superboy and the invisible girl
son of steel and daughter of air
he's a hero, a lover, a prince,
she's not there.

we're all left to shiver in the bitter little aftershocks.

i stole a kiss from her
she gave it willingly, then, maybe,
but i think she knew, maybe, that i was lying to her the whole time,
i stole her first kiss, and when we told stories about it around the fire,
we both lied, then, and looked at each other,
and my lips remembered hers and hers, mine,
she laid next to me on my bed and hearts pounding
we remembered the last time we had laid like that and i ****** myself
i took what had been not mine and was not mine to take
and she, that angel of a girl,
forgave me somehow,
how could she forgive me?
and I find myself tossing and turning
into love with someone
whom I do not deserve to touch.

am I your daydream

for a second, I saw you exactly the way you see yourself

the bravery that lets the giggles fade away and
our hearts come nervously and timidly out of their shells
is the same bravery that lets us spark our small fires,
stand up for our brothers, and turn away from hell.

all you have is your fire
and for God's sake, don't let it burn out.

I am more like you
than you
are aware of

everybody needs somebody,
and I've only got myself for company.

I want to have a body
that matches my mind

what happened? why do you
hate me? where'd it go?

the idea of someone
being in love with me
is laughable

kiss me now that I'm older

I seek to be understood,
as always- but I seek to understand,
primarily because I think if I understand hard enough,
then someone will be able to understand me.
If my car goes where my eyes go then I will reach an inevitable
conclusion, the star-struck protrusion is pointless in your eyes,
I speak endlessly to enable you to understand me and the universe-
we are one, I am you, I am the sky,
I am atoms explaining themselves,
I speak the wind that created me,
We are of equal value, but different consciousness stages-
You will one day be where I am and I will one day be where you are,
these divisions are temporary, simultaneously dangerous and valuable,
My greatest accomplishment and greatest downfall
is the separation and distinction of 'myself' from the rest of it,
I've drawn a sinful line that divided me from God,
The line itself is what defines sin-
Eve and Adam's apple created the human ego
and forever abandoned unity with God,
Inscribing pride and individuality into human hearts forever-
pride enabled me to think these things
and pride is what will build my intelligence that will enable my humility-
I move in a great circle and am drowning in metaphysicalities,
and I know all this, acknowledge it,
and have moved on-
the mountains are mountains and the rivers are rivers,
I have eighty long years ahead and I will do with them what I wish,
I'm pumped for my joy, pain, love, and strife-
so make no mistake,
I chose this life.

Logic is not an end, it is a pathway,
with happiness as a goal, anything seemingly illogical can be justified
Enjoying clouds is illogical and irrelevant, pointless,
Wearing matching shirts to track is unnecessary,
"Why would you logically find joy in something like that?"
You cannot look at the individual incident.
there is always a reason to be unhappy-
Unless the goal you are striving for is to be happy- in which,
finding joy in anything is logical-
because the very act of feeling joy is a choice to increase endorphins,
not a result of stimuli.
Humor in itself is illogical and pointless to your survival,
but to make your survival worthwhile, it is exactly what you need.

what is valuable about our individuality?
we know, or think we know, that
we've always acknowledged its importance,
but I want a concrete answer-
why is it important that I am different than you?
why is it important that I am better than you?
why is it important that we be divided?
why is it important that I am-
rather than we are?

"We share the oceans. We share the sky."

and God gives me what I need
be it living, love, or dreams.

hey pretty boy,
I hear our myers-briggs personalities are compatible.
You've got exactly the kind of curly hair I'm looking for
and chocolate brown eyes
tall, skinny,
a nice jawline-
you love to read, you value close relationships-
hell, you play the double bass
and have the nicest arm muscles I've ever seen-
you love your family, and live in Abita
with goats and sheep
and if you're so **** perfect for me,
why do I still love her?

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I'm half a man, at best
with half an arrow in my chest

caring about you makes my stomach hurt now
and if that isn't a sign of change, and change for the better
then I don't know what is.

any problem that can be solved with a movement down
can be solved with a movement up
and you've got to unlock the secret
don't get yourself lost and get small numbers
in uncomfortable positions
keep it all organized
and watch your moves so you don't make a mistake
so always move up

I've always wanted you to expose yourself,
drop the shell,
show who you REALLY are inside-
show it,  just for me,
and I guess maybe I've realized
the shell is who you are.

parts of me breaking off with every instant
and parts of me growing, but always changing

don't know where I'm running but I know how to run
'cause running's the thing I've always done
don't know what I'm doing but I know what I've done
I'm a hungry heart, I'm a loaded gun.

There is always legend in pursuing endlessly
in refusing to see bad, in rescuing the damsel
"she doesn't love you now but she will if you just..."
Maybe I should stay by her side
and wait for millions of years
until we're both fossils
and no one remembers our names.
There is no romanticism in giving up.
...but you always were a realist,
and you've changed me more than I'd like to admit.

