7:30pm - I am crying. Wars are raging. Demons are coming. My soul is dying.

8:30pm - Try to resist a knife that sits. Pick up the phone, just so alone. Try to resist the urge that pursists.

9:30pm - Urges pursist, I finally cave in. Marks on my skin, wage a war thats within. Spirits are fighting, demons are crying. A soul is dying. Tempers are rising.

10:30pm - My heart is breaking. My temper is flaring. My thoughts are rising. A God I'm denying. I'm lost, chained, and bound. I'm tired of fighting.

11:30pm - Alone in night, along in day. My friends seem to walk away. Still I am trying. Is there any reason to living?

12:30am - Sleeping comes naught to that who is crying. A God who has ceased caring. Is there any life worth giving?

1:30am - Trying to write to someone so dear, but words alas, won't come near. I cry out for help, hoping a God will hear. Hoping someone might just be there.

2:30am - I walk to the garage, a shotgun awaits. I pick up the tool, to send me to my death. I look for the bullets, none can I find. I go to the house, to look for a knife.

3:30am - I pick up a knife, to hold to my neck. I think back on the past nine years of my life. The rediculing, the name calling, the moving, the drinking, the hell that's broke loss must come to an end.
I think of a friend. Will she miss me, I wonder. I think to a dance that had not long past. A friend... I think naught, an older sister. I remember the song that she played for my ears.
I remember my mentor, the one who discovered. I remember her efforts to tell me they cared. I remembered her words that told me she would always be there.
I thought yet again to a friend who long past. I thought to her last words to my ear. "You're loved, don't forget it. Even if I'm not here."
I thought to years long past. When I layed in the grass, my brothers at hand. I told them I was running. His response, "No, don't go. I love you to much for that. I need you to pick on."

3:45am - I put down my knife. I go to my room. I continue to cry. I may not be happy, but my life I must live. My demons then flee, but my chains still bind me. An angel protects me, of this I am sure. To sleep I must drift, I'll wake in the morn.

There is something in a move that makes a heart shatter.
There is something in a heart that knows some goodbyes are forever.
There is something that sees the end of time.
There is something that hears a wail of tears.

But there is something in a heart that knows change is good.
There is something there that sees adventure in a move.
There is something there that knows memories will prosper.
There is something there that sees a future.

My wall broke at our warm embrace.
My eyes sparkled at your tender gaze.
My heart it pounded at the sound of your name.
My world seemed completely with you to tame it's wild mane.

But it was all a lie and a part of your frivolous game.
Your eyes turned cold as soon as you'd won.
My heart became angered when your name was mention.
My world soon shattered.
To death, I wanted to saunter.
My life was nothing, but unspeakable terror.

I should have known the moment you said you loved me.
I should have known the minute you came and betrayed me.
I thought I knew you - that proved wrong.
I thought I could love you - that proved false.
I thought our passion, was an ignited flame.

But no... You
Used me,
Betrayed me,
Scared me,
Broke me.

But worst of all, you left me with shattered pieces.

I will not back down from the revolution that WILL be break loose in this generation.
I will not let a single soul be left without a spark of ignition.
I will not let the people of this world die off without a hint of recognition towards salvation.

He will break the chains of the people who have been bound.
He will let loose a furry  on every soul that has not been found.

He has risen.
He is coming.
He is saving.
He is redeeming.

He is the bridge that will let us pass.
He is everything that has been in the past.
He is the Father, Son, the Holy one.

**He is the hope of the world to come.

When you look in her eyes, what do you see?
When I look into her eyes, I'll tell you what I see -
I see constant pain staring at me.
I don't see joy, and I don't see glee.
I see tears beginning to shed in front of me.

I close my eyes.
I try not to cry for the ones I once held dear.
I close my eyes to say goodbye, for I know the end is near.
I try not to cry as I remember the times we laughed and cried.
I close my eyes and try to imagine our farewell is not here.

The sun seems to have finally set, and the darkness has come to settle a debt.
A piece of my soul has been cast away, and the devil inside me cannot be kept at bay.
The scars, they bear heavy while my friends are all cheery,

Death begins to talk, it even seems to taunt.
My mind begins to sway, and I think I'm going crazed.
My heart seems so empty, I force myself to be lonely.

Home - A place of rest.
A place of faith.
A place where my family once lived.
A place of dance.
A place of song.
A place where we all sing along.
A place music is written for an instrument not itself.

