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Lydia Samantha Dec 2011
Nights nights nights
The soft vibration of my phone on my pillow
Wakes me from a fitful sleep.
This is not the first time
This is not the last time
Time time time
Seconds between each text
Stretch on like hours
Getting bits of faltered sleep
in between each one.
A sleepy smile stretches across my face
Each text sharing a small piece of life
Becoming less and less coherent
As time moves forward
So slow
So fast
Every night
Like clockwork
That soft vibration
The light of the screen


and he's texting me again.
Lydia Samantha Dec 2011
it's that moment
when it's so much longer than a moment
when seconds stretch into hours
hours into days
and all i can think about is this
one person.
Lydia Samantha Dec 2011
Life and Death live inside my head
Arguing, fighting between themselves
For my attention
It's an old battle
A hard battle
But one I've fought often
I plead with Life to give me help
I plead with Death to give me leave
Each word spoken by Life
Is deafeningly drowned out by Death's hoarse scream
The quiet whisper of Life reverberates throughout my skull
But what I hear
I can no longer understand
This ever present battle between Life and Death for someone so simple as me
All I want is silence
Freedom
Silence to listen to
Freedom to ask
And with each question comes only the answer
But Life abides by no such rules
And Death obeys no laws
So I live this wretched life with a battle in my head
Forced to strain at the voice of Life being overpowered by the force of Death
I wish Life simple
And Death
Nonexistent.
Lydia Samantha Nov 2011
For as long as I can remember
My daddy doesn't cry.
Ridiculous, I know,
But I never saw a tear leave his eyes.
When his son got sent away,
My daddy didn't cry.
When he lost his job
Again and Again and Again
My daddy didn't cry.
When his brother died
My daddy didn't cry.
When we found out my siblings had autism
My daddy didn't cry.
When his sister in law died,
My daddy didn't cry.
When his mom died 26 hours later,
My daddy didn't cry.
But when my father realized that he was slowing losing me
When I had failed to tell him how much I loved him
He sat in the car
Tears shining in his eyes
And he begged me
He begged me to give him a second chance.
And as a single tear streamed down his face
I couldn't help but tear up myself
At the thought of all the miscommunication
All the fights and all the misunderstandings
For the first time in forever
I actually felt loved by father,
That first time
I saw my daddy cry.
Lydia Samantha Nov 2011
As I lift the lid the smell permeates my nose.
Almost like dirt.
But not really.
I dig my fingers into the soft cool clay
It feels a little dry.
I run a little cold water over it and work it in my hands
Particles of light brown stick to my hands,
Slowly,
Turning white.
I begin to fashion a flower.
Not of any discernible name,
But clearly,
A flower.
I roll the center out
And slowly roll it back up.
I begin to fashion each individual petal
Carefully shaped
Carefully carefully
Placed
Each delicate petal arranged around the center
My fingers leave tiny fingerprints
Every petal
Every curve
I wish I could make something else.
I wish that I with a soft nudge I could create
Something
Anything
Anything except these stupid flowers
I want to create things
Not flowers.
Things.
Lydia Samantha Oct 2011
My boots click on the paved sidewalk
Sending jarring pain to my left temple.
With every step
The weight of the world bears down
In every drop of rain
Falling from the gray sky.
Yet, as my boots sink into the soft, wet mud,
I can't help but smile.
I bite my lip as the corners of my mouth try to reach my cheekbones.
The faint feel of small folded rectangle in my back pocket
Is at the forefront of my mind as I walk to the Chapel.
The cold rain harshly disseminates over the campus
And I feel myself shivering, but that folded square
Is emanating warmth throughout the recesses of my imagination.
This folded square given to me by a classmate,
With an impeccable smile.
He dropped it on the table in front of me, as the professor dismissed us.
'A Note of Encouragement' is printed in his
Neat script on the outside of the folded rectangle.
My imagination flies into overdrive at the contents.

I left before he could see the elation on my face.
Lydia Samantha Oct 2011
You're face is unfamiliar to me.
I can't remember your eyes
I can't remember your voice
or your laugh.
I only have to forget your smile
And it will be just like
You never existed.
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