a summer haze ago
let my self reminisce
to our first conversations
the first time we kissed

funny how now
i don't even exist  

maybe never should have
but we couldn't resist

now thats all you do
vanished to mist

no longer are you even
the person i've missed

irrelevant anniversaries
of romanticized bliss

i love you rests at the tip of my tongue
at the edge of my lips

but something holds me back
as your hands rest on mine

catch my self falling
i fall and i slip

watching you drive
feeling the energy that makes us alive

what keeps me quiet?
fear rests her finger
softly on my lips
silence.

i scream the words in my head

just over your shoulder she shakes her head
fingers around my throat
close my eyes let the thought float
away

no i don't

my straight edges gone blurry
careless?
or releasing all my worry?

learning to just be
i've always been in such a hurry
to get up, get out
be doing it all
all the time
and on time
on a mythical time scale
of an imaginary future
and when it all falls apart
cling to the pieces you suture

into some semblance of a dream
but the fragments aren't the same
and you realize the same pieces can't
be put together again
now start all over again

i lay in bed
as the sun crosses the sky
behind blankets of colorless clouds
nest of blankets and pillows
mock human touch

my diploma mocks me
from across the room
loose paper

i'm so sad i can;t leave my bed
maybe i'll go somewhere else instead
or i could just be dead

this isnt't poetry
it's redundancy

spiraling through the same idiocy
to make the best of mediocrity
unable to accept reality
if i could only get high enough to see
to understand where i need to be
which is probably here
where i'm drowning
losing sight of everything around me

flooded with torrential memories
stories, faces, places, all i see
a long time ago i once felt free
never expected this is where i'd be
this is who i'd be
staring at a wall of frozen memories

my heart flutters
when you bite my lip

just the high i need
to survive the next flip

before i realize again

i'm an invisible passenger
along for your trip

you say i love you
but you love me less
than the gun on your hip

my lips are turning blue
oh, i miss genuine kisses from you
the warmth faded
you think you're alone
but i'm just as jaded
love is overrated
its all dumb
i mumble to my self
as my lips go numb