Is it wrong to want a Disney romance?
That may seem a bit silly to say,
But really now,
Who doesn't want a prince to come sing sweet melodies,
"I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream",
Like seriously,
Inside I be screaming "Marry me!"
Unfortunately, my life is not like that, at all,
I'm scrubbing floors like Cinderella cept I don't have a fairy godmother to help me off to my ball,
I am the little red headed mermaid splashing around, ******* down saltwater, glancing up at Eric,
wondering if he'll ever see me,
Yep, I'm Belle alright, reading every night,
Stuck in her dreams, hoping Gaston will quit bothering me,
Gosh! I want my beast already,
I want my star to grant my wish,
That the spell would break from true loves kiss,
But either way I'm still here, living with some dwarves cleaning up after them,
Lucky *******,
Hold up, that's not a very Disney thing to say.
Either way,
Disney got it right,
We girls just want to be saved,
Well I mean, I do,
I don't know about the rest of you,
Prince Charming can you just give me back my shoe,
My heart is your's in return, I promise,
Yeah, that's me waiting, wanting, wishing like always

Give me back my shell,
My hole of comfort and understanding.
Where I face not the hard and weary world,
Give me time to myself,
A me time that only I can comprehend.
I wanna rip the cord of constant connection and just let the thoughts and soul settle like the bottom of the ocean.
I wanna just relax and be able to be myself,
ALONE,
Without another,
And nobody seems to get that very well
At least not anyone I know,
So if anybody were to love me they need to understand this,
I'm a half introvert,
And that half needs some time to recover at times

You are my morning cup of coffee,
My hot, steamy, caffeinated beverage made to wake me up,
I sip you,
Bitter,
Some sugar to cheer you up?
I dowse you in vanilla cream…
Any better my darling?
How come you are so nasty?
Not a morning person either?
Well I can't blame you,
Why do I think I drink so much of you?
Because I like you?
Well I do,sorta, the effects you bring to me are quite uplifting,
I shake,
Nervously,
Oh you startle me and delight me,
I feel comforted as you break open into my bloodstream,
My body on fire and ready to start my long and trying day,
Maybe we can get through this together,
Another cup is what I think I need of you,
Whether bitter or not we can make it through,
So my little cappuccino, so frothy and frilly,
I want you to know that I need you,
Like to start my morning, my every morning
Whether you are just black, or a venti latte with skim and carmel syrup stirred inside,
Or else I be stuck in bed all the time
There be no you to keep me awake or alive,
No reason to go outside and try,
No motivator, no mover, just me living my days on my own,
How terribly depressing I must add,
So I'll keep you company if you keep on stirring my brain with your caffeinated ways

An ode to fast food,
Oh how I loathe you,
Your hot french fries,
And complaining customers,
That I wish to smack,
Their oh so very fat ***.
The managers are ******,
They need to be relocated to a mental hospital.
One is a furious druggie, with hair that is not so pretty,
And the other is a fat cat, who pretends to be a girl, when he clearly is not at all that,
Oh food that is fast, how thou will not last anymore in my life,
I bid adieu to you, and the burgers,
How'll not miss the times I've cried from working with some miserable *******,
Goodbye for now,
The times were not fun,
How I'll never miss running off to work,
Because I have always hated you.

I want you not.
No, my heart can beat without you,
So I don't yearn so desperately for you, I wake not in the middle of the night waiting for you, not able to sleep until I see you,
I wait not at my phone wanting you to call me whispering words of earnest and encouragement,
Never do I walk around the park wondering where you are,
But I need you,
As stupid as it sounds,
You may not consume my every thought,
But your existence is vital to mine.
And I did not want nor ask for this.
But my heart and every heartbeat are in vain for living without you is impossible
For though I can go on not wanting you,
I am so utterly and desperately in need of you more then I have ever wanted to be or even should,
Nobody should need somebody so terribly,
But I regrettably do,
For without you a 'Me' would be well, a worthless ******* without meaning,
But with a you, that me has a purpose,
Though it not be finite or ideal,
It is a purpose whatsoever,
Although I should not need you so **** much,
Especially since you seem to be living life just fine without me,
But my thoughts and pounding heart  go on in the hope that one day you will actually need me,
As I have been in so long of need of you

Caffeine and tobacco, and the occasional puff of marijuana, thats how we do it right.
The lack of love is leaving us lonely and we lie about in vain,
Not sure of what next high is nigh, or if our nights are purely as selfish and ***** as we made them to be,
We didn't know what was next,
We tried to study for a test we knew we were going to fail,
And we had *** maybe three or four times last wednesday,
Except I can't tell when I will ever be able to see him again,
Life is spinning, or is that just me,
I don't know whats up or down, or even where to go next,
I hope that real life isn't as hopeless,
**** it,
I don't care,
This ain't a poem, just a sigh,
I breathed in again some pointless oxygen,
And exhale out the words that make no sense,
An ache of broken dreams and ancient histories,
Of how my life is so **** far from ever being perfect,
I'll always be so fat and dreary,
And  I can never get a guy to truly like me more then just my face,
Please, oh how i wish I could put them in their place,
Quick I need an i.v. to **** out this poison I put inside to hide the sorry facts that I'm alive,
Someone quick give me a drug to block out it all,
The misery I've endured for too many years,
An acid, a cig, a sip of beer,
Anything that will keep me from dying tonight,
Oh but to think of death,
How sweet,
To think of never bearing pain or thought or another heartbeat,
A simple absolute,
A final relief,
Another great day to be destroyed by the fact of another tomorrow,
There would be a nothing to ever be more,
So think not me suicidal,
Just sadistic and a little mad is justice,
But let you not think that I need help,
I need friends thats all,
To help me get through the roughness,
Maybe I'll eventually callous for once,
And the pain I endured will be a remembrance, a faint dream of wonder
Something like a mystery, yet it ends with fondness

This old ***** embedded into my bone,
My tibia, infused together with metal,
How wonderfully painful you become during spurts of cold weather,
And I remember you like an old heartbreak. Like a mended break up,
And I broke you over 8 years ago.
So every time the weather rains or is colder
I fell it scream in my ankle
Just like when I sniff your old cologne,
Or hug someone with arms like yours,
I'm screaming inside,
Hoping one day you'll return and take away my arthritis that is developing in my bones but also in my heart.