Maybe my distance has made me realize
now, I don't even want to run off into the sunset with you
I wouldn't care if I died tomorrow
as long as I could be with you today.
I miss you,
I miss you, as you are you,
and not as someone I wish you were-
I miss being with you wholly and completely,
I miss your 'cold heart' and I miss how you'd call yourself an *******
I miss our group text and I miss the light in your eyes
I miss how you'd call me ridiculous
I miss being way too happy to see each other in the hall
I miss dancing
I miss how you'd huddle up your arms when I went to hug you
I miss your beautiful mind and I miss interacting with it.
I miss you as you and I don't want you any other way.

you're ruining me

and then they were the whole world

I love seeing you happy.

You walked by while I was in biology
in the middle of a sentence, I stopped
my mouth agape,
my eyes alit, following your path
I'd never seen someone so beautiful
like an angel cried a single tear on your mother's womb
because finally there was a person on earth
who is as awe-inspiring as a creature in heaven
and I can't focus on anything but you
look how her hair falls over her shoulder
look how untouchable, how ****** up I am,
it will never be the same,
I can never have her,
be satisfied with friendship,
those lips,
be okay with how she is,
I want her, I've never wanted anyone this much
I want to wake up next to that face,
I can't, I can't
but look how beautiful she is,
my friends said, 'hey, maddie'
turned around,
and didn't see anything- for you were gone.

dancing in private, alone on the waves
some things we can only to each other say
these howling winds can hardly break, hurricanes
will melt like sand around us, we are strong
the ship to my compass, the voice to my song
the heart to my arrow, the love to my pain
the rope to my anchor, the bird to my cage
I won't forget you're the only place I've ever belonged
and, darling, with you I'll stay forever long.

they tell you to stay tender your whole life
but they don't tell you how much it hurts

everyone believes they are the best at something
and I used to think I was the smartest,
but as people started getting higher and higher grades
and I stayed at my comfortable 96, I realized
that I am second, or third
I used to think I was the most athletic,
because my mile time was the fastest in my PE class,
but maybe I didn't realize that my class was at
Sacred Heart, and I was the smartest in middle school,
and that in Theatre I cannot make up for my lack of feeling
and I cannot let go
and I have been so focused on myself that I am lagging in the dynamics, I missed something
I missed about a month of moments and glances
and I am not as involved as I should be-
I have failed in latching to the people around me
and they slip by, waxy now, for I cannot catch up
there are secrets I do not know, glances I do not understand
I have been in survival mode for so long
that I have not been able to live-
I am not the best at speaking, or making friends,
or working group dynamics, or basketball,
or school, or math, or violin, or acting-
maybe my mom is wrong.
Maybe I am a B student.

"I am the God that makes fire in the head."

As if only boys could have angel faces
and you said it so restrictingly
I couldn't help but think
you have no idea who I am
that I wouldn't say something mushy about a girl
actually, I wouldn't say something mushy about a boy
you are so ignorant
but it's okay because you have to be
it's just
if you'd read any of my poetry,
you wouldn't be so quick to decide
what gender I was referring to
when I talked about the face of an angel.

I won't act my age, not if it means
losing any more of my precious time
here on this earth. I'm already this old-
what's the point of spending days thinking
about what I should look like
or how I should behave?

you were selling boys to teach the class how to kiss
and for some reason, I spoke up, like I usually do,
and I asked, "how much for the master?"
and you looked at me with your mouth slightly open like you usually do, and said
"are you flirting with me?"
to which I responded,
"yes. is there a problem?"
and you smiled
and then later, alone for the private lesson,
I felt your lips on mine,
soft and pressing, in time together,
pulsing with our heartbeats
slowly, at first, working our way up,
a little tongue here and there,
you'd stop and chastise me
there's something intimate about lips on lips that's more than just skin
it's the warmth and force and desire
our bodies pressed together
and then
I saw you again alone later in the dream
and, eyes full of longing, leaned
forward, and you told me the lesson was over
and I kissed you anyway
I saw you again in the shower, naked,
pressed against me, wet and soft
and you told me the lesson was over
and we kept kissing anyway.

everyone seems to have a dream
a poet that must occupy their time
weaving words through the weary seams
an artist must dance their brush in line
with the natural beauty of rivers and streams
a dancer spends their evenings alone
forgetting who they are, at home
and can never be forgotten-
a violinist feels their fingers hum over the strings
and the far off mountain's distant thrum
calling to their soul-
everyone seems to have a dream,
a plan for the future, divine-
planned out by heaven before them
but the hard question is: what is mine?

if being an adult means doing what you've always done
even though the alternative is better
forgive me, I won't join you.

