for a second, I saw you exactly the way you see yourself

I can't write without at least five people thinking it's about them
it's never about you; it's always me, it's always about me
love poems are enscribed straight from my mind, directed towards
none, and all, the universe, God, myself
Art is not towards the subject but rather from the artist
and if you can't see that, I will take my ******* artistic license
and tell you to '*******' like I did before
at least, 'you' probably think it's 'you' again, don't you?

I am a piece of metal
hammered and bent by everyone I meet
I am... wait, haven't I written about this before?

I used to say "Here I am, Lord",
and now, I say "where am I, Lord?"

how do I pick myself up
I don't know how to get out of this
I am nothing but ashes

I feel like I'm suffocating

but I don't even know half of you

do you realize my uniqueness?

I used to say, "burn me to a crisp"
and now there's nothing left to burn
I want nothing to do with love- *******,
I want you
to mean nothing to me,
I'm so sorry but driving me crazy is not
a romantic idea anymore, I'm tired
of wanting to smash my head through a window around you
I'd like a ******* good night's sleep, if that's alright
so kindly **** out of my head,
**** out of my heart,
**** out my life already if you're not going to stay.

I don't know what else to tell you except to *******

show, don't tell

who am I kidding?

Yes, I want you to look at me and think you can't do without
I'm selfish, I know, but I've felt like this for so long
I know how powerful I can be, yes, I want to tear someone apart
yes, I know it's wrong, but I want to rip out your heart.

just watch

did I ask?

I heard him call you soft and I agreed but I hated him for it

I can see it in your eyes

Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.

"man always has two reasons for what he does: a good one, and the real one"

kiss me now that I'm older

God doesn't make mistakes
and that's exactly why I am the way I am

I stopped myself from falling,
maybe that's a good thing, that I don't have to go all the way,
but I can't help but wonder if I'm ruining it
destroying my heart's capacity for complete love
and it's true, I won, it's through-
but is it a good thing that I cut myself off from loving you?
will I ever be able to let myself go again?
and if someone ends up loving me, what will I do?

what do you want from me

how many dreams have I been in?

a real life teenage dream is just wandering thoughts
that keep me awake

maybe love is when they're the only one who
isn't driving you crazy

I don't respond well to advice, do I?

if being an adult means doing what you've always done
even though the alternative is better
forgive me, I won't join you.

I wanna linger a little longer
mmm, a little longer here with you
where the hot rain soaks through my clothes
so I take them off
and we run together, feet pounding on the rocks
and hearts racing neck to neck
and I want to hold hands in the dark to sing
and I want to be cold and be warm
and wake up together again.

"This screams Republican."
"Um, excuse me, is that supposed to be a bad thing?"

Yes. Yes, it ******* is. You're the reason why this country is so ****** up, you, and your mother, who call themselves Christians and behave the same as the Pharisees whom Christ reviled, you who forget the poor and blame the women and latch on to the past as though even new and better solutions are wrong because they are different. Yes, it is a bad thing.

you're ruining me

just hoping for stronger days to come

there's more than you
sure, we're all at the center of our own spiderwebs
pulling and grasping at each other,
and we all think we're the center of everyone elses' as well
the sun to their globes, but as stars, we
twinkle through the atmosphere and fade again,
leaving nothing, no lasting mark on our orbits
you think your star is the brightest in my sky
but honey, I'm the brightest.
I am my own star.

why is no one loved?
we can't see the ones who love us
and even they, do they care as much as they say?

I can't sleep because I matter so little

we are the reason that the other can't breathe
people, a person, is the most beautiful of things
I am the fresh breeze while you shift beneath me
and the world looks brighter in another's heart
there's something about waking up not alone
that cheers your soul and stirs it
You can't change, but you are, aren't you?
maybe we just don't show each other
but we did, we did change, we boil within our hearts
and toss about, vaporizing the love we feel for each other
because we're too scared to pour it,
maybe people are so lonely because we burn so bright
we're scared to scald our neighbors,
we think we're too hot for them, we'll char their skin,
but we won't- their heart is as hot as ours
I am a coal who needs company or else I will die out
the soft red light from within me fades
until someone shows me theirs.

