I know not what to do or where to go,
But I know that peace is my prosperity,
Yes,
In the land of noise and attacks of loud invigorating people
I prefer quietness.
Without disturbance.
A land of thoughts quelling in my mind like a storm
About to ring wonderful ideas of brilliance that even I cannot prepare for.
And I wait...

19 years of boring days,
19 years of tears,
19 years of things drastically falling apart and never making any sense,
that is 19 years of trying to figure things out, like my body, and who the heck am I?
19 years of loving any guy who dare speak to me,
and 19 years of heartache figuring out that they didn't love me back,
19 years of dreaming and reading and wondering,
19 years of thinking, about everything really,
About God, and life, and why in the world am I here,
and 19 years of drawing,
19 years of human pain, like that time I had to get surgery for a broken leg,
Then there is a ton of mental and emotional pain, like heart break,
And other ****,
19 years of loving my family and friends for being there in my desperate times of despair,
And 19 years of not realizing that they were there the whole entire time,
19 years of trying to find my unrealistic and perfect Mr. Darcy,
which of course does not exist, well to my knowledge at least,
19 years of crushes on all the wrong guys,
And 19 years of never acknowledging the prime and proper ones who were gonna treat me right,
19 years of having to schoolwork, and now in college its more work then I have ever imagined,
And sometimes I just break down and cry because the stress of it all is depleting me of all my energy and time,
19 years of not knowing how to function around certain people, like at all sometimes,
And 19 years of having some of the greatest friends in the world to go out with on random nights to smoke hookah,
19 years of happy days,
And 19 years of having your heart ripped out of your chest and beaten on the side of the road until it can barely beat anymore,
19 years of having sucky days that make you want to jump off a cliff and **** yourself, or anybody at all really,
Like the first person you wake up in the morning and dares speak to you,
19 years of feeling tired, like every day,
19 years of eating delicious junk food, drinking water, laughing so hard I can't even breath, spilling coffee, talking so fast I forget what I am even saying and slipping up on everything.
19 years of foul plays and just really bad mistakes that you thought were gonna turn out good, but hit you really hard in the face,
So 19 birthdays to celebrate all these crazy and silly happenings that make me wanna go insane,
But I'm not so sure where I be without it all, without

Oh will you be mine?
Though I barely know you,
But those sparkling eyes have bewitched me,
Usually I'm more powerful but yet,
I cannot control that heart of mine who plays such tricks,
Is it love, or a twist of my unrealistic fairytale,
But still I want you,
With so much of me,
I dare not jinx it but can it be?
Suddenly?
Love?
No, for the folly of the mind wouldn't allow me to fall so easy,
You have to of course win me,
Yet I cannot help but wish,
For a first and final kiss,
The passion between us cannot be amiss,
But still, could cupid have stuck us both at once?
Maybe one day we finally be one?

I walk alone among my dead departed dreams,
They look like flowers broken among my trees.
How art thou, I asked them,
They reply anon.
Anon, dear flowers, anon,
For they breathe no more,
And I within them, fall, for where is the flows and fancies of this dear life,
Where is the air, where is thy sweet archaic glorious perfume?
Where art thou, Dear friends.
Dear, sweet heart pain, is now my closest companion,
How art thou? It asked, I replied, lost and confused,
Where life have you taken me

I cannot fathom what I be without you,
Whether you like me drinking coffee or not,  
But this year has been surreal.
I was not catered to like a child anymore,
Except by you.
Now they treat me like I'm some cranky grown up when I'm an infectious spirit of energy with life and love all bundled up inside.
All they ask from me is money, or work that I can't do,
But you asked for nothing,
I'm nothing but a simple child with the title of adult.
And I don't think I'll ever be really use to that term.
I've seen how horrible this world really is, and how fragile friendships are.
And for some reason you stayed,
Despite my fits and sadness.
And maybe that's just it,
maybe that's all I really need is one person,
Who just accepts my flaws and all,
Indefinitely

I like to think I got an angel with wings wrapped about me like a scarf.
It looks like a he, with bushy black hair and cold sapphire eyes,
He has a dark soul, but a good heart,
And he loves me,
Deeply cause I'm God's child, I'm property of God's
He's not gonna let anything hurt me,
And he's fun and shy. Sorta spunky. He has long lacy black wings, and arms as strong as oceans waves.
He's invisible of course though, but that's why I'm still alive, I got an angel watching out for me.

I,

awake,
Barely,
head hurting,
Knees bending,
And I cannot greet the day, just not yet,
Exhausted,
Looking for a cup of liquid black gold to heal my soul,
Maybe a good book to give me good thoughts and a sunshine to help me know I am alive.
Another day,
Of maybe more heartache,
But who knows,
Now I'm sitting and typing wondering,
If I'll ever be a somebody,

This old ***** embedded into my bone,
My tibia, infused together with metal,
How wonderfully painful you become during spurts of cold weather,
And I remember you like an old heartbreak. Like a mended break up,
And I broke you over 8 years ago.
So every time the weather rains or is colder
I fell it scream in my ankle
Just like when I sniff your old cologne,
Or hug someone with arms like yours,
I'm screaming inside,
Hoping one day you'll return and take away my arthritis that is developing in my bones but also in my heart.

