You're still tired of me and
I'm not ******* treating you as anything more than a stranger
you're barely an acquaintance now.
Are you happy now that we don't speak?
Isn't that what you wanted?
You dislike me and fine,
I'll ignore you, if you return the favor.
I have other friendships to **** up,
with people that actually give a **** about me.

my favorite feeling is the hollow taste of tears in the back of my throat

mortal body; timeless souls
cross your fingers, here we go

"He also loves. He also has suffered. He also has waited a long time."

back to when? what good old days?
the only place to go is forward.

spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning
throwing out as fast as it draws in and attached
so we will never stop moving but we'll never get closer either
hurtling, I'm getting sick, but if I stop
everything collapses.

I tried, I tried, I tried.
That's all I can do
that's all anyone can do.

I don't know who I am.

it hardly hurts now.

we are not for each other
and maybe I will never be for anyone
or maybe
no one will ever be for me

I'm afraid that no one will ever see your soul again
but I'm more afraid that someone will.

hold my hand

believe whatever you want to believe,
but as for me, I believe that love wins.
Always.

sometimes you have to bleed to know
that you're alive and have a soul

And I will tell the night
whisper, "Lose your sight,"
but I can't move the mountains for you.

if the sun
e
     x
p  
   l
        o
d
     e
    d

what would you do
with your last week?

and if you took my word for it
you must not know me at all.

I shouldn't feel like I have to throw up right now. but
*there's no shame in being human.

"If we burn, you burn with us."

and dear Lord, I am so glad that there is more to me than this.

"...I used to fear it, for your sake. I feared you would be left alone inside that wall. But now... something has changed. I do not know why. But I know that it is true."
"That what is true?"
"That the wall is coming down.”

Help!
In desperate need of hope.

I used to think the terminality of my life lent it a weight
now I realize that all the gravity is in the eternality.

"and now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good."

Tell me do you ever cry while we waste away our lives?
Oh, I wish I could be more.
I could be more.
I could be more.

...go on, twist the knife.

I can't wait to be far away

no need to make storms out of breezes,
tornadoes out of butterflies,
typhoons out of drizzles. No reason to not just
let it be sunny while it is.

if there was an easy answer I would have chosen it already

or do you only believe in religious liberty for Christians?

you know that we know next to nothing
and even of that, we know very little of what we do not know

if the water is cold enough, we mistake it for heat.

it is of utmost importance
to not be afraid of yourself.

I feel like I'm missing the spring

"She fell in love with the way I looked at the world, but I forgot all about the world when I looked at her."

"It's like giving alcohol to people who haven't had a taste of water in years."

find some books to read and find whole worlds to fall in love with
because you deserve more than a fragment that someone wants to give you
you deserve a whole soul, something unlimited
but what you don't realize is you're already unlimited, you're boundless
so first, fall in love with yourself and then you know
then you know you're safe.

"Every time you condemn someone for doing something, you neglect the tiny part of yourself that would have tried it."

it's driving me crazy and I'm so tired of lying
but do I really have a choice

“Men do not differ much about what things they will call evils; they differ enormously about what evils they will call excusable."

"When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what the storm's all about."

the silence is good for me.
I can't help but wonder if one day
they'll call me sister, or mother,
this is so insistent, God has never called my name
so strongly, He's begging me to surrender,
a tidal pull, gravity- please, let go, He says. Trust me.

I'm happiest when I'm with you

"We have two natures. An animal nature and a human nature. Our animal nature is derived from 40 million years of ape history. We are 98.9 per cent chimp DNA. Chimpanzees are territorial, hierarchical, patriarchal and they are competitive-aggressive. We, as social beings, are territorial, hierarchical, patriarchal and competitive-aggressive. But we have something else. The chimps can’t break out of that… [but] human nature breaks boundaries. Our human nature says, You know what, I am going to be free… We are constantly pulled between our animal nature and human nature. We are torn between the two. And it is not resolved in anyone’s lifetime."

I am more afraid of the animal nature of the human than I am
of anything else
show me someone sitting and learning and I will cheer
show me someone playing an elaborate game and I will applaud
show me someone loving and I will weep
show me someone controlling themselves and I will hold up my fist
but show me someone rabid, lustful, forceful, and animalistic
to the point that watching them is like watching an angry dog
and I will cower- there is nothing more terrifying
than someone who has lost their own humanity
because humanity is not our ability to feel- no, anyone can do that
all animals feel
humanity is our ability to understand how and why we feel
and to act on that
humanity is not our ability to love, it is our ability to act with love,
and even when you hate someone and wish they were dead,
it is the ability to choose, despite the rage inside you, to hold them
and to let them cry in your arms, even if they haven't paid their
share in the bills, even if they yelled at you last night, even
if they didn't pick up your daughter when you asked them to,
even as they fall further and further away from you, when their
mother dies, you know exactly what to do
and you let them cry, because humanity is the ability to rise above
feelings, to not let them rule you,
and it is the ability to act as though no one else can do it
to respect their emotions as if they have no control
because maybe they do, maybe they don't
it is your duty to hold them, that's what humanity is,
to hold them,
and to love them anyway.

I don't want someone to own me, or vice versa
I just want to belong to each other

"When was the last time someone ran their fingers through the knots in your soul?"

to follow Jesus you've gotta get up and go.

I refuse to succumb to this again, and spend
weeks and months in hopeless misery
and excited adrenaline- I refuse to topple
heels over head, obsessive and unfulfilled,
this is unacceptable, I cannot, I will not
feel like this again, help me- it must not be real
I will deny and refuse this time-
I recognize the signs, and I can stop myself,
I have to be able to stop myself,
I will end this now.

I said, "Lord, what do You want from me?"
and You said, "Everything."

Suddenly I want to feel again