I'm nervous about nothing,
Is that even possible, or normal?
I'm worried.
And I'm worried that something will make me worry more,
I'm stressed to the test
I feel like I'll shatter,
Like a glass window,
In pieces I'll fall,
Someone out there, hear my plead,
Catch me,
Cause my mind is being murdered by thoughts
Like roaring ocean waves,
Back and forth,
Breaking me like the beach,
I'm being ebbed away by my own inner shore,
So help before I become my very own enemy

I feel trapped in a tower,
Man, I need a shower,
And my eyes are so very tired,
I wanna go away,
And take another vaca,  Not go back to school as soon,
Oh to have a job where it's not so freezing,
And to have my brain depleting of thoughts that were so precious before,
I wanna rewind and go back in time,
To the days were worry was nevermore,
But on this bleak and dreary *** day,
I can only but complain of my sad and pathetic Christmas blues,
A New year to fail at everything I do,
So sad to say,
But in other words you have a nice day

19 years of boring days,
19 years of tears,
19 years of things drastically falling apart and never making any sense,
that is 19 years of trying to figure things out, like my body, and who the heck am I?
19 years of loving any guy who dare speak to me,
and 19 years of heartache figuring out that they didn't love me back,
19 years of dreaming and reading and wondering,
19 years of thinking, about everything really,
About God, and life, and why in the world am I here,
and 19 years of drawing,
19 years of human pain, like that time I had to get surgery for a broken leg,
Then there is a ton of mental and emotional pain, like heart break,
And other ****,
19 years of loving my family and friends for being there in my desperate times of despair,
And 19 years of not realizing that they were there the whole entire time,
19 years of trying to find my unrealistic and perfect Mr. Darcy,
which of course does not exist, well to my knowledge at least,
19 years of crushes on all the wrong guys,
And 19 years of never acknowledging the prime and proper ones who were gonna treat me right,
19 years of having to schoolwork, and now in college its more work then I have ever imagined,
And sometimes I just break down and cry because the stress of it all is depleting me of all my energy and time,
19 years of not knowing how to function around certain people, like at all sometimes,
And 19 years of having some of the greatest friends in the world to go out with on random nights to smoke hookah,
19 years of happy days,
And 19 years of having your heart ripped out of your chest and beaten on the side of the road until it can barely beat anymore,
19 years of having sucky days that make you want to jump off a cliff and **** yourself, or anybody at all really,
Like the first person you wake up in the morning and dares speak to you,
19 years of feeling tired, like every day,
19 years of eating delicious junk food, drinking water, laughing so hard I can't even breath, spilling coffee, talking so fast I forget what I am even saying and slipping up on everything.
19 years of foul plays and just really bad mistakes that you thought were gonna turn out good, but hit you really hard in the face,
So 19 birthdays to celebrate all these crazy and silly happenings that make me wanna go insane,
But I'm not so sure where I be without it all, without

Would you still love me if my sea blue green eyes were puddles of icky brown like gas station toilet water,
Would you still love me if my locks of autumn sun kissed hair follicles fell off my head like they do seasonally,
Would you love me if my skin was orange like bright cheeto puffed style, and would you still love me if I had no nose,
Would you still love me when I'm sad and unconsolable,
With tears running down my eyes like the waters off niagra,
Would you still love me if I died,
Like not existed anymore,
Would you even cry,
And would you love me if I had no value to this world,
If everyone hated me and ran from me like a squirrel, Would you still love this pathetic girl, If she was all that she set out to be but couldn't. Would you still love her like you do,
Would you love me for all my ugly faults I cannot change.

We began talking,
You know the process of getting to know one another,
But I'm not good at talking,
Flirting I can do,
But talk?
About what?
About our futures and passions and powers,
Our past and present and our potentials...
The political debates and our crumbling state of mind,
How we don't get enough sleep or how that irritating idea of waking up from our slumber,
Sure talking is great,
But it isn't real, ya know?
Like I can talk all I want and you wouldn't get to know anymore about me then you don't already know,
I mean, if you wanna get to know me, spend a day with me, read my diary, be more then just a friend,
Make me spill the beans and confess my broken dreams,
I mean talking won't get me to do that,
You gotta open me up,
Cut through all my damage,
Look past my scar tissue,
Force me to depend upon you,
Thats how I'll ever start to get to love you...

I am not in love,
Well at least I don't think I am,
I mean what is love exactly?
Is it like some crazy obsession with some special person,
Does that person have to be even special?
Like I'm not in love,
Or at least I am pretty sure I'm not,
I would know, I least I hope,
Isn't love, like crazy,
Like indescribable, unattainable, a mystery in itself that cannot be written down and understood in just one poem,
So I guess I'm not in love…
I want to be though,
Although maybe I am because my mind sorta drifts back to you every now and then,
You and your vast mix of imperfections,
Like how you complain constantly,
And how you never know what you want,
And how you insult me every chance you get.
You aren't afraid to be mean, and call me out for my flaws,
Like you don't worship me like other boys do,
I mean, if anything we are friends, but perhaps I like you more...
Weird how it just is ok when we are around and we can talk to each other, openly, with out any censoring whatsoever…
I know more about you then I ever wanted to know,
You remembered my birthday,
And knew when I wanted to be kissed,
Are we just too stubborn to be each others?
Or has fate just not yet allowed us yet,
But I don't know, I just feel normal around you,
Like ok, and If I had a life with you to feel that way,
I be happy, forever
And no perfect boy could ever recreate that mood within me like the way that you do

