Winding rivers
I bathe in
Stirring
False narratives
Bleed the same
Slowly
Excavating my soul
Pulling levers hoping
One should open
Elevators up to the top floor
Eventually it all crashes down
Shiny diamonds
Barricading me in there awe
Rusty copper Pennie’s
That’s more like it
Thunder and lightning
I wanna see
My skies align
Rolling hills
No end insight
Breach of contract
You and I
Never truly aligned
Like fire and ice canceling
Each other out
Never a perfect match
Hyperventilating telepathic waves
The stewing ghosts
In my closet  
Wish they knew
Like I do
How I hurt like hell
Confusing illusions daylight
To my wallowing nights  
Desperately seeking
A muse too take the lid off
Some kind of
Joyfulness to put me in it’s vise grip  
An antidote for the agony
To go away for a while
The outer spaces
Of my mind or something like paradise
Oh how I long for them

i smile

    (like i’m fine)

        but

each word  
        each look  
              each silence  

          chips away

                and

     i sink,

                 slowly  
                        quietly  
                              invisibly

     until

       nothing.

         just
             me

               pretending
                  to be
                    okay.