God and it hit me like a ton of bricks
Right in my face
As soon as I saw the missed call
He's gone
The call back lasted 30 seconds.
They're pulling out now
I managed to get a strangled
"it's okay, i understand, okay"
I could feel the wave coming
Within minutes of the end of the call
Uncontrollable sobs wrack my body
coming in waves upon wave
i shake and I cry
i an't breathe
i can't see
just gasps upon gasps
of hot wet tears
and all i can think of
is never again
I will never see him again
Sure we can talk visits
Sure we an talk over facebook
but even that will eventually fade
And I can't help but wonder
why the **** am I taking this so hard?
After everything he put me through
after everything he's done
why the **** am I curled up
Shaking
sweating
hot tears flooding out of my eyes
Gasping for breath
I've gone through this a million times with other people
I've gone over this moment in my head
And I always knew it would be forever
But the thought of Never
Takes my breath away

Just grab my hand my dear
Ignore all those warning signs
From those who don't know me
Like you do.
Just grab my hand my dear
I promise I'll always be here.
Ignore the pleas
And the concerns
Running through your mind
I promise I'm trustworthy
I promise I care.
Just grab my hand my dear
Never let it go
Never listen to them
Mistakes have clouded their judgement
They don't know me like you do.
Keep your eyes on me love
Hold onto my gaze
Ignore the judging glance
Of those you call your friends
Keep your eyes on me love
I'm the only who cares
Enough to let you live your life
Keep your eyes on me love
We can take over the world
Wrap your arms around me babe
Never let me go
Ignore the pull of those who claim to care
Wrap your arms around me babe
We'll take over the night
And conquer those who stand against us
Wrap your arms around me babe
I promise I'll never let you go
You can always call me home
There is a world out there
That wants to rip us apart
There are people out there
Who don't trust me
But they don't know me like you do
Tonight is the night
You won't be coming back to the place
You used to call home.
Forget about them that hold you back
Come with me.
You're the only one who knows me here.

If I could do it over
I wouldn't have written that letter
If I could do it over
I would have waited until you finally missed me
But, baby, this world is not a world of do-overs
And I'm not one to usually regret
But when I see your face
And it comes crashing down
I'd rather face the impossible
Than deal with all this heartache

When I wake up
I remember the dreams
I like to pretend in them
That you come back to me
Changed for the better
And yet still the one that I fell for
"The curse of imagination is picturing the world at it should be."
And you should be with me.

Write they tell me
Write and write and write and write
But what do I write?
I want real conversation
I want a certain conversation
I want him to just get the **** over here and talk to me
Like a real person.
Just talk to me.
Talk talk talk
But I don’t even want to talk
**** **** ****
I’m so stressed and ******* up about everything
I stopped eating regularly
And I just sit in my room and do nothing except watch TV and facebook and 9gag.
It’s kind of ridiculous
I KNOW better than this.
I want to sit at a piano for hours.
And I want the music to just flow from my fingers
I wish that music could be words.
I wish that I could communicate myself through a melody
Because words are so harsh and cold
And music is so warm and inviting.
I want I want I want
Life simplified.

conflicted