinate you
I'd get plastic surgery
start wearing pink
have long angry conversations
smoke
reveal secret passions for boring things
just to see your confused, intrigued face
because that is my favorite of your expressions
the one that doesn't shut down when asked to think
the one that has forgotten to dislike,
the open face, the excited face, the beautiful face
that's it
that's the one.
M Aug 2014
for all my seeming comfort in ****** things
the ease at which I talk about banging, *******, *******
the instant someone's body comes close to mine,
inside that intimate area of personal space
I have NO idea what to do
so I panic, giggle, shut down, move away,
anything but, for I am maybe not ready
and maybe waiting for someone to make me ready.
M Apr 2014
I'm not crazy, I swear
I just notice everything you do, okay?
and these poems are unfiltered nonsense
pure emotion
that hold no factual basis
and even if you aren't avoiding me
it still feels like it
and I'm not crazy
I just don't like when someone who
I've had a secure friendship with
for 8 months
suddenly becomes less than an acquaintance.
it hurts. like there's a piece of me missing.
and fine, I get it,
if you need a break.
this will be your third break weekend.
maybe you made the decision to dislike me
but really, I haven't seen you ever dislike someone this much
in the way you behave towards me.
please, take your ******* break,
take your whole life as a break away from me,
please,
as long as you're happy.
I want you to be happy.
so just because I have feelings for you
doesn't mean I'm gonna do anything about it
or try and make you feel uncomfortable
because I've felt this way for a while
and you didn't seem to be uncomfortable the whole time.
I want you to be happy, so
I'll keep my distance, fine
I'll deal with it- I'm dealing every day
training myself to not care and to not notice
as if you're just another of my friends
but you're still always in my peripheral vision
like a rock in your shoe
you might not be consciously thinking about it
but you know it's there.
I'm sorry I feel this way about you
and I'm doing my best to fix it
so we can go back to having an actual relationship
without it being weird.
I'm not crazy, I swear
but it's hard to orient yourself
when your head is spinning
under,
over,
and around
your heels.
M Dec 2015
this would all be a whole lot easier if only...
M Apr 2014
you're pointedly avoiding me again
I'm not gonna ******* invite myself over
and **** you
like what the ****
leave me alone
but don't leave me completely alone
just behave normally, please
this isn't helping anything
it's weird and it's uncomfortable and
it makes me feel like **** that you'd rather stand alone
than talk to a group of people that has me in it
M Nov 2015
do you ever read a book that wakes you up inside
M Aug 2015
"God’s love is just as messy as the rain. He tends to soak us to the bone at the times we least expect it. It causes confusion and alters our plans. It can be freezing or warm, thunderous or soft. But it never leaves us crisp, neat, and dry. There is a temptation to pull out our spiritual umbrellas and hold off the downpour rather than get drenched. My physical umbrella may get dusty under my bed, but my spiritual umbrella is rarely far from my hip. God’s thunderstorms are scary.

And so my prayer today is that one day we will forget the word “umbrella.” We will splash in the puddles, play in the snow, and sweat in the heat. We will acknowledge rain and love for what they are: wet. And given that knowledge, we will happily go get soaked, and maybe even pretend to be airplanes."
from the blog of n.edwards
M Feb 2014
Sudden quick glances, a giggle in fall
the break in December, late-night kitchen ball
The secret eye-sharing, our souls deep entwined
The ever-eternal fruit of the vine
"Are you calling me short?" "It's not my fault I'm tall!"
No blood of our fathers could break us at all
Our story is longer than you could ever imagine.
No mind invented this beautiful pageant.
The mark of the skin, the secrets we keep,
there is no real doubt
you know not what you speak.
M Dec 2015
"Am I the only one who feels anything anymore?"
"No."
M Nov 2015
maybe I'm just crazy, maybe I'm a fool
maybe I don't know how to love, but
maybe I do.
from Ugly Heart by GRL. lyrics, not mine.
M Nov 2014
and here I was thinking it was about me all along
M Feb 2015
how does it feel to be completely ruled?
I've always bit and rebelled against power, I think, and I don't know how some people bend their wills so easily.
M Oct 2015
I want to pour hydrogen peroxide through my veins
so maybe then it will flush you out.
a bit overdramatic but..

not about anyone specifically. just thinking about how over the course of my life so many people have taken commanding roles of my destiny and I'm tired of being led around by other people's ideas of who I should be. I want to wash myself clean of all these people in the past.
M Feb 2016
down came the lightning on me
M Dec 2015
I couldn't give any less of a ****.
M Mar 2015
we can't live without things outside ourselves
if we were self-sufficient, no one would ever have to die
just thinking about water
M Feb 2015
how can someone who sculpted the mountains with his thumbs
and suspends the whole universe inside his mind
love me so desperately that he would die for me?
M Sep 2015
all of us are waiting for someone to want our truth, all of it.
reading tattoos on the heart and also inspired by ray's piece
M Nov 2015
and in the end, that's God sitting up there
he just handed me God
I'm holding God in my mouth
that's God sitting in my stomach
what else can really matter except that
in several thousand locations, heaven touches Earth
constantly, creating wormholes and chasms and the Lord
the creator of the universe, sits in my cells, right now
God waits in the space between the highest and the lowest of realms
connecting the vaults of angels and the meanest human on this earth
He waits. and He waits for us to eat Him, in the most
******, necessary way possible- He waits for us to need Him,
and He is there, waiting. Our God is there. My God is here.
M May 2015
I'll keep my eyes wide open
I'll keep my arms wide open
dont let me go / harry styles
M Nov 2014
I can heal the hearts of everyone now
maybe my hands were not meant for just one to hold
M Jan 2014
I'm tired of those poems that say
'so much depends on'
or
'there was only'.
There was never only.
There is always more.
If I can say that so much depends on
then I can say that so much depends on this poem
and that is simply not true.
M Apr 2014
I don't know what this is.
I don't know if it's love or if I'm gonna
ever be brave enough to give or get a kiss
I don't know if I wanna
step aside for the changing tides
I'm just reaching for the stars
within my semi-open mind
and the stars are just too far
for me to grasp in time.
I do know you're perfect
but maybe not perfect for me
and I think I love you desperately far more than is wise
there's really nothing else I can make myself be
than a foolish romantic with ice-colored eyes
maybe through those I'll eventually see
what I mean to you
and what you mean to me.
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