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I never knew this before.
But, there is a time in our life,
When we realize just how horrendous it is,
To be human.
We realize that , that one person
Who said they would never hurt you.
You believed it,
In fact you knew it.
And a first crack hits,
You see just how painstakingly selfish this place is.
You feel the crush in your chest and the years in your eyes.
At some point during all this,
There's the ones that are still there.
The ones that hold you up
Make you feel as if you are strong enough.
You again with your trust,
Have your guard down.
A best friend will not hurt you.
They turn away as well.
And, when that happens.
You realize that you will never again trust another humans feelings.
If the only people in the world.
That were thought to be your allies
Left you with huge scars.
Then the world is a much,
Much darker place than ever imagined.
That while these feelings of self hate,
And complete lack of confidence on your ability to be loved.
Respected, adored, honoured.
Thats when the thoughts come out,
All those feelings, they are what set you apart at times.
They are what sets you apart.
You look at yourself and you realize
Just how much you would have done.
What you never would have,
How you could never have thought or done
The pain that was given to you.
The world it seems is a much colder darker place
Than first assumed.
You have changed, you will never hold a relationship
With the same absolution ever again.
Spouses, family and friends,
Are not what you thought.
Good and bad,
This world will lift you up,
To pull you down.
To watch you fall.
Break and change.
When you get up and walk you'll smile again.
The world will be cold, dark
People will destroy you
But if anyone keep faith in yourself
When the world is heartless and cold,
Try to remember to feel your heartbeat,
And love the innocent souls you created
And hope they never ever feel like you do.
Hope the sun stays out
The dark clouds that encompass you,
Stay with you instead.
It's in the heart of the grape
where that smile lies.
It's in the good-bye-bow in the hair
where that smile lies.
It's in the clerical collar of the dress
where that smile lies.
What smile?
The smile of my seventh year,
caught here in the painted photograph.

It's peeling now, age has got it,
a kind of cancer of the background
and also in the assorted features.
It's like a rotten flag
or a vegetable from the refrigerator,
pocked with mold.
I am aging without sound,
into darkness, darkness.

Anne,
who are you?

I open the vein
and my blood rings like roller skates.
I open the mouth
and my teeth are an angry army.
I open the eyes
and they go sick like dogs
with what they have seen.
I open the hair
and it falls apart like dust *****.
I open the dress
and I see a child bent on a toilet seat.
I crouch there, sitting dumbly
pushing the enemas out like ice cream,
letting the whole brown world
turn into sweets.

Anne,
who are you?

Merely a kid keeping alive.
"You came," her voice floated in the white
"Of course I came," I knew she was behind me
But I couldn't turn, only feel her hair touching my back
"It's a good sign." Her voice was a million echoing silver bells
"I guess I've started to realize..."
Her fingertips brushed my palm, light as wind.
"I have realized that it wasn't my fault"
"I told you it was a good sign"
In the corner of my eye, I saw strands of her hair, fluttering
"I miss you." I wanted see her, see her smile, white teeth and dimple
"I miss you too," her silver bell voice rung out sadly
"I can never forgive myself," my voice shook, my eyes burned
"Don't say that, it's not true"
Flowers underneath us were red, yellow and sky blue
"I should have been there, I should have always been with you"
My every atom ached for her, to turn and see her
I could remember the smell of waking up beside her
Starting my day with a wonder by my side
"Forgive yourself please, for me"
A flower was slipped into my hand, it was yellow
I turned and I saw her, she wore the garb of an angel
She smiled before she disappeared
Leaving me crying in the red, yellow and sky blue.

— The End —