In the shadows
is where I lie.
Watching the world
As it steadily passes me by
No one sees and no one hears
My agony filled cry
No one knows of my desperate need
The dominant need to die
I'm all alone
In this crowded room
The loneliness is a cliff
And I'm plummeting to my doom.
I wasn't always like this,
But like a flower that began to bloom
This darkness spread over me
And threatens to consume.
So for now, I'll keep hidden
In my comforting shadows
While I watch the world
With eyes that no one knows
Forever forgotten
Here alone,
With only my shadows.
-Lydia Gordon

I miss you.
I miss your hands being tangled between mine.
Your smile
Your hugs
Your kisses
I miss your voice
I miss when you sang to me
I miss when you teased me
I miss how intimate we used to be.
I miss our five hour long talks about what we liked and what we didn't.
I miss looking into your eyes and seeing how beautiful they are.
I miss making you smile.
I miss you when you would make me smile when I was in the darkest parts of my mind.
I miss hearing the "I love you" whispers when I was 'asleep' when you would stay the night.
I miss wrapping my arms around you so tightly, I felt like you'd break.
I was stupid for pushing you so far away, when all you were doing was trying to get in and help me.
I know you don't want me.
You don't want anyone.
I hope I can make you happy again, someday.
I still love you, no matter what you do.
You'll always have a place in my heart.
-L.G.

I am nowhere,
Not here,
Not there,
I exist as an object,
defined by my appearance,
My mask,
I drown in my sorrows,
I weep for my fears,
Rains of painful tears,
I am not here,
Nor there.
I am empty.
I am the living dead.
-Lydia Gordon

Here’s a scream
that I’ve kept hidden inside
drowned down with two aspirin
to sleep through the night.
Little waiting, little wishing,
little ***** me over
while we’re kissing.

The rain tapping it's fingers at my window,
Wondering if it could sing me to sleep.


Only, I wish that rain was you.

Your kisses
felt like spider bites
at the end,
injecting poison
to numb me
from inevitable
pain.