I have been sedated
For months 
Since that moment 
You ruined my trust 

I have been without 
Feeling or emotion 
Concerning this person, you
But now the sensations 
Are coming back, they are sporadic
I believe I cannot cope

I do not want to go back into my memories 
I do not want to think of all the good times 

I do not want to think about your warmth
And how you held me tight
Drove far so that you could see me
Just about every night 

I can remember easily 
The burden that your misgivings 
Were on me
The stress that I held up
The efforts that I wasted 

For nothing but a little loving
That according to you, 
I never returned

Went to the grocery store 
Tonight
Thought of you 
Thought I might
Want to talk to you

All because I saw a man
Who had a hair cut like yours
A build like yours 

Made hot cocoa 
Tonight 

Remembered the times 
I made it for you

Mushy marshmallows
And your arms
To keep me warm

The good times
The weather 
Makes me dwell on

Typically you were a ***** 

Mostly I was angry 
Pretty lame
I'd say 

For me to think of you today. 

Sept. 18. 2011

This bat
Might do the trick?
I'm thinking it,
Will be wise
That I
Buy,
A wicked disguise
Keep it subtle

I won't be here to decorate
So there won't be scary masks
Just lots of praise
To congratulate
For my good display
Of bones
How easy they are to break
Hearts,
How easy they are to smash
Brains,
How easy they are to mold
Figures,
How easy they are to frame

Perhaps the next weapon
Of choice could be,
A bullet
To harm the mind
Of all people

Explode the suffering
We try to gasp ahold of

Afterwards all people
May be free
To decompose
With no woes

Let me sit here
Alone
With my pen

Let me become
Consumed in my thoughts
So much so that
I don't here the "hello"
From the friendly fellow
Bicycling on the trail behind me

Let me boil in rage
Grasping onto anything
Trying to let it all seep out slowly
I'll manage
If you just let me

Let me lose my reality
So I can become anew
Empty slate
Free to coagulate
Become thick with hate

I can be blunt
And distasteful 
In your face
Like a disease

I can be sick
And morbid
Blood pooling 
Into a puddle
At my feet

I can be cheery
And bashful
With sunshine
Coming out my ears

I can be all 
That you need
If only you could see

The scariest photos
Are the ones
Of you and I
Before you became insane 
Rather before I knew it
Witnessed it
And felt it

Looking at them
Gives me shivers down my spine
Like a chill in the air
Causing my muscles to quiver 
As normal people feel
When faced by demons
I feel it only after 
The flame has gone out

I hope it is still there
The spark in the air
The magnetic field surrounding us 

I hope it is still there
The butterflies causing my heart to flutter
The stutter 
I have to withhold 
When you are near

The gazes into your eyes
Before our lips meet 
Again and again
Making it hard for me to breathe

I hope it is still there
In a month's time
When you can be all mine