I want a letter written to me,
Starting with Dear and ending with my utmost affection,
I wanna be brought up during those days where guys tried,
Like not afraid to get denied,
Lets pretend the internet isn't alive,
I wanna dance ballroom style, and let a man take the lead,
I want him to pretty much just protect me,
I'm trashing all this feministic ****,
Lets go back to those days when girls were respected and taken care of,
Rewind and replay the parts of Pride and Prejudice,
Or I wanna be Scarlett O'hara battling it out with Rhett,
I want a man who won't be so afraid,
Sure my face is pretty and whatnot, but why don't you say it to me?
Like grow a pair,
Grab me,
Make a move,
Don't be so **** afraid to hug me,
Please,
All I'm asking,
And I want to be dressed to the nines with ball gowns that go down to my ankles, and my hair all curled like Maria Antoinette,
Ok so maybe I've lost my mine,
But I sure wanna ride a carriage at twilight,
And have candles light the night,
Silly of me I suppose,
But still I cannot help but want those ancient times,
When men had to act right

I wanna fight with you,
I wanna argue and say horrible mean things to you,
I wanna hurt you,
Disregard your existence
Make you go insane,
Point out all your flaws in the name of love,
And then throw glass at you,
Raise our voices in extreme fury,
Fight me,
Break me,
Burn me,
Make me know that you want me,
For God sakes if I don't know I'm leaving,
I'll quit,
I'll run out the door into another's arms if you don't make me feel like I matter,
*******,
Go!
Get out of here,
And grop that girl you met last night,
I don't need you,
Even though I love you,
Even though I can rip open my chest and expose that which I've kept hidden for year,
Yeah the scar tissue shows,
Not pretty,
I know,
I can't do that with Dan, or Connor, or Brandon or Matt,
If they saw the ugliness underneath I never would hear from them again,
But with you,
With your patience and understanding I cannot feel anymore at home,
Isn't that the feeling ones suppose to feel,
Real?
I feel like I can be absolutely real,
Like the DNA can unravel and unwind,
I don't have to hid anymore,
Not with you, or around you,
I can be me!
I'm just a bit afraid that you're the only one I can find,
The only one that I can ever be with,
The only one who would make me feel completely and utterly whole…
Make sense?

Boys, Boys, Boys,
Likable, lovable,or lonely,
Some are completely despicable,
You got those hard ***** who are too strong for love, or who will just lead ya on, making you think thoughts you shouldn't about them and
Making you want them more then you should,
Or you got those babies, the ones who refuse to actually grow some *****,
The ones who ask you to forgive them of their weaknesses,
Their shortcomings and their downfalls,
Like seriously?
I'm a girl, not a leaning post who you can depend upon,
Ok, maybe if I knew you more,
But still like, really?
The ones who refuse to make a move, like even afraid to touch you,
What? Do I have cooties or something,
Hold my hand, or hold me,
Come on!
Then you got those ones who don't even know how to communicate,
Or say something worth hearing,  
Please I've heard it all,
How cute and adorable I am,
The Goddess, a queen, labeling me to be one who I'm not,
I'm a human being, one of you!
Last time I checked I was a mortal, not some model of perfection,
But to be put on such a pedestal is simply too much.
So come on guys, get a grip and learn how to stand up for yourselves,
Don't pretend I'm something more then I'm not,
It aint going to work,
I want you as a friend, then a lover, but the crushes are constantly crushing my hopes and dreams of finding that one prince charming

So i, maybe, sorta,
like you?
Oh wait, you didn't hear that,
I mean…
Unless you feel the same…
But that could be irrelevant,
I mean what would that matter.
Do you?
I mean, like share the same sorta bubbles I got going on,
Like for me,
My heart sorta goes a flutter,
And I can't help the palpitations and the eruptions you've been causing within my little drum,
Is it just a crush?
Or could it be at all love?
Whatever the hell that is…
But come on,
Dear…
I've never called anyone that,
Is that weird?
Or am I mad,
I just look at you, and my brain goes insane, craving you without caution, or thoughts of the repercussions that I ever wanted you to be mine,
I mean maybe you never will be mine,
Not that I mean to possess you of course,
But I wanna hug you, and look at you every day and call you pretty,
Ugh…what's going on here?
I mean I never have ever wanted to do that to anyone…
Once again a thought of you comes up, and I cannot suppress that thought,
I encourage it,
I enjoy it,
A thought of you makes me smile uncontrollably,
I don't know if that makes me unmanly, or anything, but for some reason I don't give a ****,
Unless you do of course…

Her hands were cold,
Lips frostbitten,
And she was sad and didn't know why,
And he left her,
Like out of the blue,
Dumped and damaged,
Once again,
She recalled his hot and intense kisses,
Like shot of whiskey poured down her throat,
And her mind was numb just thinking about him and his hands on her,
Pressing into her impressions that she never forget,
Grabbing, caressing and kissing,
Again and again and again,
Now all faded into the wall of memories that she have to hold back,
In order to not fall apart,
What was romance?
And why was she so hurt,
Knowing it wasn't meant to be with such a bad boy,
But to have love for once in return would be so good,
She walked on by, hoping that faithful time would heal all those wounds,
Wishing she hadn't let a guy in to ruin her world,
Letting down her guard just to simple suffer,
Oh silly beautiful girls, keep your head up and you'll find a better off man who won't just want in your pants,
For someone up there has plans that one day dreams will come true, may it be with or without a boy

I'm so sick of this never ending war of politics,
It doesn't really matter in the end if you're a democrat or republican,
Cept I admit I'm of the far right of this so called fight,
But really now,
Can't we just agree of matters that are so logically right,
Like killing babies is a crime that we cannot deny,
And going out and having a smoke is just a joke,
What are you doing with your life,
And college is just a mind warping society of educational hussies,
Like why can I get fined for parking in the wrong spot,
But if I wanna get high, somehow that's considered fine,
Anyways back to all this war of politicians,
Like let me speak what I believe for God sakes,
Ain't that what this country was based off of,
And somehow you feel compelled justified with all those lies,
Backing up that you need government funding to live a good life,
Well I'm just saying that doesn't fly with me,
Yet you'll turn around and say nasty things,
Nothing personally bro,
I just don't agree with you,
And I said it to your face, like nothing bad at all,
So let me tell it to you straight,
I think I'm right…And in the end we'll learn the hard way,
Won't we?

