the stone and steel walls that I won't climb
can only take so much pressure
before they shatter

I can breathe for the first time

I'm so down
I'm still moving on yeah, yeah
and I'll write your name

going to bed will make the morning come faster
but it sure won't make this any easier

to sleep, you must be whole, I think
to not sleep means pieces of you
are drifting far, in chances you didn't take
and in people you should have told things
and in hearts you left behind- you cannot
bring these pieces together until the business is finished
until the ghost is together with his body
he cannot depart this world- and so it is with sleep.

for a second I remembered who I was

we were stars up in the sunlit sky
that no one else could see
neither of us thought to ever ask why
it wasn't meant to be
maybe we were way too high
to ever understand
maybe we were victims of all
of all the foolish plans
we began to devise-
but this ain't goodbye-
this is just where love goes
when words ain't warm enough
to keep away the cold
this ain't goodbye-
ir's not where our story ends
but I know you can't be mine.
Not the way you've always been.
As long as we've got time
this ain't goodbye.

I can't promise the world
or that you'll never be lonely
but I can promise that to you,
whoever you will be- when, one day
you're mine- I will love you
until the sky breaks over us
and the stars come crashing down
I will love you until you can't take it anymore
I will love you until there's nowhere
no place, in the whole world,
we'd rather be than with each other-
I will love you as if my life depended on it
and I will love you as if I would die for you
because I would- because I will love you eternally-
I am yours, and you are mine.

why am I like this

I never wanted to be different
I just wanted to be *special

"You will never be what you were supposed to."

you're doing what I'm doing, I think
we've always been too similar

bones get stronger each time they break.
It makes sense that people do, too.

is it real security if you have no rights?
what is your body worth if your soul cannot fly?
if you have the whole world but forfeit your life...

what would you call 'art'
and when do you propose it stops?

what an optical illusion, the human soul
percieving emotions and situations
like a retina- but why is it different for each?

yes, I do plan on ******* bulldozing through this life
I am no Hazel Grace
I do not mind that the marks I leave are often scars
because scars, I think, can be beautiful
and I have never wanted to leave this world unmarked.

at what point am I asking for it?

Are thoughts so dangerous that when they are shot into the world
they wreck lives and destroy friendships?
Are ideas so powerful that when given hold and worth
they can arm and flatten nations?

Out of my window looking through the night,
I can see the barges' flickering light
starboards shining green and ports shining red
I can see the barges straight ahead.

Barges, how I'd like to go with you
how I'd like to sail the ocean blue.
Barges, have you treasures in your hold?
Do you fight with pirates brave and bold?

Out of my window, looking through the night
I can see the barges' flickering light.
Silently flows the river to the sea
and the barges too go silently.

I see the moon, the moon sees me
the moon sees the one that I long to see
so God bless the moon, and God bless me
and God bless the one that I love.

It seems to me that God above
created you for me to love
picked you out from all the rest
because He knew I loved you best

I see the moon, the moon sees me
the moon sees the one that I long to see
so God bless the moon, and God bless me
and God bless the one that I love.

I had a heart enough for two
until I gave it all to you.
So guard it well, as I have done
for you have two, and I have none.

I see the moon, the moon sees me
the moon sees the one that I long to see
so God bless the moon, and God bless me
and God bless the one that I love.

If I get to heaven before you do,
I'll carve your name on the golden stair.
Way up high, for all to see
just how much you mean to me.

but we can't always be perfect, because perfect to ourselves
could still hurt someone else.

I don't want less of you, I just don't want you in the way you want me to.

I'd like to be around someone who likes to think

power is the mountain- the breeze thinks the mountain is listening and has moved
or the rivers think, once they have departed, that the mountain is lonely
the sheep ridicule the mountain when the snow falls and the snow
thinks it has mastered the mountain when it kills the sheep
but the mountain is unchanged. It is always there. It always will be.

I've never known how to apologize
not even to myself- much less to God.

I can do it-
because I have no other option.

how does it feel to be completely ruled?

I could show you incredible things

how can someone who sculpted the mountains with his thumbs
and suspends the whole universe inside his mind
love me so desperately that he would die for me?

“Of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?”

greater than me, and less-
the softest bodied, hearted woman
you're more than I know of you, I guess
and less of a child than you say-
I forget about you sometimes
but you're exactly why I am the way I am
the only one who could make me cry, that night
and the closest nugget of gold in my soul
when I see God, I know He'll hug me, he might-
in the same way you do, all warm, and short, and old.

"I have wept for love of them, they turn away."

is there anything left unspoken?

war
the animal instincts of humanity
men
huge storms
demons
my own weaknesses
the idea no one actually likes me
approaching a group of people
ordering food at a restaurant
Sacred Heart
disappointing God
being misunderstood
dependence
mental and personal instability
yelling
nonreciprocation

the "thank you God" erupted from my being like a reflex
when I finally understood.

the one constant in your life is you.
I am the tectonic plates, shifting and burying and grinding
changing against myself with little cares for trees and bushes,
I do not mind that my earthquakes destroy sheep
I do not lose sleep over my sinkholes, nor does the
fresh breeze disturb my actions- you
might think your life changes when someone leaves
or someone dies, or someone new comes
and maybe yes, it does, but you are really far beyond the scope
of one meteorite, one blast of destruction or creation-
this is no apocalypse. The world is different, now, but not really-
it still exists, and it still is called by the same name-
no matter what physical shifts occur, it's made of the same mass
of **** and dirt and rock and pure lava tossing in the celestial laundry.
What do you find there?
You are more unchangeable than you know
and yet, once you are changing- there is no stopping
the earth from folding in on itself and unearthing your new truth.

silly people with their silly lives,
who don't realize how big their future is-
my God, it's almost like I'm one of them.

nope.

why do I feel like an object
everyone is staring at
who only interacts, never listens
to the voices of her critics
while they speak and analogize and draw conclusions
all I do is give more data, I am not in the circle of review
I am the experiment thereof, and for that I am bitter.

and there's the difference

there ain't nothing that I need-
I want the whole **** world to come dance with me.

crying when you're by yourself, 'cause of what they think
about you

Lie to me, I dare you- because then I'll know the truth.

oh, I get it- I do
maybe even better than me, you.

the queen doth protest too much, methinks

burn and rave at close of day- remember that?

The most valuable thing about you is your heart.
Do not neglect it.

deeper than I can swim, stronger than I can hold, worth more than dying for.

oh, don't worry, please
I know what I'm doing.