I get so jealous

My dad put up a full-length mirror in my room
and I, for the first time in a long time, saw how beautiful I am.

"What and how much had I lost by trying to do only what was expected of me instead of what I myself had wished to do?" -Ralph Ellison

people are so soft and so tender
we are all souls, do you ever think about that? walking
through a hall, a road, and realizing there are so many
exactly like you. and so different.

I don't really care if you think I'm better or worse than I was before
because all I'm doing now is trying to make myself better
step by step, inch by inch, don't judge me
by how far I've fallen if I'm trying to pick myself back up.

it was a burning, living heaven, or hell, as we called it-
but I've never missed it more.

I'm going to die and so are you so let's leave

what does it mean to be a child? an animal? a human? an adult?

but I am not yours.

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
-Erica Jong

I like sad, quiet songs to fill my time
I do not like nail polish or lipstick
because I feel like I am in a costume-
I like men's button down shirts and baggy jean shorts
and sunny days, I like sunny days
I like sweating and laughing,
I like grass and dirt and forgetting to shower,
I like to be a person with good character,
I like to be a role model,
I like to let people be themselves-
I like campfires and bugs and sleeping under the stars
I like boxer shorts and chacos and braids and swimming in lakes
I like all these things that I have forgotten-
and I will not apologize for myself.

do not talk down on me like I am less of a soul
less of a point of the whole universe observing itself
less of an intelligence than you are; I am
equal, I am equal, I am equal, I am equal
and how long have we been trying to prove it?

what does my name look like written on someone else's heart?

Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth. Do not forget what you are worth.

oh, honey, one day you'll be there
but until then I have to work to make myself
into the person you're going to fall in love with-
I will be the best me I can be, for you.

fill my cup so that it may runneth over

I am so ready for summer
but I think I have a little bit more time left
and it's important not to skip ahead
so for now, I'm so ready for track season
and I'm so ready for the end of this quarter
and I'm so ready for school tomorrow
and I'm so ready for my day today
and I'm so ready for this moment, right now.

can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
can I handle the seasons of my life?

give me quiet music and quiet people any day
stop saying 'I think', it's obvious, isn't it, that you think
we all think, and that's why we're speaking, or not,
depending on the mood, give me a soft bed and warm food any day
I used to throttle myself on rollercoasters, I used to want
to run dry and smoke, and fester in the sun
follow your heart, they say, but what they don't realize
is that your heart changes directions- it is no compass
pointing towards your destiny- it is a tour guide
gently leading you along the scenic route this way and that
so follow it, maybe it won't lead you where you think
and it for sure won't leave you there for long
before you embark on another journey.

beautiful people, all of you,
every one worth falling in love with-
every one worth dying for.

the true bravery comes in knowing you are limited and breaking
your own limits anyway.

we aren't so alone

if I don't know half of you
and you don't know half of me
then how the hell can we be half a heart
without each other?

I am not enough-
and yet, I am more than enough

why do we censor love more strongly
than we censor violence?

how we are loved

if I showed you every second the way I felt
we would both explode, or die, or both
I see the ******* stars in every time you move-
but I can't, and I wish you could understand
I tear you apart because it costs more to try and hold you together
if you saw in my eyes the way I spark in my soul
you would be absolutely shocked
and it would destroy everything we have. and for that
I'm sorry, so for now I will quietly
put to bed the flames, and I will douse them and sit quietly waiting
but, oh God- what a waste of love.

Icarus was flying too close to the sun
but he's fine now

and that's *okay

we're all gonna die
so why won't God put things in our hearts that work together
one day my ashes will turn to ashes
and I think He is just trying to beat my lesson into me
and one day I'll learn, but I think before that,
to dust I shall return.

watching this movie I think made me realize
that not only will it get better
it will also get worse- one day it won't just be unrequited love
one day someone and I will have lived together,
breathed together, and something will tear us apart so
we can no longer coexist- someday I will cry myself to sleep
and during the day will feel nothing but brokenness
someday I will have places to go that remind me of them
and smells that make my chest heave
someday my hands will be warm from holding theirs
someday I will wake up next to someone I love
and the next day I won't.

I already know. and I think we all do,
everyone tied together in each others hearts
no one has said anything but I think we all see where our gazes lie

love isn't seeing all of them and loving them anyway
because you can't- you can't see all of them, ever
you'll never know their whole soul
you can't love someone for what you see because they will
constantly, constantly show you new things
changing your impression and taking or giving your love
your idea of them cannot change your love for them because then
it is constantly shifting and changing
and if their soul and person and essence do not change-
why should your love for them?
but- faith, faith is the guarantee that because God loves all
God loves them, perfectly- and God knows them, perfectly-
faith is knowing that even if you doubt,
even if you see parts of them that are gross, that are broken
that get angry at you- even if you see vengeful and mean parts-
God knows their whole soul and loves them anyway
faith is not seeing all but knowing all is worth dying for
faith is seeing a certainity of hope that they are worth loving.

I feel it in my bones and I carry it in my heart
one day my skin will touch it again

I found out a long time ago what a woman can do to your soul

I write, like most everyone else
to a nameless king or queen whom, at my beck and call
becomes my spouse; a star around which I orbit
a timeless way of dancing through the skies
because somehow, no matter when or where or lack thereof of whom I love-
be it the world of sin or heaven's Son- no matter where you lie,
even broken and torn in the earth or sea, deep ocean blue-
your name is always 'you'.

think of me when you don't want to

it seems that I've waited so long for the key to my poetry
and the words didn't come easy, like ink on skin,
I waited for ages and it hurt, it stung
but at last, now, they flow.

everybody's got a dream, don't we
a city they see themselves in, a home away from home
where their skin can feel not so close to its bones
as it used to- where is yours?

it's not about the innocence of the life
who are you to weigh the sins of children?
it is about the life itself. We are all children,
we are all unborn in the eyes of the Creator.
and His name is God.

silent silver, burning gold
there ain't no peace but on my own

it's not three AM anymore, it's all times and all ages
bright lights flash across blank stares, dark faces
everything's spinning except you

looking out the window of a rainy coffee shop in New York
watching the sad people walk by and the happy people walk by
glancing at the other to see if we're really real
the mountains exist, we know they do
so all at once we decide to leave
and we go, and never return.
occasionally we leave again.

a book and a quiet room while it rains with someone I love

who is it I see in this body
and who is it I know in this heart?

on my way, on my way
reading and learning and dancing
and I'm on my way- still fighting to learn who I am,
still fighting to show the world who I am- but that's okay
because I'm on my way.

peace needs to be found in myself

It's not that I like bad girls
I just like girls who are bad for me

and then they were the whole world

love isn't knowing someone so well you see them as they see themselves
love is knowing someone so well you see them as God sees them.