I hate those anti-artists.
Those ones who draw to be artistic,
The ones who try but fail to be a Van Gogh or Picasso,
Those men didn't try,
They were a work of art themselves,
Art isn't a hobby,
It's a lifestyle,
It's a passion, and point of existence for some. It's reason and resolution
Not a play thing,
You can't just be an art major,
You have to strive to be it,
Full blood and sweat and tears pouring ones heart into it,
I hate those who think art is hard, too hard,
And I can't stand those people who take art because it's supposed to be fun or easy…
Easy?
You think Michelangelo enjoyed painting on his back for months from dawn to dusk,
You think its fun to be broke from art supply expenses?
You think its cool to see things differently from everyone else? Or to be so socially awkward it's difficult to function in crowds
Being a artist is an emotional journey of self discovery,
And those brushes and paints help us along the way,
Our creative minds are so busy and potent and powerful that if we didn't draw we burst from all the ideas gathering up,
We explode!
So art is not what we do to get attention,
Its what makes us feel important and worthy inside,
Whether we get notice or not
And if God willing we will...

Kiss me,
Like now,
Like hard,
And intense and meaningful,
Mean it,
Do it, without me asking,
For God sakes,
Embrace me, if you fear that I'll refuse then you are so wrong,
For I want you to,
I want you to show that which you feel,
Let the fireworks fly,
Grab me suddenly, up and around, twirl me and make my insides soar,
Like take those hands and grip onto me for dear life,
Then tilt that head down,
Towards my lips,
And slowly without hesitation, let those lips lock onto mine,
Last for awhile,
Like a few minutes or so,
Something you know, memorable,
That we can tell our grandkids about someday,
And maybe change the world with to

I am a girl.
See that. A girl.
I'm not a boy.
I got curves and long hair.
Nothing too scary…
Then why the hell won't you talk to me?
If that is what you want, me, then come on boys,
I am waiting. Patiently, wanting to be pursued with every bit of your energy,
I'll give you hints and lead you on, but come on,
It aint that hard to admit you like me,
I mean I may not feel the same,
But seriously,
This is not funny…
You can't call me pretty and then just do nothing,
No, don't walk away yet,
***** into my heart and then not commit,
What is this?
Did your mom's not teach you manners?
Playing your evil games with my lover hazy brain.
Admit it!
***, thats only what you want!
But please, I am not ******…
Neither am I that easy.
Break into my heart, and then rewire my veins,
What? Are you completely insane?
I desire a partnership!
God! Is that so **** deranged?
But no, your heart's too broken, or you just not that interested,
Please…
I will not press my lips upon yours,
The same old story once again

She's a spitfire. A kinda girl that makes you want her no matter how poisonous she can be. With an infectious smile, and a swing with those wide hips, she make your mind melt. Like a shaken glass bottle of coke, she was bubbles of carbonated water mixed with sugar and unknown chemicals that make your taste buds sizzle. But she explode on you if you weren't careful. She wasn't afraid to say, "I hate you". She often said it quite often, especially to boys who tried too hard, or not at all. She was a wild thing and liked fire even if she got burned. And she wasn't afraid to hurt you. And if you hurt her, watch it. If you hurt someone she loved, then you better run. But a ****** she was, and sparky, sorta spinster sort of attitude she had towards love. She didn't want it. She needed it not in her mind. But alas at night she be alone and cold, wanted some arms to have to hold her. And her cold hard eyes defied their love. She was crude and not careful, and said words that make those boys want her more then they should. She teased and taunted and played with em all. Wanting nothing to do with them and their easy hearts. She wanted someone who was strong. Someone who wasn't so easy to or so nice. She didn't like nice, because as hard as she tried she couldn't be nice. She wasn't nice or selfless or loving. She was war, and strife, and like to make other people mad. She say stuff she didn't mean, and make sure people knew what she thought, even if it didn't matter. She wanted a guy who could manage it. Who could settle her down and be ok ruffling her feathers and calling her names. She wanted him keeping it interesting, unlike the others who bored her to tears. Yeah, she was the one that I didn't want to tame but loved so much anyways.

You don't need a somebody!
You got you,
You should know you're good enough,
The models on the tv screens with their perfect bodies are fake,
You should believe in yourself,
Like you got everybody wanting something from you,
Your parents, your friends, your boyfriends and last but not least, that little voice screaming for help inside of your head,
The one that's the bona fide you,
The other you, who puts all that makeup on and tries to diet,
The one who tries to act like she is strong enough,
I don't even know who that is!
Like the one who tries to be book smart, and boy smart, and street smart, and like tries to hold it altogether, when insides she's dying of unhappiness,
Yeah, thats the you, you've been hiding,
The ones who's afraid to love and be kissed,
The ones who's not able to admit she needs someone,
The one who wakes up feeling so inadequate and imperfect and unworthy of life itself every morning of every day,
Yeah, thats the you, that you are honey,
And I'm not saying that's ok,
I'm saying I wanna fix it for ya,
I'm trying to be here and make it fine,
But for God sakes you are so stubborn,
It's as if you enjoy that sorta pain,
You want it to hurt,
You break open you own stitches and watch the blood pour out,
Let them heal,
Allow it to scar over all ready,
I mean, I got ears,
I'll listen with them, just let me hear,
Even if it doesn't make sense,
Scream the demons out,
Cry! Sob! Just quit trying to be in control of life cause you're not and never will be,
And hurts seeing you so wrecked up and confused,
Loving won't be enough I fear,
But whether your hair is blonde or the color of navy blue I can't help but not be so enamored with you,
Still though, I want you to feel the same for yourself first