I hate those anti-artists.
Those ones who draw to be artistic,
The ones who try but fail to be a Van Gogh or Picasso,
Those men didn't try,
They were a work of art themselves,
Art isn't a hobby,
It's a lifestyle,
It's a passion, and point of existence for some. It's reason and resolution
Not a play thing,
You can't just be an art major,
You have to strive to be it,
Full blood and sweat and tears pouring ones heart into it,
I hate those who think art is hard, too hard,
And I can't stand those people who take art because it's supposed to be fun or easy…
Easy?
You think Michelangelo enjoyed painting on his back for months from dawn to dusk,
You think its fun to be broke from art supply expenses?
You think its cool to see things differently from everyone else? Or to be so socially awkward it's difficult to function in crowds
Being a artist is an emotional journey of self discovery,
And those brushes and paints help us along the way,
Our creative minds are so busy and potent and powerful that if we didn't draw we burst from all the ideas gathering up,
We explode!
So art is not what we do to get attention,
Its what makes us feel important and worthy inside,
Whether we get notice or not
And if God willing we will...

I finally fell for a friend. Not a stranger or a crush,
Just someone I could easily let in,
To my messy heart and head,
But sadly it now won't be easy,
At least my stomach's not so queasy,
But dang now my heart is pumping pretty funny,
And I just like you for real,
Before I was abusing you,
But now I really feel like I might suddenly lose you,
And that's not cool,
So maybe we should back up,
Reverse,
Check out our damage and make sure we aren't too hurt,
But darling, I just want you and I to work,
Even if it's gonna be hard,
Just promise me we won't go too far,
And stop and start up again,
Making sure our engines can work
Like they should again

Hold me in your arms,
Kiss me till dawn,
With you I can do,
Life,
Cause the world likes to see me, without scars and wrinkled skin,
I'm the supposed perfect image,
But with you I'm tousled hair and pimples,
Bruises and pain,
I'm dripping in vain with agony and I cannot show any part of that,
Or else they won't love me, And I refuse to let them in,
But you
Oh you,
Accepted and explored and challenged me,
You gave me victory and I was lost before,
Not that you found me in my woods, but you gave me comfort.
And that's all I ever needed,
Was for someone to violently and selflessly think about me everyday

Being a girl is rough and often ***** life out of me, and to be told I need just be a cook is rather insulting whether a joke or not. I will take what you've said seriously cause it already means your bigotry leaped from the brain to your vocal chords which leaves me in silence. I know, matters not what you think but overall society has women in chains. Though we have freedoms we are not free from being hit on, picked up, and constantly berated for not being perfect. From society's view to the churches I'm not satisfied to hear such ignorant misconceptions, I'm not a housewife nor will I lower myself to strip down to my bare skin when I go outside in a bikini, I'm a woman making her own path with her own God trying to figure out who she was made to be, and you pointing at me is not helping, so I don't know how to cook or clean or really know how to do laundry, but I can write verses of about this perverse world and I can make friends and say what I think and know that I am so much more than my face, and that I deserve a man that respects my love of independence. So if at all you are offended just know that I'm entitled to my opinion that I can be so much more then a wife but still there is a lot of honor in that

my eye hurts,
and I opened a diet coke,
And I'm sitting here wondering what the **** is this all worth
Cause I'm so mentally drained and obliterated with work
I just wanna suffocate
It hurts,
All around and nothing really feels entirely good,
I'm missing home
And I'm hoping tomorrow is good. And people keep acting like I'm something great when I'm the exact opposite of that,
This misery is nothing at all good,

My computer is as messy as my mind, and is scattered with pretty pictures and blurbs of my brain I was not able to keep in.
I am wired, I am worried, I am always anxious.
And maybe cause I'm scared and worst off I'm puzzled at what's really going on inside.
I lost a friend. A good one, not to a permanent lost, but very much likely will not ever see her again.
And that hurts, like an unacknowledged bruise taking place with me completely unaware, hurting only when poking at the location of bright purple and murky blue.
I hurt for you and my sensitives nerves are all bursting and boiling and bubbled over with swollenness of being overused.
I wish I could put my heart away. I wish I could pretend I had no heart and that people would not sink there teeth into me so easily.

I wish there words wouldn't hurt and spoil me. You think by being old enough the wounds of second grade don't come back to haunt you.
For me, at least they are shadows of my past warning me every day.
It's hard to say words that don't mean anything, worst off it's harder to say words that mean everything.
I don't let others in, no I shrink from that violent force of overcoming with love, for what would I do with it.