dirt after rain
sunscreen
bug spray
cigarettes
grass
laundry
sweat
mud
algae-filled water
burning wood
marshmallows
the cologne Pa wears
the smell of their house
old New Orleans buildings
airports
hotel rooms
basketballs
woodburning
the lodge at camp
bridge cabin
the rez in the morning

no sound without silence
no peace without love
you must have your highs and lows
there is nothing so maddening as a flat line
to know your own composure within yourself,
you must throw yourself into different activities
only then can your soul remain whole
while the ocean around you is flat, you run the risk
of running over, of blending into the surroundings
force makes you solid and shows you who you are
inactivity, boredom, wears away and erodes at your good character
if you don't use it, you lose it.

take me to Ireland
let's paint the town green

my hell is restlessness
restless indifference, acedia,
because the heart of the wanderer rests in travel and movement
and to not move is to be constantly at motion
never ceasing, heart still beating
but not in peace.

that once you give something, it's yours to rip from them
that the love you have must come at the expense of the people around you
that every conflict must be met with loud noises and anger
that being alone is a dangerous thing
that being alone is the only safe place
that to feel comfortable with someone, you have to assert your dominance
that you can never feel comfortable
that to ask a question means there's something wrong with you
that my opinions mean nothing and I am never right
that if I'm upset, it's not their fault but mine
that no matter what the situation is, my feelings are invalid
that happiness or sadness has more to do with sleep than choice
that 'genetics' give people an excuse to be *******
that if someone's going through a hard time, they're allowed to **** up their children, but apparently the children's hard time doesn't matter
that a child is less of a person because they are a child
that only your own schedule is important and other people are not to be thought of
that nothing is really private
that I never want to be a parent
and you know what's ****** up about all this? that my friends are going home to verbally and emotionally abusive households, that at least four of my closest friends have panic attacks on a regular basis because of their parents, and the whole world can only just laugh and shake their head and say 'ah teenagers am I right?' I'm sick of adults normalizing pain for an entire age group when they are the ones that cause it. I'm sick of my parents being the only negative thing in my life, and in other people's lives. I'm sick of being on lock and key for no reason and being afraid to say anything because they might jump down my throat. I'm sick of seeing my best friend cry and I'm sick of looking at her father. I'm sick of watching my parents kiss each other and then curse at me for walking the dog ten seconds later than they wanted. I'm sick of getting pages of text messages from people who feel so broken and alone that they have no one else to turn to. I'm sick of it.

I don't want your shadows or your secrets
I don't want just the light and the fluffy
just the good days, or late nights when I hold you
I don't just want your tears, or your happy moments
I want your all.
everything.
you and me.
forever.

I don't exactly know what to say,
so let me touch you and tell you
my tongue doesn't have to form words
to let you know how I feel. my hands don't
have to draw beautiful people to make you
burn inside- art is from person to subject to person, complex
*** is intimate because it doesn't cross any bridges
it blends into you without an intermediary
Humans make art, God made ***
and one of them is the perfection of the other-
a spinning whirling love that creates
tying people together, the greatest act of humankind,
and I'm playing with you like a puppet on strings
plucking and making music like some deep wooden
long-forgotten instrument, we dance
like pens or swords, each to each, love and war,
and together we're a masterpiece.

I have never been so happy.
and yet- I have never been so numb

some birds aren't meant to be caged

find another one 'cause she belongs to me-
one day, I'll be married, laying in bed
next to someone who loves me
and together we'll rule the world
I was made for better things, I realized that
it'll all be okay, one day it will work out
one day the sun will melt a field frozen over
and I won't have to shovel any more snow
I think I'm gonna win this time.

for a moment, the waters clear, and the mud
stops swirling, and the dust settles on the rocks
I can see up from the riverbed and no longer
what I see is just a reflection of you
when I look to my right, you aren't lying next to me
like I thought- the light is streaming through my
bleary eyes, a cold-water shock and I'm awake,
but still drowning.

not everything is about you
in fact, you'll find next to nothing is
now, isn't that liberating?

your sin is not weighed against the sins you prevented
because you cannot achieve a moral end through immoral means

I'm happiest when I'm with you