at this point it doesn't matter why

I hope it broke your heart but I know it didn't
and now I have to look up at my own stars
learn to stop pretending you ever cared
to stop pretending it all ends up fair, my heart
and your heart are not *******, we are
drifting, weightless, the waves broken
cresting over and sinking one but not the other
I'm a kid playing Risk and I'm stuck in Austrailia
and when I lose, I cry out for my mother
and so do you. But you can't win them all.
I miss loving you but I have to move on now
I have to get over it. It's been about a year since
whatever happened began to happen, but since
it ended there have been new and fresh wounds
repeatedly pouring salt into my bleeding heart
and I'm sorry I can't stop bleeding but no amount
of cauterization or pressure can staunch the flow
when I need to keep beating to keep me whole.
I'm sorry I still care and you don't. I'm sorry hearts don't break even.
I'm sorry if you ever read this because I don't want you to.
I just want to be able to keep breathing when I see you.
I'm doing fine, really. It just hurts sometimes.

'cause you let it go, now you're good to go.

I did not lie when I said I will feel the same in the end.

There are some people who weigh heavy on the workings of the world
shifting powers and stirring, pumping the flow of truth up and down and around
some people can't participate without altering, a mere footprint on the snow
causes an avalanche. Some people tread lightly, knowing any mark
they leave is a scar, but some people's souls carve scars into the world
with every breath and living motion. Some people leave gouges,
throwing their weight around and unknowingly setting
hearts on fire and sending minds into the cold, unknowingly
the center of a whirlwind, breathing hurricanes into existence.
I'm sorry I've changed so much. I'm sorry. I can't help it.

I will, if only for my own sanity.

and to think that you have called me through ages
through heartbeats, in quiet words, in sunny days
through thunderstorms and when I run and when I lay down to rest
you have called me in the arms of my mother,
in every broken heart and northern star, in my lost soul,
deep in my bones, in hard choices and older guides,
through every single person to whom I have ever spoken,
through dreams and long embraces, warm lights,
soft faces, you have called me through kisses
and forgotten moments, you have called me
when I didn't know I was forgiven, you have been with me
as I walked beside still waters, you have led me
through the valley of the shadow of death,
you have stolen my heart and restored my soul.
Thank you, Lord. I love you. Amen.