She was oil and vinegar.
She had spice up her veins. And the whole world stared as if they knew her.
"I will forever miss you"
her tattoo on her neck said, right next to the stain of lipstick that ran down her cheek.
And she didn't know love,
For girls like her are wild tigers, untamed and marvelous,
She flowed through my world,
and If only I could but touch a sent of her would I be full of magic,
For I don't know how the world turns, but I believe it flys through the sky at the bat of her eye.
And she can make all the grey go away with but a flick of a finger,
Though she's cold, like ice, I hope to one day melt her.

I am a bird without wings,
Let me fly.
And I'm struggling to find my own song,
Trying to figure it out with you,
Oh you,
You who I thought I could pour myself into like water into glass,
actually exposing who I am,
For I'm a locked box, unable to break out of my own cage,
I was within and without,
Looking inside hoping I would make up my own answers.
or continue on some rhythm that would work.
and I constantly pick and pull at the dry skin off my fingers,
feeling the blood pour out, my nervousness exposed.
Am I my nervousness, or is my nervousness just me,
cause I'm fluttering around with broken pieces,
barely sticking together so clean.
And the people I thought I connected with leave, just go,
and I'm left with my rips and tears,
dealing with the agony of their disappearance.
And I want it all to make sense but it doesn't

My computer is as messy as my mind, and is scattered with pretty pictures and blurbs of my brain I was not able to keep in.
I am wired, I am worried, I am always anxious.
And maybe cause I'm scared and worst off I'm puzzled at what's really going on inside.
I lost a friend. A good one, not to a permanent lost, but very much likely will not ever see her again.
And that hurts, like an unacknowledged bruise taking place with me completely unaware, hurting only when poking at the location of bright purple and murky blue.
I hurt for you and my sensitives nerves are all bursting and boiling and bubbled over with swollenness of being overused.
I wish I could put my heart away. I wish I could pretend I had no heart and that people would not sink there teeth into me so easily.

I wish there words wouldn't hurt and spoil me. You think by being old enough the wounds of second grade don't come back to haunt you.
For me, at least they are shadows of my past warning me every day.
It's hard to say words that don't mean anything, worst off it's harder to say words that mean everything.
I don't let others in, no I shrink from that violent force of overcoming with love, for what would I do with it.

Love only makes one lazy and fat with self content. An artist can never be happy with their rate of talent. They search and lurk for more, hoping to be better then they were the day before. That is how we right brained people think. We hurt cause we always have this little voice in our head saying we will and are never going to be good enough. That our talents are empty shots heading toward the sky, as we fall back to earth realizing we are mere mortals who cannot break the atmosphere.
And everything has changed, and nothing at all cannot stay the same. For I've seen seasons break and burst, and I tumble through them on vapid lisps of sleep that do not keep my body operating very effectively. As if hurting myself is really going to stop the change around me, that my resistance to the new will actually make it less apparent that it's all turning into something I now do not recognize. And it's hard when the change begins to become hard. I can accept change that makes me feel bubbles of happiness, but change that makes me feel lonely or sad or empty I cannot feel. Overall this summer has been the adventure that I never anticipated.
It's nice to be free. Not having to worry really about anyone else except yourself. That is being young, and my brother and sister are doing it all wrong. I cannot help but wish I could turn back their clocks and make it so they cannot grow up at all.

