hey, little girl
you love to read and write
right?
well listen, little girl,
that will be the only thing that remains stable.
you'll put up your Barbies, pack away the dress-up clothes
take out your pink bows to never wear them again
hide the childish chapter books
you'll grow up; you'll realize
that your teen years will be spent fighting with your mom
So little girl, right now you must forgive her
Because listen, little girl,
you'll also hate your body and your mind
so you must learn to love them now, little girl
And, little girl, while we're on the topic
other girls seem prettier, yes
they will seem like they have it all together, yes they will
but, dear, darling little girl, they're as unglued as you
oh, little girl, you will run and chase the boys
and right now it's fun and games, but little girl
you must chase them for fun right now
before you realize they only want one thing, innocent little girl
you must enjoy the sweet friendships you have now, little girl
before they all become fake and filled with drama
Listen to my advice, little girl
I would know, trust me, I know
because I am no longer you, little girl
I wish I were you, little girl

weep, weep, my willow
let your tears fall, but never land like the branches
weep, weep, my willow
yet plant your roots strong and firm
weep, weep, my willow
look up at the sky through a kaleidoscope of green and life
weep, weep, my willow
but never lose sight of who you were meant to be
weep, weep, my willow
weep my willow weep

My mind tells me I deserve to bleed
That it’s okay that it hurts like hell
That it’s good that the blood won’t stop
Because the blood is mine
The blood is of the person who messed up in conversation
The blood is of the one who’s eyes are devastatingly like her father’s
Of the person who got to school 4 minutes late
And for the one who just sat there class while she knew that there was someone somewhere in pain
For the one who wasn’t there to help them

But my mind also asks me
If my blood is the same
as the three year old who’d play
with napkins and pens
Because creative and strange
Is far better
Than bored and average

My mind asks
If the skin that I tear open
Is the same skin
That the 7 year old’s tears poured down on
Because she was starting to understand
That her father’s behavior was not normal

And even though that ******* that is my head told me to my face
That I am unlovable
And that I deserve to bleed
It somehow had the nerve
To make me feel guilty for yet another thing

It told me I was hurting
the little girl who already
Was struggling

And it told me I was hurting
the grandma with grandkids on her lap
Of whom I’m threatening
Deprivation of snuggling

My mind said
That by doing that
I deserved to bleed and suffer even more

And as the pain starts
It asks me again
If it was just me that I’m hurting

my heart dropped
only for an iron fist to grip it in panic
it started racing hard
I got uncomfortable, wanted to leave
tried to avoid you
tried to be positive despite the anxiety
but my heart dropped
all because I saw you
you don't drive the black truck with the silver accents anymore
or I would have known you'd be there
you
winked
at
me
and my heart dropped

don't you have a mind like me?
tell me tell me
is your mind like mine?
overcrowded with overthinking
overrun with overstimulation
don't you have a mind like me?
tell me tell me
is your mind like mine?

If you could time travel
you would go back to when you were happy
wouldn't we all?
yet you should keep your eyes trained forward
good will come when the bad gets bored
tally
tally
tally marks of life
you are falling, trying to matter,
but you should know you are enough.
you may never forget...and in a way that's good
remember the pain so you may thrive from it later
remember the hurt so it builds you back stronger
tally
tally
tally marks of life
you say you'll just suffer in the unknown tonight
but that's not what you deserve
you deserve someone to love you
never leave you
and if they do then you come back fighting
one will love you until death do you part
they will stay forever, locked in between the midnight promises
tally
tally
tally marks of life
these marks aren't ugly, they're you
they're YOUR pain, drawn on for those who hurt you
and when they scar you'll know you survived
and you will, over and over again, I promise
listen to Taylor Swift
even if it doesn't sound the same after them
Make your own sound, with your own voice
one that sounds just right, just like you
tally
tally
tally marks of life
pain means progress
I feel it too
but you cannot let it consume you
use it to be stronger, use it to survive
but don't use it to punish yourself
instead reward yourself
you deserve love as much as the next
eat before bed
it's not as okay as you think to neglect yourself
push people away to see if they pull you closer
and if they don't then they are fake
the true will love you despite your efforts
tally
tally
tally marks of life
go to prom, I'm glad you had fun
that dress was made for someone like you
someone who owns her scars and her trauma and hurt
someone who deserves the best but thinks she deserves the worst
that dress was made to help you see
you don't have to tan and curl and starve
to be beautiful
own your skin because it is yours and no one gets to tell you
you're not beautiful because you don't match their standards
tally
tally
tally marks of life
let me tell you
there is something worth saving under the dust
of your world ending everyday
I know because I see it in your words,
and others do too.
forget April twenty first
it still matters but you already apologized
you're still bleeding but you are stronger then a day on the calendar
you are stronger
don't let yourself be pushed into a hole
put down the shovel and turn around
you don't have to dig it anymore
remember the little things
like the color purple and the weeping willows (are we the same person?)
Dexter Gordon and the saxophone
remember those all because they are you
tally
tally
tally marks of life

Those
Who have
the most to say

Usually
say the least