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Lyle Jul 4
I have memorized a million things
about you, little one
like the way your pinkies
on both tiny, pudgy hands
are just the slightest bit crooked

the way you always brush your hair
messy, brown, and unruly
out of your face
so you can view the world
with those huge curious eyes

I have memorized the way you walk
each tiny little step
with your toes pointed slightly inwards
inside your favorite rain boots
with the tractors printed on them

the way you smile
that glowing, mischievous smile
with all your tiny white teeth
the smile that always reaches your eyes
because you don't know any other way to smile

I have memorized the way you say my name
my first and middle name, combines into one
when it slips off your tiny tongue
you say it with importance and need
I only love my name when it comes from you

the way you sleep
curled up tight into a ball
on your stomach
with all your legs and arms
tucked securely beneath your body

I have memorized every sign
that a nightmare is coming
so I can hold you tight
curled against my body
so you won't feel unloved

I have learned how to manage
your screaming, crying tantrums
how to say the right words to calm you
and the right tone to whisper that I love you
because I do

I love you, little one
from your smile to your eyes
your pinkies to your dreams
you are everything to me
and I know you best of all.
to my beautiful nephew. It's a long story, but I've basically raised him since he was a month old. He gives me hope.
  Jul 2 Lyle
South-by-Southwest
It's not the reflection in the mirror
it's the image we put into it
Lyle Jul 2
I'm sick of existing
i'm sick of feeling
I'm sick of not feeling
I'm sick of this life
I'm sick of my mind
I'm sick of bad nights
I'm sick of responsibility
I'm sick of everything
I'm sick
Lyle Jul 2
I failed you again
it's not the first time I've let someone down
it won't be the last
I can't even care about it properly
I'm too tired to feel
I wish there was more to say about it
I'm just tired of never being enough
of never being the person you deserve
I failed you again
and I can't even feel the pain
Lyle Jul 2
I don't feel anything
I feel that's better than feeling bad
I've learned to tune the feelings out
just wander around like an aimless zombie
doing as I'm told
saying what I'm supposed to
being what I should be
I don't feel anything anymore
I'm just numb
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