The Fat Fly keeps my attention.
He is not so needy
and needs more time to rest.
I once cuddled with a Fat Fly
and awaited upon his death.
Large enough to see
yet small enough to ignore
I knew him,
I knew his name
and his breath.
His eyes so plenty,
and wings so free
I needed him that morning,
like I hoped he needed me.
His life still slivers
and buzz not buzz
countless thoughts through sheet faces
a life, there never was.
So child was my answer,
in knowing he had came..

Though a fly is just a fly,
I would see him many times..

Over and over again.

I once drew a rose,
on the back of my skin.
It was etched deep in red,
I was waiting for him.
I watched my rose part,
from the seams of my mind.
And what ended up was the end-
my goodbye.

I do not take ecstasy
for fear of reaching it.
My body, floating,
like a luminated piece.
A cloudless place,
without fear nor thought.
This is so dangerous,
especially for a space
like me.
Where my suffering is at constant.
It is all i know.
Please,
dont take it away.

Shifting like a coward back then forth,
I watched my lover vacant.  
His eyes looked at me as if there where nothing else in the whole world.
There was.
So I told him:

“I do not love you any more.” I said, so confident and proud.

“I swear to god you will not see me in heaven
and I'll find my own heaven somehow.

I value my beer
and my places and dreams
and perhaps some new lovers for now.
And though it may hurt
you cannot calm my screams
and that matters
it ******* matters
you failed!!"

He looked down as if I had just ripped something out of him,
I did.
I loved it so much
and cried like a baby all night
wishing I had him to hold on to.

His jewel was wrapped around my neck like a noose.
I tugged on it to see if he would notice.
He didn’t.
And in that moment I tugged so hard that it broke.
I threw what was left at him.
Broken gems hit the scattered floor.
They where gone.
We where.

I revved my engine and hoped for hell that he would take me back!
He didn’t.
And those eyes like eyeballs rest comfortably upon his ugly cheeks.
His face all torn up by liquid and hate.  
Then he kissed me so sweetly even I felt like the devil.

I was.

And I knew just then that I would never forget that moment.

I can not tell you
when my life became imaginary.
It must have been long ago,
that day I forgot about the Sun.
The walls were closing in tight!
They where all I could think about.
Ever since I have been punished
upon its arrival.

Night and Day.

My white prince sits on that empowering doorstep!
I'm blowing out smoke!
I’m yelling at trees!
On my hands and knees
digging because we are all itchy!
For if I dig long enough I will make it through ground.

"And through is where I am suppose to be."

Singing the most beautiful song you will ever here.
Slopping up soup and forgetting what time it is.
Rolling on the ground again, I am still itchy..

My mother and father and sister who would all forget me!
No they cannot forget me they are imaginary too!
Crying very loudly,
No, I am just laughing.
And then calmness when my prince kicks in,
finally..

Blankness, serenity.

Waking up to see Sunshine.
Is it Summer already?
If I feel long enough he can bring me through winter too.
If I lie long enough…
I,
Oh, God just let me through!

I rest again and wake to see no more Sunshine.
.
.