Your intentions are honorable, yet your actions are crimes

Your left hand offers promise that your right steals back blind

From our cross roads to my door step my trail of bread crumbs winds

But you will kick the dirt till they’re lost and with anger exclaim I’ve left you no tracks to find
 
You will cross your heart with recycled tears and exclaim it’s you to be blamed

Only after you’ve convinced yourself you’re just a victim of the game

The love you offer comes with a catch:
A promise to rise to the occasion! You secretly hope that I will join you in your pitty instead
 
And if I progress, it’s only to hurt you, you’re sure
Because you embrace the feel of misery, you beach yourself on it's shore

I call out your name, beckon you back
But unless I beach myself next to you, I’m a traitor at best
 
I’ve always hated Romeo and Juliet
I never told you that

I thought it rash and melodramatic
Two kids lacking responsibility and respect  

And I am afraid the reality has set
You are in fact still a Romeo, potion in hand, looking for your Juliet 

I am no Juliet.

Paul, he likes his lighters and his spoon
“Taste that kerosene.” he offers
‘Nah, I’m cool.’

There are people running naked in the street
This one girl, she slipped
Her blood becoming a perfect illustration of a fractal as it mixed with the rain water
Snaking through the leaves
Trickling to the gutter
On its way to the sea
Lucky blood
I wish it was me

I hold the syringe up to the light
Double checking I got it right
And I wonder, in this moment, what you would think of me?

“So then” Paul slides down the wall to the floor
Legs spread in a V, he winks at me
Like a drunken ******* offering more
“What’s your poison?”

‘******. But don’t get excited Paul, that’s not what I’m here for.’

I expose his skin, and let the needle sink in

“You used to be such a good girl. Goody goody.”
He laughs from his spot on the floor
“Goody; such a weird word. But that’s what you were.”

I recap the needle, carefully now

"What happened to you, Goody? What?” He twitches and slides down more

‘The hospital would be more suited for you, ya know.'
I pack up his insulin, store it back in the fridge.

‘Okay Paul. I’ll be back in the morning. Try not to OD again.’

“Goody Goody.” He laughs up at me from his spot on the floor.
“Goody Goody, that’s what you were.”

‘Here?’
“No, there.”
‘Oh. Well, how do you know?’
“I don’t. I just feel, and I feel pretty sure it goes there.”
‘Well, maybe. But what if it goes here? I feel like it’s more likely to go there.’
“Well ****, yeah, it could go here. Or there? I suppose.”
‘This can wait. Let’s go get a beer.’
“I love you”
‘Yeah.’

We met in the sunshine under the granite
I didn’t know you yet, but my heart did
I don’t know why

We would let our friendship grow
Where we biked to that bridge
Cold beer in hand
Swollen ankle submerged

Tissiack cried and we kissed
Slow it down, you said
I was ravenous
I don’t know why

A distant lightning storm
The smell of herb on your skin
I’d be leaving soon
Tissiack cried and we kissed

I’ve humored that habit
With each lightning storm since
Just to feel it again
I don’t know why

SSGT Sky
do you remember
sitting so close together
letting our skin brush the others
but never allowing our eyes to meet?

and I was just 14
but I knew exactly who you were to me
and you were almost 18
almost a marine

The callow acts of our youth
can cut deep
my heart always ruled the roost
governed by altruistic spontaneity
and with every blind leap
you were there, looking after me

SSGT Sky
do you remember the week I turned 18
you returned from overseas
remember the bed we made on the beach
your hands shook as they traveled the length of me

and we were just kids
though your innocence was stripped
I knew exactly who I was to you,
and I tried to replenish all of it

But the callow acts of youth
they cut deep

SSGT Sky
do you remember forgetting that we belonged together?
and how I thought I was jaded by those who came after?
until the night before you left
you showed me the pillow that you'd kept
and with my hair tie on your wrist
you kissed me like you'd never loved another

I was a lost 23
until I remembered exactly who you were to me
you were almost 27
a special ops marine

the callow acts of our youth
remedied
my heart always ruled the roost
governed by altruistic spontaneity
and with every blind leap
you were there looking after me

SSGT Sky
our fallen marine
did you still wear my hair tie on your wrist
when you remembered your last memory?
and of your last thoughts
did you take comfort in any of me?

The callow acts of our youth
can cut deep
my heart always ruled the roost
governed by altruistic spontaneity
and with every blind leap
you will remain
looking after me.

It’s a granite bench that I frequent
Your name carved in stone; eternal
It’s the ink over my ribs.
A barrier to protect our vulnerable hearts
You used to tease me for my love of symbolism
How could we have known?

I’ve been reading up on Dickenson
I’ve been keeping my room a mess
I’ve been seeing you in my dreams

I talk with you there, but I still can’t talk with you here

On this granite bench that I frequent
I kiss your name in stone; eternally it lingers for you there
The next time I return, it remains, unclaimed and cold

What was protecting your heart?
Was it that through which the bullets tore?
Two to the chest, that’s all I’ve been told.
No CPR preformed.
****** up thought, I know.

I cut my bangs after your funeral
It was a poor choice
As we both could have predicted.
You would have laughed and kissed me all the more.
They’ve grown out now

During the time it took for them to grow, I hated the sunset
How could something so beautiful exist in the same world that kicked you out so soon?
How could I find peace in that?

And, I was ****** the moment that it did
It’s not a habit that I frequent
But none the less, that night I did
How could I have known?
A symphony of blinds clacking in the wind,
A leaky air mattress’s hiss, crickets that sounded ******
And I couldn’t move
So I just listened, and composed, and
All the while you bled, your heart stopped
Your last breath

I just laid there, ******, arms spread wide, eyes fixed
Maybe like you, I suppose?
****** up thought I know.

So, I offer a kiss to your name, carved in stone
I leave it there
But I know
It will just grow cold
And my ink itches me, over my ribs, over my heart

It must be the cold