I want to tell you that your beautiful,
inside and out.
but I think lately I've come to the realization,
that the only beauty I care about,
comes from within.

Now my voice may not be the loudest,
and I really hope that it is not drowned out,
because I want to tell you that
being judged for something you are born with
is a disadvantage for us at all

Also, please stop telling me that "I know beauty doesn't matter.".
Because, if it didn't matter then why to advertisers make millions every year selling women makeup.
Why does society try to sell me this illusion of the perfect woman?

If our country focused less on our apperance then there would be a lot less self-hatred
and much higher self-esteem
and so much less eating disorders

So I want to start a resolution,
no more telling someone their beautiful,
just based on appearance.
If I want to tell someone they are beautiful,
only it's because I know that their actions,
and decisions, and personality,
are really truly beautiful.
So I wanted to start with you.

I want to feel happy
I want to feel love
I want to wake up in the morning and not wish for a different life
I want to wake up in the morning and appreciate the brightness of the sun without looking for shadows
I want to feel whole
To feel loved with no doubt
With no shields of fear or disappointment
I want to trust
To give my heart to someone
To accept theirs in return
I fear the man I love will hurt me
I fear that I will hurt him
I'm afraid losing myself in someone who will only give me tears and pain in return
I want to love someone with no fear, no doubt with no pride
I want to love someone
And to know that someone loves me back

i blame a lot.
i blame myself
i blame the people around me
i blame the people that left me
i blame this town
i blame my family
i blame
i blame
i blame.

but what if no one is to blame.
what if this actually is just some freak of nature
and this is just how the universe plays out
a sick dance of broken family trees
a pageant frilled up
for all the soul ******* humans
to see
and partake
maybe i was meant to be awake
maybe sleep isn't for me
for a reason
maybe i'm supposed to be the alive one
maybe dying makes you breathe
maybe i'm just not seeing
what i'm supposed to see
maybe everything is backwards
like my sister's overalls
at her backwards birthday party
when we were
three
maybe
maybe
maybe...

maybe destruction is actually


d       e             s              t             i      n         y

"oh dear
you've made yourself
all upset
you silly thing"
They say.
"don't you know
he wasn't drowning
that wasn't even
your little brother
the kid was
just messing around"
They say.
"you can breathe
just fine"
They say.

i wonder
if They know
how many times
i have seen my little brothers and sisters drowning
or falling
or crying out
for help
in a grocery cart
my mother is pushing
all crammed in
while i sleep

...well...
i guess i'll wonder
when i can
breathe again
hello,
little white pill
make me
feel
better.