She was a sad, sad girl, with eyes of glittering diamonds,
You know, electrifying and incarcerating,
Piercing the light,
She had hope despite the fire that burn, burn, burn so deep inside her,
That burning pain she felt when friends abandoned her and boys kept replacing her every week,
But despite the heartache and the long days she kept on going,
breathing in and out,
slowly,
Take the awful and miserable thoughts elsewhere,
deviate the pain, with love,
Find those who care and spend time with them,
Drink a cup of hot cocoa and forget,
Thats what she did,
And those ever permeating eyes kept on searching heartily for another,
Despite the agony and rips and tears she kept on getting,
She wasn't giving up,
Not yet,
Not just yet,
Despite the sensitivity she had and the naivety of how the horrible world worked, not yet,
Not yet,
So she kept on smiling in the rain,
Maybe she find someone to kiss her in it to one day
So boys continued on with their games and she continually would lose them,
And girls…let's just say they weren't dependable people…
So off on her own,
Walking along the road alone,
And sometimes she actually preferred it to be this way

What about me?
You push, and part and now you're breaking my heart,
All for a boy who says he loves you,
So what about me?
Who was there for you when you were upset,
Who was there during those dark days, trying to get you to work,
And who was there when the seems ripped opened and you were hurt?
Yeah…So not trying to be possessive, but what about me?
And I want you to know we never fought,
I can't even remember one disagreement we had,
Our friendship was filled with sparkling smiles and fun,
But no,
I guess it was all just a fling,
Gosh **** it, I can't help but want to inflict the same pain you caused me,
Call it jealousy, but what you're doing to me is injustice
Pure and absolutely douchbaggery at it's finest,
And what do you got to say for yourself,
But a stupid little sorry,
Hell no man,
It'll take a lot more then those garish crocodile tears,
I cannot again help but be mad,
For this is not the first time i've been thrown aside,
Like just being alone is hard enough,
I just keep sliding by,
But ***,
I guess we might be done,
Although this battle you might have one,
Taking my slashed bits of my broken heart,
And breaking it into smaller pieces
I hope that's want you wanted

Yeah, I love Jesus,
You wanna know why?
Because I sin lots,
Sure I'm a Christian, but I ain't perfect,
Yet I sure get judged for my faith,
But I'm pretty sure they're all just as fake,
I got a God who loves me nonetheless,
And you know He doesn't hate gays, or the alcoholics,
Those are the ones he wants the most,
Those are the ones he came specifically to save,
The people that need love even after they fall to temptation,
Because sometimes we just can't resist,
So I may love Christ,
But I am not him,
Like at all,
I'm suppose to try to be like him,
But you know that doesn't always work out,
I fail,
And I'm publicly admitting it right now,
I'm a faulty hypocrite
Just like the rest of you,

I can't sleep...
As the clock goes tick tock,
My brain can't seem to turn off,
The sun is down,
But I'm up,
Wondering…
Thinking, pondering, dreaming,
All that crazy fun stuff about finals and what not,
And I think of you,
What will become of us,
Yeah I know thats far into the distance,
If we even last that long…
But honey I can't stop worrying,
Thats what I'm best at,
And the acid travels back into my chest,
Heart burn,
And I'm wide awake, in pain, hoping that tomorrow will get better,
I just wanna stop thinking,
Just go to sleep and let the dreams in,

I'm not some movie screen actress,
With that perfect frame fit for a queen,
Yeah,
I got my loads of imperfections.
But if you like this face and my ungracefulness,
Maybe the stars above ordained us to be more then friends,
For I got some meaty thighs,
And I'm not a 00,
And my hair has a possessed demon living in it,
Yeah I'm messy and it's unbelievable that you wanna even be with me,
But that's a nice thought,
To know that your crushing hard,
And you'll let me snuggle in your arms on occasion,
So maybe I'm too stubborn now to let you in,
Or I don't see what is so ever amazing about a girl so messed up in her head,
And your so nice and sweet and ever present,
Gosh I just want us to be together,
Maybe though if we were,
You'd finally realize how clingy I can get,
Or how the wounds in my heart have't healed quite yet.
I just don't want you or I to ever get so hurt,
Because you should know by know,
I'm so far from your idea of perfect

I try to cut, through the skin, as if it's my last effort to free my own soul from it's own pain,
The skeletal bones and tissue intertwined, wanting to break free, from such limited physicality's
Rather to feel real pain, then this goopy stuff they call emotions,
I'm entangled in a war of not my choosing,
A world, I was not made for,
And I walk aware of this,
Every, single day i'm breathing hard and the cold air ***** all the warmth from my own blood,
And I feel nothing, but darkness, ******* out my soul,
The life I once wanted,
A fairytale forgotten while I'm living this horrid nightmare,
Full of language and knowledge I could care less about,
When all I wanna do is run in fields, and soak up the ocean with my heart,
And never return to a desk if it's the last thing I do,
Freedom from driving and technology,
A phone always beeping,
Just me, myself and I,
And a God that I could see with all the stuff out of the way

How those blue eyes sparkle, like diamonds full of sapphire.
And I cannot imagine the beauty of that big heart of yours.
When mine is so black and ***** and full of soot, but you got one made out of pure flowers, blossoming in the spring time, and those veins are rooted into a body, ready to fulfill good deeds with short notice. But I'm a little bit of an ungrateful ***** at times and you deal with me. And I don't know why, or for what good reason. But you do it without asking, or requiring of me. I'm given a gift, and sometimes I can abuse it. And that's bad and I'm not sure how much you'll put up with till you finally leave like every other person I know. I use constantly, like a impaired druggie, and I know not how to stop. But your the doctor to my disease. If only you could really cure me. And I'm a shooting up, and drinking to much, wondering if you care far too much.