Love only makes one lazy and fat with self content. An artist can never be happy with their rate of talent. They search and lurk for more, hoping to be better then they were the day before. That is how we right brained people think. We hurt cause we always have this little voice in our head saying we will and are never going to be good enough. That our talents are empty shots heading toward the sky, as we fall back to earth realizing we are mere mortals who cannot break the atmosphere.
And everything has changed, and nothing at all cannot stay the same. For I've seen seasons break and burst, and I tumble through them on vapid lisps of sleep that do not keep my body operating very effectively. As if hurting myself is really going to stop the change around me, that my resistance to the new will actually make it less apparent that it's all turning into something I now do not recognize. And it's hard when the change begins to become hard. I can accept change that makes me feel bubbles of happiness, but change that makes me feel lonely or sad or empty I cannot feel. Overall this summer has been the adventure that I never anticipated.
It's nice to be free. Not having to worry really about anyone else except yourself. That is being young, and my brother and sister are doing it all wrong. I cannot help but wish I could turn back their clocks and make it so they cannot grow up at all.

Boys, Boys, Boys,
Likable, lovable,or lonely,
Some are completely despicable,
You got those hard ***** who are too strong for love, or who will just lead ya on, making you think thoughts you shouldn't about them and
Making you want them more then you should,
Or you got those babies, the ones who refuse to actually grow some *****,
The ones who ask you to forgive them of their weaknesses,
Their shortcomings and their downfalls,
Like seriously?
I'm a girl, not a leaning post who you can depend upon,
Ok, maybe if I knew you more,
But still like, really?
The ones who refuse to make a move, like even afraid to touch you,
What? Do I have cooties or something,
Hold my hand, or hold me,
Come on!
Then you got those ones who don't even know how to communicate,
Or say something worth hearing,  
Please I've heard it all,
How cute and adorable I am,
The Goddess, a queen, labeling me to be one who I'm not,
I'm a human being, one of you!
Last time I checked I was a mortal, not some model of perfection,
But to be put on such a pedestal is simply too much.
So come on guys, get a grip and learn how to stand up for yourselves,
Don't pretend I'm something more then I'm not,
It aint going to work,
I want you as a friend, then a lover, but the crushes are constantly crushing my hopes and dreams of finding that one prince charming

I want to meet you already,
I want your arms around my ribcage, holding me so close at night,
I want to know that you are at least around to make me alright.
I want that face to set me free, and
still allow me to do whatever I please,
I want someone around willing to take care of me,
Is that strange or selfish or just plain stupid?
Or am I just a silly 18 year wondering when her dream will finally come true.
I looked around already and I cannot find you,
Where the hell are you hiding,
Come already find me,
Ignite in within some untamable passion and roaring flames and spark electricity,
I don't care what you look like now, I just want a love to hold on to me, in my darkest hours and dreary days when I feel as if I've been abandoned, or no one really cares and no one ever really did
Just let me know, I'm safe, and sound,
Let me feel like I can express my words and be accepted,
Let me feel loved, and nurtured and touched when need be,
Let me be me,
Be the scars and the brokenness I've mended on my own,
And let me once in awhile bleed openly,
Sometimes my homemade stitches break, and I cannot control the awesome pain that comes over me,
I cry at night continuously,
So all you wonderful boys out there, I'm saving myself for one of you,
I'm longing to be yours for eternity,
I'm hoping that all my patience is not in vain and one of you can come rescue me, whether I need it or not,
I want you to come after me so quickly,

I wanna move out to La. Not just to be a celebrity, or superstar. I wanna move out to LA cause that's where dreams come true. Right? Ohio is all dull and grey. And during the summer's it's just less grey. You see the flatlands of Ohio, and they don't inspire you. They make you feel even flatter on the inside. Less motivated. Our winter's are hard, are weather is weird, and all our brains are full of bacon and corn.
We worship football, and don't get me started about those buckeyes. That's all our states about…
But california has palm trees and stars and movies. They have my love.
For in California I felt it all, the world in my little hand. The world in my hand, I was an oyster, and california was my pearl. I was loved, and felt loved, and felt as if the world was mine. But Ohio is damp, and dark, and *****. After spring it's just less snowy. It's icky and spiritless. I'm broken and sad easily split open by the weather.

But I was touched by gold. I was given a chance to see mountains. And I wanted mountains, and that California state breeze. That breeze of a millions others who dream… and I am no different.

I think you fell over two stories in love with me. Into an ocean and you poor thing, drowned without even realizing it.
And I felt like you met a person that I didn't even know.
Never thinking I really was ever that special,
But those blue eyes suddenly found me captivating,
And someone found me out to be more then just pretty,
A boy who finally didn't wanna leave,
A sincere heart,
One who maybe I could for once trust and perhaps love,
But oh, that scary word, how mysterious it is, to be in,
Love, what must your heart ache for me,
How it thumps up and down so rapidly
And just now I'm beginning to feel violent sharp tremors when your name just enters my brain,
Can it be?
Love or are we both still far too young

I can't sleep...
As the clock goes tick tock,
My brain can't seem to turn off,
The sun is down,
But I'm up,
Wondering…
Thinking, pondering, dreaming,
All that crazy fun stuff about finals and what not,
And I think of you,
What will become of us,
Yeah I know thats far into the distance,
If we even last that long…
But honey I can't stop worrying,
Thats what I'm best at,
And the acid travels back into my chest,
Heart burn,
And I'm wide awake, in pain, hoping that tomorrow will get better,
I just wanna stop thinking,
Just go to sleep and let the dreams in,