I am tired
of people talking to me
like I am stupid
and tired
of this condescending tone
in words and writing
and the 'I'm a parent you're a child'
attitude, and the 'just wait til you go to college'
why do I have to wait? Why is it that
righteousness is delayed,
that it is assumed I am average,
a child to be ignored,
I am  capable of making my own decisions
and I am tired of adults telling me I cannot
simply because I have not traveled the sun's orbit enough.
what is your IQ, oh wise and elder one?
please enlighten me with what politics you think will help America.
what is your opinion on the five pillars of Islam?
What about the politics of Nepal?
and is China a communist or socialist state?
oh, you don't care? why?
because you're satisfied with being ignorant
and you refuse to have your beliefs questioned by someone
younger than you
because by birthright, you have claimed
authority over all areas of life and have
taken the wishes of children until they are left beaten down
for you do not believe in them,
you only believe in yourself,
and you are wrong,
but you can't see that.

it has never been about the things I was doing, for me
but always about how I felt while I was doing them-
my mom always told me,
"wherever you go, there you are"
and at camp, we had to suffer through whatever was thrown at us
so we learned eventually not to suffer,
and to enjoy the world, even the boring world,
if we were with people we loved-
so I have never checked things off a list, I have never sought out
adventure, so much as love
because I would rather be home with a friend
than in an exotic location, alone,
for the empty pleasure of having done it, because to have done it
is not nearly as important as being fulfilled and satisfied
with whatever it is you have
while you are not on an adventure
because if you look at it this way,
everything is an adventure already.

i would like to watch your heart beat
and your chest move up and down
as the breath that is partway mine
flows in and out of you

how desperately I would like to be a failure
and for someone to take me away from here
for I have never had a great sadness
and I do not know how that feels
I would love for nothing to depend on me
to let my poor sorry soul heal
for people to command 'just be happy'
and at last I can think of what's real
so take me, drive me in a car
to the west and east in our wheels
with nothing but you and my heart
and nothing but wind in my ears.

what does it take to ruin someone and for them to ruin you?
I can look in your eyes and see what is true, I can
break into your motives and see why you do it, I can
take a flame to the glacier and melt your ice down, but
in my ears beating my burning heart sounds like a thunderous
cry, etching your name on my soul, when you leave there can be nothing,
I can never be whole, my mind is a solver, I crawl into blank spaces
and find underneath them the hidden, dark mazes- without the problem
there can be no solution, only when you are there can I have absolution-
you are a lock to my key that will melt- constantly forming-
into something I've lost. Every day has a morning- but the night destroys
day and the dark is afraid- I am only for you, now, forever and always
(at least til the next, when I fall in the hallways)
my heart is not open, it is a strong focused beam-
to bring light to your days, and bring hope to your dreams.

A lot of my poems are about love.
the kind of love that works to give and not take
it's hard to describe that love
and I couldn't, for a while, but I think
I can do it now.
Love.
it binds us together
you give all you can
and when you can't give any more, you keep
giving.
and when they fail to give,
you FORgive. you give FOR them.
and you put others first and
you swear their heart is pure
when it's not
because that's what love does
because it shows them that you believe their
heart is pure. and that's worth more than
anything. and you trust in their heart
and you hold it gently in yours
and when they fail you, you hold their heart
even more tenderly
so that they may heal.
This kind of love is selfless, and exists solely
for the benefit of others,
and it is eternal,
ever-flowing,
Christ-given,
all-knowing.
This kind of love is hard,
and the path to find it is long,
but if you give,
and don't expect anything in return,
you will be happy.
and everyone around you will be happy.

the act of loving someone is when you choose to see Christ in them
and the feeling of loving someone is when Christ shows Himself in you.

One day, an abbot pulled a brother who was having some difficulty aside. He said to him, "Look, Brother, I know you are having a hard time right now. I need you to do what I tell you." The brother agreed. So the abbot told him to take a cup of salt and pour it in a glass of water. "Now taste it," he told him. The brother did. "How does it taste?" "It's bitter." Now, the abbot took the brother to a great lake that was near the abbey and instructed the brother to pour a cup of salt into the lake. "Now taste it," he told him. The brother did. "How does it taste?" "It's pure and fresh and clean." The abbot looked him in the eyes and said, "The bitterness you taste is relative to the size of your perspective. When you are small, the same amount of salt can make you bitter. Expand your perspective. When you begin to see things in universal terms, the salt cannot make you bitter. Stop being a glass. Be a lake."

a house is not a home until
it has been kissed in
a single secret has been kept inside of it
a dreamcatcher hangs in a room
the porch furniture is creative
the couch feels and looks worn down
it smells like it has been returned to from the wilderness
it has been written in
a dog has lived in it
someone has slept naked there
a large group of people has stayed awake far too late
to wake up far too groggy
and most important of all, someone has fallen in love
in between the walls and themselves.