I just wanna be kissed by you,
Again,
Because when I did life made sense,
Not everything was so messy as they are now,
Life wasn't so scattered.
I didn't have a job or homework load as high as the mountains,
I just had you,
And that was all I needed,
Now,
I need that,
Thats all I need,
A kiss,
But not from just anybody's lips,
I wanna look up into your eyes and you automatically now that I need kissing badly,
And that feeling of knowing that life is gonna be ok and I'm gonna make it because someone else out there actually is fond of me even if I don't always look right, which is a rare occasion nowadays.
And when I'm bruised and hurt from a long day of useless work, it's ok because the warmth of your scrawny body is enough,
So just know I crave your mouth on mine,
Expressing affection that I need so **** badly,
I need more than air to keep my heart alive, for right now it's operating only on lies that boys keep trying to tell me,
"Your pretty, your perfect, your wonderful,"
In the back of my mine,
Why are they wasting my time when they barely know me…
But you know me so well, and when to kiss me, which i need right now
No matter how foolish or stupid that sounds,
I need you now
And those lips to tell me how much I matter

I wanna lie…without a thought in my ever wandering mind…in your arms…tonight
And I ask, if at all that I am wrong to want such from you
If I am crossing boundaries that should not be crossed,
Then I beg, please just forgive, the leaking heart that keeps on giving so much love to you
But if you want the same, then do not keep it hidden,
Expose that which you have been forced to withhold,
For I cannot want this gold anymore,
Too many others have a somebody,
I have a nobody, but a vain hope
And a crossing that may lead to an ending to our relationship.
It's you I've desired above all else,
You, I wanted above every dream that set my heart on fire,
Is it love?
Or am I fool for ever wanting you?
Do not answer with words!
I beg, just please hold me for a night instead,
Show that love can be a bit pure,
And that we are at least holier then those others,
But if you want only what I cannot give,
Then forgive this heartfelt confession for you were never meant to hear such sweet spoken, soft, honest words that I so mistakenly tried to give you

Love. Love isn't a rose, or a poem, or a romance novel. Love is not a kiss or a hug, or chocolate. Love is infinite, adorable, unquenchable, crazy, catastrophic, undeniably reckless.
And yet humans like to name it and control it, they try to hide it, and defend it. Love is beyond a human's understanding, love is a force and we are the bay, being kicked by it over and over again. Being washed again and again by it's beauty. But sometimes love and often love doesn't go our way. We get knocked down by love and crushed by love, and sometimes we find ourselves in love in the wrong situations. Sometimes we take advantage of love and sometimes it takes advantage of us. It's not cute and especially not at all easy, ever.

Love is a struggle, it's a mountain we climb. It's not a magic potion to solve our problems, it most of the times cause our biggest problems. Love is hard and strange. It isn't easy to handle or fun to tame. It's a puzzle, it's a novel, not a picture pic, and it's not candy, it's not flowers or cake. Every one thinks love is a disney movie, and though their classic pieces of artwork and storytelling, barely does it show real love. Love really comes after the happily ever after, when the happiness fades away people stay because of the love. We love, and love and get cracked. And we fall in love some more, because from the very first moment of our existence, we love our mothers, or whoever the hell is there to greet us as we exit our dark palace called the womb.

Love is hard to understand. Love is old, not lovely. It's bad. And painful. But the being loved and being shown love and loving another human being, despite the raw and hard days of being in loved, or not being loved. Something unexplainable happens that is sort of like a self fulfillment. The holes in our soft hearts are filled. A sort of understanding of ourselves that maybe we aren't such weird and horrible people if someone else could fancy us.

So despite the faults of love and people's poor understanding of love, it is still a emotion we cannot control, we cannot withhold our heart from. It's a wide field of dreams, a host of wonders, a deep vacancies of despair. Love is composed of hurt, mixed with a dash of adventure of being another's.
And I'm saying with love you could be a 103 and still not understand the entire entity of love. It cannot always make sense, and it will not always make sense.

So being in love is not a fairy tale, but the majority of the time a graphic novel. Love is lost kisses, lost time, broken hearts, misunderstanding, and pieces of our lives strewn together making up ourselves, pasted together by the people who we love and who love us.

Dear fall,
Be better to me then your sister summer,
She whipped and scorned me with her heat,
She made me so busy I had no time for myself,
My disappointment of her misuse of the weather made it inexplicably sad,
Oh fall be better, with your wisdom and your slow grace,
Like a woman growing old,
Do it slowly,
With your warm cider,
Your gold pumpkins and your soft cool evenings.
At first summer was my first love,
But I'm a little mad at summer,
So I'll talk to my second love fall.
Give me time to myself to think, and paint and draw,
Don't hassle me all the time as summer did and make me worry.
Treat me with love and show me more family.
For I miss them so.

Looking at my nation makes me wanna cry,
Whatever happened to so called freedom and independence you guys?
But citizens are getting greedier and demanding,
Expected to be handed money just cause of circumstances they can't control,
If I sat in my house all day,
Nothing would get done at all,
And just cause you don't have a job doesn't mean the government should reach into my pockets and
TAKE! TAKE! TAKE!
That isn't their job! But you expect it to be,
So you'll vote and vote and vote,
For Robin Hoods and supposed heroes that don't get much done,
But spend and spend and spend,
Because we all deserve equalness…
But don't you get it,
We are never equal,
God didn't make us equal and for life to be fair,
And no,
I didn't say a flaming big explosion created us all to evolve,
Please, lets stop that hopeless dream,
Like, I'm the minority for sure without a voice,
But back in 1958 it wouldn't have been my choice to remove my child from my womb,
Yet it's a sad, sad, sad world, getting worse every day,
I'm tired of not being heard my words and being called ignorant,
For I'm a well informed voter, shouting off some concerns of my own,
Don't I have the **** right as everyone else to be heard?
But there's no point if I'm not listened to, right?
If this type is never read,
Then my thoughts forever are dead,
Please don't take away my rights, to believe what I've always believed.