College….
Long boring lectures,
Can I just sleep through this,
I'll read it later,
*** what is my professor even wearing?
My eyelids can't stay open,
And I wanna go back to bed
Oh why, oh why did Christmas break have to end,
I'm sick,
I'm hungry,
Oh God I wanna **** myself,
This degree better be worth it,
I'm freezing,
This place can't even pay for heating?
How much is this text?
I don't even have enough for rent.
Can I just graduate yet,
I did this in High school,
I can't pay for that…
I'm so ready to die…
My youth being spent on mindless literature

So i, maybe, sorta,
like you?
Oh wait, you didn't hear that,
I mean…
Unless you feel the same…
But that could be irrelevant,
I mean what would that matter.
Do you?
I mean, like share the same sorta bubbles I got going on,
Like for me,
My heart sorta goes a flutter,
And I can't help the palpitations and the eruptions you've been causing within my little drum,
Is it just a crush?
Or could it be at all love?
Whatever the hell that is…
But come on,
Dear…
I've never called anyone that,
Is that weird?
Or am I mad,
I just look at you, and my brain goes insane, craving you without caution, or thoughts of the repercussions that I ever wanted you to be mine,
I mean maybe you never will be mine,
Not that I mean to possess you of course,
But I wanna hug you, and look at you every day and call you pretty,
Ugh…what's going on here?
I mean I never have ever wanted to do that to anyone…
Once again a thought of you comes up, and I cannot suppress that thought,
I encourage it,
I enjoy it,
A thought of you makes me smile uncontrollably,
I don't know if that makes me unmanly, or anything, but for some reason I don't give a ****,
Unless you do of course…

I'm shattered,
Like a broken window,
Cracked and queer,
I fear the best human emotion,
Which of course is love,
How devilish it is for me,
To drag you on a string,
Making you desire continuously,
I want no one, but I need them most desperately,
What am I to do?
My heart is in two,
For I think I maybe in need of you,
So what if I fall too hard,
Or not at all,
How hard would that really hurt you,
And that would be my biggest crime,
To strip your heart of it's biggest veins,
I wish you nothing but the best,
But maybe perhaps I'm not it

I'm so sick of this never ending war of politics,
It doesn't really matter in the end if you're a democrat or republican,
Cept I admit I'm of the far right of this so called fight,
But really now,
Can't we just agree of matters that are so logically right,
Like killing babies is a crime that we cannot deny,
And going out and having a smoke is just a joke,
What are you doing with your life,
And college is just a mind warping society of educational hussies,
Like why can I get fined for parking in the wrong spot,
But if I wanna get high, somehow that's considered fine,
Anyways back to all this war of politicians,
Like let me speak what I believe for God sakes,
Ain't that what this country was based off of,
And somehow you feel compelled justified with all those lies,
Backing up that you need government funding to live a good life,
Well I'm just saying that doesn't fly with me,
Yet you'll turn around and say nasty things,
Nothing personally bro,
I just don't agree with you,
And I said it to your face, like nothing bad at all,
So let me tell it to you straight,
I think I'm right…And in the end we'll learn the hard way,
Won't we?

Is it wrong to want a Disney romance?
That may seem a bit silly to say,
But really now,
Who doesn't want a prince to come sing sweet melodies,
"I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream",
Like seriously,
Inside I be screaming "Marry me!"
Unfortunately, my life is not like that, at all,
I'm scrubbing floors like Cinderella cept I don't have a fairy godmother to help me off to my ball,
I am the little red headed mermaid splashing around, ******* down saltwater, glancing up at Eric,
wondering if he'll ever see me,
Yep, I'm Belle alright, reading every night,
Stuck in her dreams, hoping Gaston will quit bothering me,
Gosh! I want my beast already,
I want my star to grant my wish,
That the spell would break from true loves kiss,
But either way I'm still here, living with some dwarves cleaning up after them,
Lucky *******,
Hold up, that's not a very Disney thing to say.
Either way,
Disney got it right,
We girls just want to be saved,
Well I mean, I do,
I don't know about the rest of you,
Prince Charming can you just give me back my shoe,
My heart is your's in return, I promise,
Yeah, that's me waiting, wanting, wishing like always

Don't stop.
Whether if your just starting, or about to be finished.
Keep going.
Even when life bangs you upside the head with accidents you couldn't have predicted.
Don't you dare even think of stopping.
I know the road is rough, but even roses have thorns.
And they'll stick into your skin and make you wanna stop.
Don't be tempted to.
Soon the sun will shine, and you'll see diamonds again.
Life will get better, maybe not today or tomorrow but soon.
Even after you failed that math class, or lost that job, know that it'll improve, somehow, someway. Don't lose hope.
Don't stop. Ever.