However, once a place where these joys resided, now wakes only death and sorrow.

A place of enemies.
A place of crying

A place of argueing.
A place where the song written is written to hurt.

A place in which my soul has died.
A place in which I can't reside.

A place in which my anger dwells.
A place that is a living hell.

She is alone
She is sad
She is hopeless
She is depressed
She is cutting
She is suicidal
She is ignored
She is lost
She isn't understood

She screams and shouts
Yet, no words will come out

She is tired of fighting
She is tired of breathing

And worst of all that she is me

I wait... in silence... for answers.
Dawn approaches and my quest is yet to be fulfilled.
I know that my tormenters will continue to pursue me until I have found what I am in search of.
Yet, I know that,  if I find it, it may not be what I came to find.
Yet, my tormentors still come, so I still search.

Noon has approached and past.
Still my tormentor comes.
I still cannot find the remedy I need.
My tormentors grab at my heart and mind.
They provide me with a pain so unbearable.
I feel the world closing in. UGH! How I wish to die!

The sun sets as it always does.
Still I have not found what I came for.
My tormentors still torment.
The pain still consists and has grown.

Night becomes inevitable.
I wonder if I shall ever find what I am looking for.
Perhaps not. Perhaps I shall.
Day after day I shall wake a repeat.
I shall not let me search come to an end without the answers I seek.

You left me
                B           U          S           D
                      R            I           E
but I later found words of LOVE

You left me
                                    s
                          ­                   C      a
                                                        ­      R    e
                                                    ­                       D
but I later found someone to stitch


You left me
               Br
                      ok
                                en
but I found something that healed


You left me
                    U s E D
but I found that one person's junk is someone else's treasure

You left me
                  LO
                  ST
but I still found a way.

The pain you see is unbearable.
Day after day you take up the knife.
Day after day you wait and pray.
You wait for a hero, but still no one comes.
At school you are ridiculed.
At home you feel the world weighing in.  
Your little sister nags just as much as your parents.
Bullied, friendless, and alone in the world.
You decide it's time to die a cold hard death.
You write a note, and slowly take the pills.
Time for dinner, your sister enters.
She leaves, your parents come.
They cry, they scream.

Two years later - The bully blamed himself, so, death already set in.
Your best friend, has no friends.
Your parents divorced due to arguments that set in.
Your sister is anorexic and dealing with depression.
Your teachers all moved because they didn't stop it.
The kids in school blame themselves, some even had the nerve to drop out.
Your grandparent's blame your parents and never come to visit.

When you look around what do you see?
Do you see hope? Do you see love? Do you see pain? Do you see glee?

When I look around, I'll tell you what I see.
I see hell breaking loose around every turn.
I see love breaking hearts. I see people loving to much - loving to the worlds end.
And no glee do I dare see.

I see a world to afraid to break loose from it's chains.
I see a world of hate, to afraid to stand up for what is right.
I see a world that is blind. A world that cannot see the truth even if it is put blankly in front of them

However, inside the heart of just a few look and see; just try to see if you can see what I see.
I see a passion unlike any other.
I see a love like any other.
I see hope sparkling in their eyes.
I see knowledge beyond there years.
I see leadership and revival in their mists.
I see chains being broken.
I see worship.
I see a song.
I see a dance.
I see what they try to see.

It is those such as these that bring the world full of hell hope, and life.

I sit in my room, staring at the wall.

Alone I sit and watch my blank wall.

Alone in the night - alone in the day

My best friend has slowly wandered away.

She says she is still there, but no conversation can we hold.

Alone..

Quarter after ten; a storms a brewing, but not out side. A storm that festers in my head.

I wait for my reply, but still no one is there.

I feel ignored, I feel no hope.

I text a friend whom talks of food, but still it does not fill the emptiness inside.

I try to write a poem, but no words come to mind.

Alone.. still no reply, so I sit and wait. Hoping that someday a friend may come by.

"Worthless... Worthless... Worthless,"* echoes through my ears.
"Not again... Not again... Not again," I voice for none to hear.

You write and write, but no one sees what you beg for them to see, but you still won't voice allowed.
The fake smile you bare weighs heavy.

Is no one there?

"Someone help! Someone be there! Someone care! Someone just be there," I shout, but still, no one hears.

I cut, to give me control, and in hopes that someone will see. I'm begging for someone to take a cherish me.