I do not know what to do,
But darling forgive me for not falling in love with you,
Thought you silly was I,
But no,
Just strong willed,
And you are good,
Too good,
I cannot have you still,
For I am the tempest winds of the north,
Raging with wild fire,
I yield not,
I cannot yield to you,
For I am a untamable mystery that even I myself have trouble understanding,
But I bid you adieu,
Please don't mourn me,
Treasure that which we had,
And I am a unforgivable lover who does try too hard,
Or sometimes not at all,
Perhaps I should've just given you a chance,
Though time will tell if we ever end up as one,
But please I'm a unbred stallion without a bridle I walk
And I like the space and freedom I have,
Even if it is all for naught

Lie to me,
tell me the world has happy endings and Santa Claus does exist.
Cause I cannot take this sick reality.
Of pain and hollow cores,
I just want snowflakes.
In the bitter darkness, I ache, openly. Hoping,
Where now Hope may not exist. And ergo happiness,
For where is life without love,
And love without friends,
For suddenly I dim, Unexpectedly,
Lose all expectedness,
And fall as winter may,
Cold then all at once frozen.

Love aint my thing. I don't understand it too well. The feeling is mutual. Sorry bro, but you have permanently friend zoned.
And why? You may ask. Well let me break it down. I am a GIRL.
Read my lips. Not your dude that you can just kiss every now and then. Why don't you try?
Like admit it. Do something significant.
You standing there is wasting my time. I cannot initiate.
I mean sure, let's say I did, what good would that do, or even prove.
Oh my God, you are so scared.
And it makes me want to hate you. But I stare, waiting and wishing, some confidence would grow from underneath.
Taking me within the covers of your sheets. I am not asking for a wedding ring, well least not yet.
Marriage is a long time, far into the distance.
I like my space.
If you give it to me, maybe I'll let you enter mine as well.
I cannot trust girlfriends.
They lie, they cheat, and **** my heart consistently.
Which is why I've been talking to you so I don't feel so lonely.
Why don't you take the opportunity?
Come on, get to know me!
For God sakes,
Take over,
Just a lil bit,
I don't know where to go or what to do,
Howbout you and that brain figure it out,
I don't have time to go on with these silly games…
Just ask me out already!

She was a girl with soft lips and a hard heart. One you kinda veered off from when you're next to at the mall. She was lovely specimen of perfume and paint which soaked her veins and made me enamored with her sweet perfection. And before I knew it, I was a victim of love itself. Love, one of innocence falls solemnly to its unknown vices, unaware of the pain and terrible heartache one can be trapped after loving someone. I loved her without hesitation. I loved her without holding a single song back. I loved her, with the knowledge that she may never see me throw cupid's spell that little naked babe cast on me. She was a mystery. One who kept to herself as if she had been a victim of pain brought on by the horrible tragedies that love can create. Maybe that's why I was so in love. She was a caged tiger, still incredibly beautiful yet dangerous to the touch. Only distance would protect me, but I was like a zookeeper. And distance was not an option. I could no longer look from afar. I was done with just looking. To feel her brown gold locks against my skin would be as if I'm lying china silk. To have those diamond eyes look at me with kindness and affection would be staring at the face of a cherubim. A ****** from sins of this world who would be the very one to restore my soul. I was enchanted, infected, and very much obsessed for this girl was…unfathomable and one I could only write about, so I did.

I want to meet you already,
I want your arms around my ribcage, holding me so close at night,
I want to know that you are at least around to make me alright.
I want that face to set me free, and
still allow me to do whatever I please,
I want someone around willing to take care of me,
Is that strange or selfish or just plain stupid?
Or am I just a silly 18 year wondering when her dream will finally come true.
I looked around already and I cannot find you,
Where the hell are you hiding,
Come already find me,
Ignite in within some untamable passion and roaring flames and spark electricity,
I don't care what you look like now, I just want a love to hold on to me, in my darkest hours and dreary days when I feel as if I've been abandoned, or no one really cares and no one ever really did
Just let me know, I'm safe, and sound,
Let me feel like I can express my words and be accepted,
Let me feel loved, and nurtured and touched when need be,
Let me be me,
Be the scars and the brokenness I've mended on my own,
And let me once in awhile bleed openly,
Sometimes my homemade stitches break, and I cannot control the awesome pain that comes over me,
I cry at night continuously,
So all you wonderful boys out there, I'm saving myself for one of you,
I'm longing to be yours for eternity,
I'm hoping that all my patience is not in vain and one of you can come rescue me, whether I need it or not,
I want you to come after me so quickly,

This is a poem,
This is a poem like other poems,
But this poem I dedicate to you,
And it's not a single certain somebody,
But to all of those you's,
Those you's whose dreams are just on the edge of coming true,
You see these are the you's that need to keep on going,
No matter how much life hurts you,
And with each passing day you begin to lose hope of any virtue,
You see, the you's have to keep going, have to keep on writing,
They have to keep searching,
The have to just keep breathing, no matter the pain that each inhale and exhale take,
Just don't let it break you,
You see these you's see suffer, not in vain,
But for their brilliant brains, that are like sparkling diamonds amongst the bitter cold coals that lay dead,
They are the ones who are worth it, they are the ones who see happiness, rather then ever having it,
They put it in place of something else,
The you's put up walls because their heart has already been broken,
And they won't let you in,
See they hold back everything,
For such a silly thing, like maybe hope, or healing, or if they are really crazy love,
Or maybe just someone to pay them a small bit of attention,
See these you's see the world through their own eyes,
Their own ways,
And they won't let them touch you,
And if someone whose special ruins it for them,
Well that would perhaps **** everything,
But they  wouldn't die,
They learn to somehow survive
So that's what you'll do,
You pick up the pieces they broke off and reattach,
Soon you'll be good as new
And continue chasing those silly butterflies
No matter how far away from home they fly,
I hope to God, that you's like you will still try