This is a poem,
This is a poem like other poems,
But this poem I dedicate to you,
And it's not a single certain somebody,
But to all of those you's,
Those you's whose dreams are just on the edge of coming true,
You see these are the you's that need to keep on going,
No matter how much life hurts you,
And with each passing day you begin to lose hope of any virtue,
You see, the you's have to keep going, have to keep on writing,
They have to keep searching,
The have to just keep breathing, no matter the pain that each inhale and exhale take,
Just don't let it break you,
You see these you's see suffer, not in vain,
But for their brilliant brains, that are like sparkling diamonds amongst the bitter cold coals that lay dead,
They are the ones who are worth it, they are the ones who see happiness, rather then ever having it,
They put it in place of something else,
The you's put up walls because their heart has already been broken,
And they won't let you in,
See they hold back everything,
For such a silly thing, like maybe hope, or healing, or if they are really crazy love,
Or maybe just someone to pay them a small bit of attention,
See these you's see the world through their own eyes,
Their own ways,
And they won't let them touch you,
And if someone whose special ruins it for them,
Well that would perhaps **** everything,
But they  wouldn't die,
They learn to somehow survive
So that's what you'll do,
You pick up the pieces they broke off and reattach,
Soon you'll be good as new
And continue chasing those silly butterflies
No matter how far away from home they fly,
I hope to God, that you's like you will still try

Looking at my nation makes me wanna cry,
Whatever happened to so called freedom and independence you guys?
But citizens are getting greedier and demanding,
Expected to be handed money just cause of circumstances they can't control,
If I sat in my house all day,
Nothing would get done at all,
And just cause you don't have a job doesn't mean the government should reach into my pockets and
TAKE! TAKE! TAKE!
That isn't their job! But you expect it to be,
So you'll vote and vote and vote,
For Robin Hoods and supposed heroes that don't get much done,
But spend and spend and spend,
Because we all deserve equalness…
But don't you get it,
We are never equal,
God didn't make us equal and for life to be fair,
And no,
I didn't say a flaming big explosion created us all to evolve,
Please, lets stop that hopeless dream,
Like, I'm the minority for sure without a voice,
But back in 1958 it wouldn't have been my choice to remove my child from my womb,
Yet it's a sad, sad, sad world, getting worse every day,
I'm tired of not being heard my words and being called ignorant,
For I'm a well informed voter, shouting off some concerns of my own,
Don't I have the **** right as everyone else to be heard?
But there's no point if I'm not listened to, right?
If this type is never read,
Then my thoughts forever are dead,
Please don't take away my rights, to believe what I've always believed.

Twist and turn me,
Rip and bite me,
Let me feel something,
All I ask,
Inspire my veins and give me reason to draw one more breath,
I ask of you,
Ignite or hurt me,
I beg of you,
Let me bore my way out of this intoxicatingly boring atmosphere
Where I can't get one **** word in,
Enrapture me with dreams and wonders,
Let me feel something of anything,
Be my muse and try to entertain my atoms,
Don't let them go to sleep.
Don't let me be tired
Entice and take me,

Dear fall,
Be better to me then your sister summer,
She whipped and scorned me with her heat,
She made me so busy I had no time for myself,
My disappointment of her misuse of the weather made it inexplicably sad,
Oh fall be better, with your wisdom and your slow grace,
Like a woman growing old,
Do it slowly,
With your warm cider,
Your gold pumpkins and your soft cool evenings.
At first summer was my first love,
But I'm a little mad at summer,
So I'll talk to my second love fall.
Give me time to myself to think, and paint and draw,
Don't hassle me all the time as summer did and make me worry.
Treat me with love and show me more family.
For I miss them so.

An ode to fast food,
Oh how I loathe you,
Your hot french fries,
And complaining customers,
That I wish to smack,
Their oh so very fat ***.
The managers are ******,
They need to be relocated to a mental hospital.
One is a furious druggie, with hair that is not so pretty,
And the other is a fat cat, who pretends to be a girl, when he clearly is not at all that,
Oh food that is fast, how thou will not last anymore in my life,
I bid adieu to you, and the burgers,
How'll not miss the times I've cried from working with some miserable *******,
Goodbye for now,
The times were not fun,
How I'll never miss running off to work,
Because I have always hated you.

Her hands were cold,
Lips frostbitten,
And she was sad and didn't know why,
And he left her,
Like out of the blue,
Dumped and damaged,
Once again,
She recalled his hot and intense kisses,
Like shot of whiskey poured down her throat,
And her mind was numb just thinking about him and his hands on her,
Pressing into her impressions that she never forget,
Grabbing, caressing and kissing,
Again and again and again,
Now all faded into the wall of memories that she have to hold back,
In order to not fall apart,
What was romance?
And why was she so hurt,
Knowing it wasn't meant to be with such a bad boy,
But to have love for once in return would be so good,
She walked on by, hoping that faithful time would heal all those wounds,
Wishing she hadn't let a guy in to ruin her world,
Letting down her guard just to simple suffer,
Oh silly beautiful girls, keep your head up and you'll find a better off man who won't just want in your pants,
For someone up there has plans that one day dreams will come true, may it be with or without a boy

