you have never lived until you
trust fall into the earth
engulfed by the mother
she cradles you
soaks up your tears with her dirt
a breeze hugs your neck
kisses off the sweat

I forget there's something
so loving

why do we act like children
who don't know how to
use their words
upset at everything
around them

I need something so much bigger
a tornado inside of a thunderstorm
I feel like I am dissipating
there's something calling my name
yet it's whispering

this bright light
consuming molecules of
what seem to make us up

contained in these fleshy
self operating watery bodies
skipping around each other
talking to ourselves
brain function a mystery

I do not command
my heart to beat like
the drums in your high
school band
it's function is self disciplined
i wish i had as much
control
as my digestive system
how it works constantly
never procrastinating

we are solar systems
whirling, beeping
stardust particles with feet
we dance across seas of earth
dirtying skins that
hold our organs in

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

you can only hold so much in
until your blood cells burst
from claustrophobic oxygen.

trials, tribulations and trauma
trials, tribulations
trials

high off coffee scents and cigarettes
i sat in the corner of the coffee shop

All the elders wore bracelets saying
Christ
but they forget
he's not an accessory

there's deeper meaning
to this son of God,
but I am merely a moth
trapped inside a rich man's
screened porch

Oh god how I cannot
manage my tears
They dance down the dark
circles of my eyes
Washing my cheeks
satisfied to be seen

the release is worth the tightened grip
but dear god how I thought
I could control all of this