I love you, honestly, but for now give me peace,
Go away for awhile and let me be,
I need my brain to rest,
I love you, I truly do,
But get away from me for sometime,
I need to sorta reboot or recharge and live in absolute solitude,
Be gone I ask! Let me alone, I need to figure why I'm so emotional,
So leave me, for a moment, and come back soon!
I beg of you to let me go on my own,
I don't need people to keep my going,
I want them for awhile and then I like to live solely,
So just let me go,
Hold me, love me, then just leave to allow me to realize how much I miss you,
Go!
But don't forget me, love, don't ever forget me when I'm gone,
When I've inhabited my mind, and lost all interest in time,
I get bored, so come after me and retrieve me from all my loneliness

God I'm so thankful first off for my room.
My sanctuary,
And I cannot be more appreciative of my annoying crazy family,
Yeah they're a riot,
But more then enough for me to handle at times,
Where I be without em?
I thank you for this amazing country right now who's future appears to be a bit bleak,
But we've survived rougher times,
And I cannot be more grateful for the words I've heard you spoken to me
Even though I don't always listen,
Still you remain, always persistent,
And I need that nudge,
And God I thank you for the ten fingers and ten toes,
They all work for your glory,
Yet you still let them shove food into my mouth,
A basic simple need that I could not live without,
So I wanna thank You,
Not just today,
But every second of every hour,
I wanna lift up my hands and just say
"THANKS!"
For being the God that You are,
means a lot to me,
And no friend or lover could ever make up for the love you give me consistently,
Even when I myself are not at all deserving of it,

I don't think you'll ever understand me,
Like the way I do you,
The way I'm constantly unhappy and do the things that I do,
I lie,
And I sometimes tell too much truth,
But I still want people to like me,
I mean doesn't everybody?
Not that I'll change,
I'll stay the same of course, but I wish I wasn't just watching,
I wanna stop looking to be like you,
But being different has its vices,
No one gets it,
I may sound like an the infamous teen angst,
But really, never have I ever met another who truly gets my brain,
I'm an alienated person who likes knowing she's in control,
I won't party or drink because what if I do something that isn't me,
That's the reason though people do those things,
I'm not like that,
I sorta wanna be,
Have fun,
Every now and then,
Just throw back my cares,
For once,
Be free,
Just for a day, I don't wanna be me

I'm too tired to sleep.
Tomorrow can wait,
I wanna be up,
Wide awake,
Dreaming of again touching you,
For math books take to the back seat,
And lately I can care less about whether I should wash my hair,
Cause baby I got you to make me clean,
Take my heart and make a real man out of me,
Sure I sound a lil loopy,
But kissing you is like inhaling a drug,
I get high at the sight of your fine eyes,
Looking at me with hunger,
Oh ***, let me cook for ya food that will feed you forever,
Cause our youth at lasting,
We got time passing,
So why waste it sleeping

Maybe cause you make it so easy,
Admitting it all for me,
Yeah, that's cool that you like me an all,
I don't know why I'm so hesitant about the fall,
Well everything about you I can like.
Your tall and cute with a well built physique,
Although,
There isn't that spark, ya know?
That electricity starting,
The internal connection, that'll will create in me a more wilder heartbeat,
It ain't there, and I swear, I'm so tired of it not clicking,
You gave me the power so I can't lose,
**** it,
How dare you do that to me,
I'm a little more evil then you see,
I'll manipulate and manage that heart you've so willingly given to me,
I don't know what now,
But honey don't trust me,
These sugar coated lies, breaking me apart inside, but the truth is so tried and dried,
God,
I wish there was something that I could do,
Start on over,
Reset each other,
Pull out my plug and begin again,
Erase all the memories we had,
Like you drive me,
And I need you to keep on this charade,
Even though I may not at all feel the same,
And like you as well as you have so liked me

I'm lost,
Some time ago I lost my way,
To tv and friends and video games,
And now I lay here on my bed confused as ever and broken,
I missing the world I once held dear,
So busy have I let everything become,
Who am I and what have I done,
I'm a lost broken girl trying to overcome my own brokenness,
With my own selfishness,
And lately it hasn't been working,
I feel like a absolute failure,
I've lost my soul to this world,
this crummy god forsaken earth,
That taunts and toils away with pain and agony,
One where people get mixed up with drugs to make them feel nothing
And I feel everything,

Twist and turn me,
Rip and bite me,
Let me feel something,
All I ask,
Inspire my veins and give me reason to draw one more breath,
I ask of you,
Ignite or hurt me,
I beg of you,
Let me bore my way out of this intoxicatingly boring atmosphere
Where I can't get one **** word in,
Enrapture me with dreams and wonders,
Let me feel something of anything,
Be my muse and try to entertain my atoms,
Don't let them go to sleep.
Don't let me be tired
Entice and take me,

I like to think I got an angel with wings wrapped about me like a scarf.
It looks like a he, with bushy black hair and cold sapphire eyes,
He has a dark soul, but a good heart,
And he loves me,
Deeply cause I'm God's child, I'm property of God's
He's not gonna let anything hurt me,
And he's fun and shy. Sorta spunky. He has long lacy black wings, and arms as strong as oceans waves.
He's invisible of course though, but that's why I'm still alive, I got an angel watching out for me.