I do not know what to do,
But darling forgive me for not falling in love with you,
Thought you silly was I,
But no,
Just strong willed,
And you are good,
Too good,
I cannot have you still,
For I am the tempest winds of the north,
Raging with wild fire,
I yield not,
I cannot yield to you,
For I am a untamable mystery that even I myself have trouble understanding,
But I bid you adieu,
Please don't mourn me,
Treasure that which we had,
And I am a unforgivable lover who does try too hard,
Or sometimes not at all,
Perhaps I should've just given you a chance,
Though time will tell if we ever end up as one,
But please I'm a unbred stallion without a bridle I walk
And I like the space and freedom I have,
Even if it is all for naught

I wanna lie…without a thought in my ever wandering mind…in your arms…tonight
And I ask, if at all that I am wrong to want such from you
If I am crossing boundaries that should not be crossed,
Then I beg, please just forgive, the leaking heart that keeps on giving so much love to you
But if you want the same, then do not keep it hidden,
Expose that which you have been forced to withhold,
For I cannot want this gold anymore,
Too many others have a somebody,
I have a nobody, but a vain hope
And a crossing that may lead to an ending to our relationship.
It's you I've desired above all else,
You, I wanted above every dream that set my heart on fire,
Is it love?
Or am I fool for ever wanting you?
Do not answer with words!
I beg, just please hold me for a night instead,
Show that love can be a bit pure,
And that we are at least holier then those others,
But if you want only what I cannot give,
Then forgive this heartfelt confession for you were never meant to hear such sweet spoken, soft, honest words that I so mistakenly tried to give you

Lie to me,
tell me the world has happy endings and Santa Claus does exist.
Cause I cannot take this sick reality.
Of pain and hollow cores,
I just want snowflakes.
In the bitter darkness, I ache, openly. Hoping,
Where now Hope may not exist. And ergo happiness,
For where is life without love,
And love without friends,
For suddenly I dim, Unexpectedly,
Lose all expectedness,
And fall as winter may,
Cold then all at once frozen.

We began talking,
You know the process of getting to know one another,
But I'm not good at talking,
Flirting I can do,
But talk?
About what?
About our futures and passions and powers,
Our past and present and our potentials...
The political debates and our crumbling state of mind,
How we don't get enough sleep or how that irritating idea of waking up from our slumber,
Sure talking is great,
But it isn't real, ya know?
Like I can talk all I want and you wouldn't get to know anymore about me then you don't already know,
I mean, if you wanna get to know me, spend a day with me, read my diary, be more then just a friend,
Make me spill the beans and confess my broken dreams,
I mean talking won't get me to do that,
You gotta open me up,
Cut through all my damage,
Look past my scar tissue,
Force me to depend upon you,
Thats how I'll ever start to get to love you...

I am a girl.
See that. A girl.
I'm not a boy.
I got curves and long hair.
Nothing too scary…
Then why the hell won't you talk to me?
If that is what you want, me, then come on boys,
I am waiting. Patiently, wanting to be pursued with every bit of your energy,
I'll give you hints and lead you on, but come on,
It aint that hard to admit you like me,
I mean I may not feel the same,
But seriously,
This is not funny…
You can't call me pretty and then just do nothing,
No, don't walk away yet,
***** into my heart and then not commit,
What is this?
Did your mom's not teach you manners?
Playing your evil games with my lover hazy brain.
Admit it!
***, thats only what you want!
But please, I am not ******…
Neither am I that easy.
Break into my heart, and then rewire my veins,
What? Are you completely insane?
I desire a partnership!
God! Is that so **** deranged?
But no, your heart's too broken, or you just not that interested,
Please…
I will not press my lips upon yours,
The same old story once again

The definitions of girl is not ponies, not princesses, not damsel in distress. We are not dainty, dismal, damaged, needed to be saved porcelain dolls. We are not made of china. We are made as the same material as you. As you who were breathed from earth so are we. We have bone, we have skin. We have eyes and noses and ears. We just have the same materials, but our insides are warped, mystic oceans full of unwanted emotions, tidal waves of thoughts, insecurities, we are potions of explosions, bottles just about to break, yet we keep going.
Girls are not petty, not just there to be pretty. Girls are human just as you. We aren't sculptures or paintings or portraits but girls are made to bring out the beauty of this world.Beauty that is skin deep. From with in the soul and just within the realms of our hearts. We breath But first girls must love themselves or they will fall for any type of love they get. Girls are soldiers fighting a war with themselves, everyday doubting whether they are good enough, some are better at it then others, but even that is just plain vanity. Girls are sad creatures, lost unicorns, because men will not understand the horrors of being female. Yes males have it bad, but girls have it worse. Girls are seen as followers and are  not given lee way to make decisions on their own. They are considered simple and frail because men don't understand the storms that brew incessantly within our souls. Girls are not possessions that are here to make men happy. Girls want to be loved, more then anything else in the world. They don't need to be successful, some have the desire to be. But all internally struggling with the idea of if any of us are any good enough to be loved. So don't ever tell me my diet coke should not be a diet. Don't tell me I need to never wear makeup. Don't try to compliment me by telling me what to do. Don't think because you are a boy that you are able to tell me what I can and cannot do. Cause I'm as human as you and my opinions have the same amount of weight no matter how many hormones I have within my soul raging.Being hit on is just embarrassing. I'm not your toy, I'm not your treasure. I'm a person. Respect is all I ask, as the thought of how unequally I am considered to be according to your  breed. Luckily my dad never said to me you can't do that cause you are a girl. Luckily my dad loved me and showed me how to be treated. I was taught females are gonna get as much respect as they show themselves. But how bout guys you step off and let us be. I get you wanna talk to us, so talk, don't make dumb comments, don't try to flatter us in front of our bosses, don't make us feel like we are feeble and silly.  Don't tell me what I know cause you haven't taken one step in my shoes. You have never worn my skin. You don't have *****, and you cannot dare tell me how to drink, how to dress, whether I'm fat or skinny, or just the right size you have no say in how I treat my body.