The definitions of girl is not ponies, not princesses, not damsel in distress. We are not dainty, dismal, damaged, needed to be saved porcelain dolls. We are not made of china. We are made as the same material as you. As you who were breathed from earth so are we. We have bone, we have skin. We have eyes and noses and ears. We just have the same materials, but our insides are warped, mystic oceans full of unwanted emotions, tidal waves of thoughts, insecurities, we are potions of explosions, bottles just about to break, yet we keep going.
Girls are not petty, not just there to be pretty. Girls are human just as you. We aren't sculptures or paintings or portraits but girls are made to bring out the beauty of this world.Beauty that is skin deep. From with in the soul and just within the realms of our hearts. We breath But first girls must love themselves or they will fall for any type of love they get. Girls are soldiers fighting a war with themselves, everyday doubting whether they are good enough, some are better at it then others, but even that is just plain vanity. Girls are sad creatures, lost unicorns, because men will not understand the horrors of being female. Yes males have it bad, but girls have it worse. Girls are seen as followers and are  not given lee way to make decisions on their own. They are considered simple and frail because men don't understand the storms that brew incessantly within our souls. Girls are not possessions that are here to make men happy. Girls want to be loved, more then anything else in the world. They don't need to be successful, some have the desire to be. But all internally struggling with the idea of if any of us are any good enough to be loved. So don't ever tell me my diet coke should not be a diet. Don't tell me I need to never wear makeup. Don't try to compliment me by telling me what to do. Don't think because you are a boy that you are able to tell me what I can and cannot do. Cause I'm as human as you and my opinions have the same amount of weight no matter how many hormones I have within my soul raging.Being hit on is just embarrassing. I'm not your toy, I'm not your treasure. I'm a person. Respect is all I ask, as the thought of how unequally I am considered to be according to your  breed. Luckily my dad never said to me you can't do that cause you are a girl. Luckily my dad loved me and showed me how to be treated. I was taught females are gonna get as much respect as they show themselves. But how bout guys you step off and let us be. I get you wanna talk to us, so talk, don't make dumb comments, don't try to flatter us in front of our bosses, don't make us feel like we are feeble and silly.  Don't tell me what I know cause you haven't taken one step in my shoes. You have never worn my skin. You don't have *****, and you cannot dare tell me how to drink, how to dress, whether I'm fat or skinny, or just the right size you have no say in how I treat my body.

I am a girl,
And I hate details.
I hate the little things in life that seem to cause so much trouble, I hate decorative pillows, accented candles, and making sure I eat some pinterest recipe meal my friend sent to me on thursday.
I don't like the minor things in life, such as cleaning, or cooking, and making sure I get to bed on time, or if my hair ever looks right.
I walk around with no makeup usually, sometimes wear the same shirt twice in a row, if my hair is semi greasy, then let it be under a hat,
I'm a girl, I won't wear the right clothes when it's 50 degrees, or I forget to take my medication so I wake up all clogged up from my allergies. I don't always eat right, and drink coffee way too much, and I don't dream of my dream wedding dress I like to think of other things that make sense to me.
I don't get upset with C's. If I passed at least I passed. I don't always make it to class, and though I wish I could be a neat freak, I can't, cause that's not me.
I am a girl who can't stand the little things in life, like perfect date nights, or pleasantly planned events, or fretting over if my earrings go with my outfit.
I like the messiness of life, unexpected relationships, random calls, winging assignments, and trying not to make everything make so much sense, It doesn't matter, not a hundred years from now, I live through the rhythms of my own heartbeat. Yes it's troublesome, and I am always late, and I quit jobs, and make irrational decisions, cause I don't like the details, I like to flow with destiny and fate and see what happens nonetheless
and I really don't like rules...

I would like to go back a thousand years ago,
just to sleep.
For I'm drenched in thoughtlessness.
I ache for some relieve.
And I'm trying, solely not to burn up.
and I do not mean to over dramatize, but I'm lost.
Which I guess is usual for being 20.
Only 20, as I eat myself up in tv shows and confusion.
And I watch the world get married and have babies, but I don't want that,
No I don't need that.
Nor do I really want that.
As profs talk as if I care, about their useless pieces of info they throw at me, except the one about dinos. I like that.
But anyways I sit and here they look at me as if I really give a ****.
I want a job. Don't they understand.
And I parked in the wrong spot today,
and the critique went bad and I overpaid on an earl grey latte and wasted my day watching friends all day.
But we all have those bad days.
And I'm trying trying trying so hard not to think bad thoughts.
But the weather is rainy, and I'm still tired. This ever longing tiredness. But I drew today. I drew my sorrows away, and no matter what those stingy profs say, I can draw. I draw to keep myself together.
I draw so I don't think the bad thoughts, to keep my jealous thoughts back at bay. So I quit making a fool of myself, the only think I know how to do is draw.
And I have a wide open summer, of no plans, or prospering, or any real progress.
Isn't that sad?
To dread your own summer.
Maybe after having summer so many times, it loses it's freedom quality. It becomes just another season to endure.
And that's sad. It's sad when you can't look forward to summer.
Cause summer was once a fantasy.
A sense of adventure accompanied summer.
And I look at summer now with a dread and inability to really be ready or excited for it.
That's really sad.
And I'm not writing to make you sad, but I'm writing out of my inability to understand this sadness.
I'm trying to hold on to something...
Maybe this sadness will pass into something I can hold onto.
And coincidently were talking about the blues...in class.
Not really helping my melancholy frankly.
I think teachers are so wrapped up in their own cynical life they like to spread it onto others.