My past still haunts, my story still stands. Someone, anyone, please be there.

I kick, I scream, I yell, I pound yet still no one takes notice of me. My soul is slowly fading.

"You *****," I scream, not meaning what I said, just wanting someone to notice me.

The pain I feel becomes unbearable. The reprimanding becomes unexplainable. Please, someone be there and care.

For once in my life, I stand alone. I know that no one hears my cries that I long for them to hear. They don't understand why I suffer so. I'm just begging them to still be there.

I watch as people I love slowly loose grip in my heart. I may be alive, but my soul has already died.

**Someone, anyone, just be there!

Words left unspoken
Pain left unbearable
Time that's irretrievable
A life that's unlivable

Where words were left unspoken, time continuously creped away becoming yet a memory.
The pain makes life unlivable.
The knife that cut her skin left scars - still a constant reminder of the pain unbearable.

I have withheld secrets unbearable.
Not daring to whisper them into the darkness for fear that someone my hear
For years, I have let my cries drift out at night, but praying not a soul may come close enough to hear

I have fought a battle not everyone has
I have left the fight untrusting and never seeking out a mortal soul
I shut down without warning

I always cry, but never on the outside
I may appear to be happy and cherry, but I'm dying a slow painful death
I may be alive, but I'm barely breathing

It cut like a sword wedging itself within my soul
It caused me to flee to the darkness of my own mind
It took me for granted, used, and scared me for life
It causes the pictures to reply over and over in my mind

The scars it embedded upon my heart shall forever take their place

It is the one who is responsible for me being so untrusting, unworthy, unseeing
It is the reason I cannot come out of hiding

I fear that someone will see the scars
I fear that someone will see the pain I've locked away
I fear that someone will see me for who I am and the past that haunts me

When can I stop running from this unforeseen terror that continues towering over my flesh?

You do not see the
            B                      r
                                                     O          K
                               E                        N
                                                                ­    E               s                     S
She has succumbed to.

You do not see how    
                   A    b
                               a   n
                                         d o
                                                  n e d
she has become.

You barely know her yet you can tell that the smile she plasters on is

                     F          A
                                                K   ­         E


Her life has slowly become a sea of

D                     I
            S                        a                S         ­       
                              t                 e                    R           S

You have not seen
You have not seen where I've walked
Nor where I am going
You have not seen what plagues me
Nor why my tears have fallen

You have not heard
You have not heard my story
Nor my cries of sorrow that bellow in the night

You do not understand
You do not understand why I fear to trust
Nor the memories of which I try to escape
You do not understand why I hide in shame
Nor the darkness of my own mind

You have not been asked to walk where I've walked
Nor stand, if even for a moment, where I have been forced to stand firm
You have not been asked to stand in the darkness I've with held
Nor have you been asked to hear the dreadful cries in the night

You have not been asked to look into the dark where you never thought you would ever walk
You have not been asked to understand

So there -
Do not judge me unless you have judged you
Do not tell me my wrong doings until you have found your own
Do not judge me until you have walked a mile or two in my own shoes
I am not saying you own life has not been a struggle
I am saying that you can't judge me until you have judged you

Two girls, like magnets, forever pulling – pulling – pulling
Two girls, like magnets, forever slamming – slamming – slamming
Two girls, forever dancing, but forever dancing to a different song
Two girls, forever singing, but forever singing a different song
Two girls, always loving, but never trusting
Two girls, quick to fighting and slow to apologizing
Two girls, always fighting – fighting – fighting

Two girls, insecure and never trusting
Two girls, never knowing their strengths
Two girls never knowing where they stand
Two girls, who will never stop loving
Two girls, who will never stop dancing
However, two girls, still fighting – fighting – fighting
Two girls, still forgiving – forgiving – forgiving

Two girls, forever tapping
Two girls, forever singing
Two girls, but one never laughing
Two girls, still loving
Yet, two girls, still fighting – fighting – fighting

One girl, cannot fight anymore
One girl, emotionally spent to one end
One girl, not knowing who she is
One girl, not knowing where she stands
One girl, with pain unbearable
One girl, who continues loosing – losing – losing

One girl, tries to hold on until her grip begins failing
One girl, says goodbye for the last time
One girl, forever mourning the loss of a friend
One girl, never to ask, “do you want to skip to the tree,” again
However, still, both girls remain loving the other, even though their lives may never combine again