You looked at me like I was a god
A being filled with beauty and hope
But that is not love
That is admiration
And I can't kiss you at night knowing that
Even if what I feel is the purest of love
I know that you need someone that doesn't make you kneel and pray
But someone that will stand on equal ground
That will cry and laugh with you
And that isn't me

I hate my genes
Being in front of a grandmother that has forgotten her own name
And then watching my own father follow her footsteps
Seeing the days go by while they are stuck in the past
In a time where forks and spoons were nameless tools
My grandmother lost the ability to even speak
That was before she left us
She left us not with a smile but with a set of eyes that had glazed over
Eyes that couldn't see the future and couldn't remember why
And when she finally parted ways she did so in her sleep
Because that was all she did anymore
And now today I had to remind my father
That we could not go visit her
And that I was not my sister
And he laughed a pitiful laugh saying he knew
But that night I heard him crying from across the house
Because he knew that he'd end up a broken story
That his years of learning the worlds history was useless
And that he couldn't even remember his own
Or why he got up
And he had forgotten why he was crying
He had forgotten why
So he just fell asleep

I'm tired and I need help
Stress has made a noose and I am at the gallows
For dawn has lasted far too long
And my hands a weary from pulling myself up
You took the blade from me
And I can no longer even cut myself free
Perhaps the fleeting moments of flying will be worth it
But for once I want to see the sunset
I'm confused and scared
My hands are blistered
But for now I'm holding on.

I never thought much about the how the seasons change
It was a fact of life that seemed to float right past me
I never appreciated the change it could bring until I visited you
The place where your body rested under a stone name tag
Was colder then the spring air
So when I knelled to speak to you like I used to
I was shocked
Flowers had started to bud in the freshly dug soil
And it suddenly hit me that you were gone
Time wouldn't stop for you or I
And I had to start over
For the first time in years I wept like a child
I can no longer live in the shadows for I might wilt
So I'm sorry that I must go, I might never visit you again
But I need to find a place where I can bloom

When I sleep my body heavies
It sinks into the ground
It merges with the earth
And I become one with the sound
I become the words the tongue
When saying 'I Love You'
I become an importance that can't be replaced
My presence is irreplaceable and impossible to ignore

When I sleep my breath matches my heart rate
Slowing as I fall
So when it spikes again
And morning light rises
I morn the loss of my importance
The the need for me disappears
So my choices are minimal
I can either never sleep
Or never wake up

A simple blade
Treading the skin so carefully
That the blood only glistens at the top of the wound
A simple cut
That doesn't bring pain
But let's the blood pool below
Skin is fragile
Easily broken by both accidents and words