She was a girl with soft lips and a hard heart. One you kinda veered off from when you're next to at the mall. She was lovely specimen of perfume and paint which soaked her veins and made me enamored with her sweet perfection. And before I knew it, I was a victim of love itself. Love, one of innocence falls solemnly to its unknown vices, unaware of the pain and terrible heartache one can be trapped after loving someone. I loved her without hesitation. I loved her without holding a single song back. I loved her, with the knowledge that she may never see me throw cupid's spell that little naked babe cast on me. She was a mystery. One who kept to herself as if she had been a victim of pain brought on by the horrible tragedies that love can create. Maybe that's why I was so in love. She was a caged tiger, still incredibly beautiful yet dangerous to the touch. Only distance would protect me, but I was like a zookeeper. And distance was not an option. I could no longer look from afar. I was done with just looking. To feel her brown gold locks against my skin would be as if I'm lying china silk. To have those diamond eyes look at me with kindness and affection would be staring at the face of a cherubim. A ****** from sins of this world who would be the very one to restore my soul. I was enchanted, infected, and very much obsessed for this girl was…unfathomable and one I could only write about, so I did.

Break rules,
Burn houses,
Let them hate you,
Cause they already are going to,
Be wild,
Be messy,
Don't let them tell you what you can and cannot do,
When they go left,
Go right,
Make a path,
Unbridle your soul,
And hurt,
Don't be so **** afraid,
This earth is so young,
Have fun,
And don't listen to all the dream crushers,
The teachers, the professors,
Rip out pages of books,
And run wild, be an untamable life,
Enlightened those surrounded you,
Nobody got anything done by following laws,
They followed the stars and won

Love aint my thing. I don't understand it too well. The feeling is mutual. Sorry bro, but you have permanently friend zoned.
And why? You may ask. Well let me break it down. I am a GIRL.
Read my lips. Not your dude that you can just kiss every now and then. Why don't you try?
Like admit it. Do something significant.
You standing there is wasting my time. I cannot initiate.
I mean sure, let's say I did, what good would that do, or even prove.
Oh my God, you are so scared.
And it makes me want to hate you. But I stare, waiting and wishing, some confidence would grow from underneath.
Taking me within the covers of your sheets. I am not asking for a wedding ring, well least not yet.
Marriage is a long time, far into the distance.
I like my space.
If you give it to me, maybe I'll let you enter mine as well.
I cannot trust girlfriends.
They lie, they cheat, and **** my heart consistently.
Which is why I've been talking to you so I don't feel so lonely.
Why don't you take the opportunity?
Come on, get to know me!
For God sakes,
Take over,
Just a lil bit,
I don't know where to go or what to do,
Howbout you and that brain figure it out,
I don't have time to go on with these silly games…
Just ask me out already!

Healing,
is hard, a process, steps of life to take,
it hurts, it aches,
and the break seems to slow life down to several days.
In impatience, ignore and move on, when there is still need to reprimand the hurt.
Whether it be emotional or physical,
it takes awhile before we can walk or run again.
So take a breather,
See a doctor or some medicines,
Drink herbal tea or hot coffee,
Breath,
Sigh,
Cry,
But most important pay attention to what is going on inside.
take the time to attend to the pain
It's all crazy,
This so called messy life,
Can't go on very well if injuries occur.
So heal up, watch old movies, write,
call old friends and try to feel better,
And eventually you will.

What do ya do when a heart breaks?
Cause it hurts worse then a major headache,
I rather break a bone then a heart, cause hearts hurt insanely too much,
And no amount of ibuprofen is gonna work,
It just is gonna bleed more,
No matter the drugs or alcohol,
The pain will proceed,
Until time has taken it's sweet toll,
And then it just becomes a small sore memory

I want a letter written to me,
Starting with Dear and ending with my utmost affection,
I wanna be brought up during those days where guys tried,
Like not afraid to get denied,
Lets pretend the internet isn't alive,
I wanna dance ballroom style, and let a man take the lead,
I want him to pretty much just protect me,
I'm trashing all this feministic ****,
Lets go back to those days when girls were respected and taken care of,
Rewind and replay the parts of Pride and Prejudice,
Or I wanna be Scarlett O'hara battling it out with Rhett,
I want a man who won't be so afraid,
Sure my face is pretty and whatnot, but why don't you say it to me?
Like grow a pair,
Grab me,
Make a move,
Don't be so **** afraid to hug me,
Please,
All I'm asking,
And I want to be dressed to the nines with ball gowns that go down to my ankles, and my hair all curled like Maria Antoinette,
Ok so maybe I've lost my mine,
But I sure wanna ride a carriage at twilight,
And have candles light the night,
Silly of me I suppose,
But still I cannot help but want those ancient times,
When men had to act right

