everyone keeps telling me
'don't die on me'

...as if I have a choice.

did I ask?

I don't respond well to advice, do I?

I can see it in your eyes

I have always wanted a story-book love
so I have made myself a story-book person

it's just safer
to assume
that it is not me
that is has never been me
and will never be me

but what does my God think of me?

fire that's closest kept burns most of all

fill my cup so that it may runneth over

nope.

you can't google the lessons you can learn from other people.

would it be too late now

what does it mean to be human?

and I also wish everyone was friendly towards me
because it's not like I blew up the ******* world-
I'm tired of half-side glances and avoided eye contact and
body language where they point their feet away and
checking the time, I don't know what I did to deserve that
you know? I'm just as hurt and ****** up as some of them
and just as happy and chill and laid back as some of them
and just as good of a friend as some of them
(but from what I've seen, that's not saying much.)

soon, soon, soon, soon, soon
but why not now?

I have 88 days now to remember who I am
and as I walked outside this morning, I smelled it.

“To be Irish is to know that in the end the world will break your heart."

if you focus on the future, you shall despair when it is
no longer available
goes unplanned
or is gone
if you focus on the past, you shall always despair, as it is
gone forever
but if you live in the moment, and you exist in the presence of God,
there is no time, there is no despair,
there is only now, endless and forever joy from the
endless and forever light and love
that shall never abandon us,
never leave us lonely,
and shall always be on the throne-
we can do nothing to earn this,
we do not deserve this,
but we are blessed,
we are blessed,
we are blessed,
we are forever blessed.

reminds her of the missing piece of innocence she lost

Wake up! Wake up! There's someone who needs you.
Wake up! They deserve you.

my life is so open in front of me.

"Hating is easy. It's loving that's hard."

"You have work to do."

another and another and another
I dive in
only this time to learn how it feels
to win

"Just as each snowflake is unique, so is each person. Your primary purpose in life is to experience life from one individual, unique point of view. You are an expression of Infinite Being as it experiences itself from all possible viewpoints." ~ Owen Waters

it's tomorrow and it's not a break
for anybody involved and I should go to bed
and it's not Christmas yet but it feels like it
my head hurts a bit but I can't change whatever
it is that is written on my skin, not yet
but in a years' time, I swear, but I only wish
I knew where I was going and that
this poem didn't end like this.

there are many types of love
while I might feel phileo towards him and
eros towards her and storge towards Her
I might feel agape towards you
and I would say that the difference between romance and friendship
while I thought it was ***, for a long time,
is not- it is something more, intangible
an inseperation between souls
a terrible desire to be one-
a necessity of agape between the two
and a feeling that you will be insufficient
without it.

I'm still trying to find me and I'm at peace for now
that means that I am exactly where I am supposed to be
anything extra and anything less, and I would not be
exactly where I am supposed to be. I don't know how to say it.
I don't know what to write.

"I am not eccentric. It’s just that I am more alive than most people."

*******

Too caught up to see the light but somehow it's been sneaking in piece by piece and I'm fine

oh honey, let's run away together
I'm sure you'd look beautiful sleeping in the car
as the sunset fell over the mountains
and the whole world would agree with me, I think.

"When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful."

things will change, I'm sorry
although I feel I'm leaving an unfinished business
sometimes God wills it.

I don't really care if you think I'm better or worse than I was before
because all I'm doing now is trying to make myself better
step by step, inch by inch, don't judge me
by how far I've fallen if I'm trying to pick myself back up.

it seems that other people have everything they need
but they are everything I need

"The urge to destroy is also a creative urge."

it's almost better not to be focused on certain things,
this is only a part of you
when it begins it begins with you,
it'll be over and you'll still be there-
feelings are temporary and so is your life
step back, take a moment, and breathe
don't waste this.

when God prays, you know it's serious

but sometimes even at all costs you aren't enough
and sometimes you have to be okay with that

can anyone write a poem without mentioning love, cigarettes, or spring?

“You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, I told him, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way ever again.”

God knows what He's doing,
whatever it is.

oh, don't worry, please
I know what I'm doing.

"Finding God is not the same as losing everything that is not God."

I don't know what to do when I don't have to do anything

I don't feel like doing much of anything anymore
except just sit in silence
sleep,
and listen to music.

God's law is God's law

"Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life - and travel - leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks - on your body or on your heart - are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt."

it's important to realize how little of an impact you actually have
because it frees you to make the biggest impact you possibly can