I am not in love,
Well at least I don't think I am,
I mean what is love exactly?
Is it like some crazy obsession with some special person,
Does that person have to be even special?
Like I'm not in love,
Or at least I am pretty sure I'm not,
I would know, I least I hope,
Isn't love, like crazy,
Like indescribable, unattainable, a mystery in itself that cannot be written down and understood in just one poem,
So I guess I'm not in love…
I want to be though,
Although maybe I am because my mind sorta drifts back to you every now and then,
You and your vast mix of imperfections,
Like how you complain constantly,
And how you never know what you want,
And how you insult me every chance you get.
You aren't afraid to be mean, and call me out for my flaws,
Like you don't worship me like other boys do,
I mean, if anything we are friends, but perhaps I like you more...
Weird how it just is ok when we are around and we can talk to each other, openly, with out any censoring whatsoever…
I know more about you then I ever wanted to know,
You remembered my birthday,
And knew when I wanted to be kissed,
Are we just too stubborn to be each others?
Or has fate just not yet allowed us yet,
But I don't know, I just feel normal around you,
Like ok, and If I had a life with you to feel that way,
I be happy, forever
And no perfect boy could ever recreate that mood within me like the way that you do

Ouch!
Thou cruel fate has pierced my heart,
And I can barely breath,
Inhaling has become a lot harder,
And I wanna scream!
But maybe I'm not meant to be,
In control of my horrible destiny,
This cruel life that can easily break,
My glass heart,
And in the wake of my daydreams
Are creepy and disdainful nightmares,
Oh please,
I beg,
Life be merciful,
As I am nothing without some hope to keep on holding onto

I feel like over chewed gum,
Dried and loss of flavor I've become,
I'm a broke rubber band,
A piece of string with no purpose,
And I'm hanging on by this tiny piece of thread,
clinging onto the mouth of my bed,
A loose tooth,
Wanting to be set free,
Yet holding on with it's hole entirety.
I'm a broken frame, a car low on fuel, and I'm breaking into two different lifeforms,
I am halves

I'm tired and stressed,
And such a God awful mess,
Why can't it be summer now,
No one is happy or pleasant,
And life isn't going so swell,
I miss the sun, and real love, and an actual hope for tomorrow.
I'm lost and confused and don't know what to do,
Wishing it could always be us two,
But life is not a ton of not so much fun,
And I got ton of stuff I don't want to do at all,
So how is it,
That I'm stuck.
In the muck.
And I haven't had any luck,
With life lately.
Something better happen to make me a little bit happy.

I wanna write all that you mean to me,
But that would take a trillion years,
A million pages,
A thousand life spans to get across,
Even when I wanna throw you across the room,
I'm enamored with sweet contagious affection of some demented kind,
I don't ever wanna hurt you.
And when I do, I feel hurt as well, Like someone bit my own arm off. It's like a self inflicted wound, by of course accident,
I didn't mean to cut the tip of my pinkie off, but when i did, it felt just like the time when I got you mad at me,
Cept 1 million times worse,
And if I dare one day see tears drip from thine own eyes, I **** the ***** that started the trickle, even if from me,
For you mean that much to me,
Not even my own life is worth saving, or caring about,
forget about me, for you consume all my days, every hour even the meaningless boring seconds I waste waiting for you,
They consist of you,
For you are the very essence of me
every little tiny atom was made for you

I wanna fight with you,
I wanna argue and say horrible mean things to you,
I wanna hurt you,
Disregard your existence
Make you go insane,
Point out all your flaws in the name of love,
And then throw glass at you,
Raise our voices in extreme fury,
Fight me,
Break me,
Burn me,
Make me know that you want me,
For God sakes if I don't know I'm leaving,
I'll quit,
I'll run out the door into another's arms if you don't make me feel like I matter,
*******,
Go!
Get out of here,
And grop that girl you met last night,
I don't need you,
Even though I love you,
Even though I can rip open my chest and expose that which I've kept hidden for year,
Yeah the scar tissue shows,
Not pretty,
I know,
I can't do that with Dan, or Connor, or Brandon or Matt,
If they saw the ugliness underneath I never would hear from them again,
But with you,
With your patience and understanding I cannot feel anymore at home,
Isn't that the feeling ones suppose to feel,
Real?
I feel like I can be absolutely real,
Like the DNA can unravel and unwind,
I don't have to hid anymore,
Not with you, or around you,
I can be me!
I'm just a bit afraid that you're the only one I can find,
The only one that I can ever be with,
The only one who would make me feel completely and utterly whole…
Make sense?

Im a useless bag of bones.
Broken in agony.
With a heart that doesn't wanna beat anymore.
My stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm so lost,
Worried, with the stress going on,
And I don't know how to fair anymore.
I just wish I knew what to do,
Cause right now I don't know how to breathe, regularly,
Its getting so scary.