I wanna move out to La. Not just to be a celebrity, or superstar. I wanna move out to LA cause that's where dreams come true. Right? Ohio is all dull and grey. And during the summer's it's just less grey. You see the flatlands of Ohio, and they don't inspire you. They make you feel even flatter on the inside. Less motivated. Our winter's are hard, are weather is weird, and all our brains are full of bacon and corn.
We worship football, and don't get me started about those buckeyes. That's all our states about…
But california has palm trees and stars and movies. They have my love.
For in California I felt it all, the world in my little hand. The world in my hand, I was an oyster, and california was my pearl. I was loved, and felt loved, and felt as if the world was mine. But Ohio is damp, and dark, and *****. After spring it's just less snowy. It's icky and spiritless. I'm broken and sad easily split open by the weather.

But I was touched by gold. I was given a chance to see mountains. And I wanted mountains, and that California state breeze. That breeze of a millions others who dream… and I am no different.

Heart beats,
Fingers stop,
And fire is about to ignite,
A storm approaches and I stop, wondering,
For this life is going on and on and on,
And I barely have time to really stop.
stop.
And I'm loved so vigorously by people who barely know me,
My face, my eyes, they are not mine.
But my soul eternally is,
and until I can rip out my chest with all the dust and cobwebs and corners that I hide, can I actually let you in.
Until I can actually take my ribcage and separate individual rips apart and show you the dead flowers rotting inside, You know not even the depth of me.
And they all try to know who I am, what color is my favorite and what's going on inside, But I don't let them.
Until I feel some safety. That you would neither judge or hit me could I even begin to start pulling my wrapped casings of me to expose to you.
I can't. I emotionally could never let you in, no matter how pretty you thought I was, how amazing you think my laughter is, how wonderful I can make you feel.
You know not me, How could you ever begin to know me.
For I am a novel and our relationship can only be a short story.

Love. Love isn't a rose, or a poem, or a romance novel. Love is not a kiss or a hug, or chocolate. Love is infinite, adorable, unquenchable, crazy, catastrophic, undeniably reckless.
And yet humans like to name it and control it, they try to hide it, and defend it. Love is beyond a human's understanding, love is a force and we are the bay, being kicked by it over and over again. Being washed again and again by it's beauty. But sometimes love and often love doesn't go our way. We get knocked down by love and crushed by love, and sometimes we find ourselves in love in the wrong situations. Sometimes we take advantage of love and sometimes it takes advantage of us. It's not cute and especially not at all easy, ever.

Love is a struggle, it's a mountain we climb. It's not a magic potion to solve our problems, it most of the times cause our biggest problems. Love is hard and strange. It isn't easy to handle or fun to tame. It's a puzzle, it's a novel, not a picture pic, and it's not candy, it's not flowers or cake. Every one thinks love is a disney movie, and though their classic pieces of artwork and storytelling, barely does it show real love. Love really comes after the happily ever after, when the happiness fades away people stay because of the love. We love, and love and get cracked. And we fall in love some more, because from the very first moment of our existence, we love our mothers, or whoever the hell is there to greet us as we exit our dark palace called the womb.

Love is hard to understand. Love is old, not lovely. It's bad. And painful. But the being loved and being shown love and loving another human being, despite the raw and hard days of being in loved, or not being loved. Something unexplainable happens that is sort of like a self fulfillment. The holes in our soft hearts are filled. A sort of understanding of ourselves that maybe we aren't such weird and horrible people if someone else could fancy us.

So despite the faults of love and people's poor understanding of love, it is still a emotion we cannot control, we cannot withhold our heart from. It's a wide field of dreams, a host of wonders, a deep vacancies of despair. Love is composed of hurt, mixed with a dash of adventure of being another's.
And I'm saying with love you could be a 103 and still not understand the entire entity of love. It cannot always make sense, and it will not always make sense.

So being in love is not a fairy tale, but the majority of the time a graphic novel. Love is lost kisses, lost time, broken hearts, misunderstanding, and pieces of our lives strewn together making up ourselves, pasted together by the people who we love and who love us.

Healing,
is hard, a process, steps of life to take,
it hurts, it aches,
and the break seems to slow life down to several days.
In impatience, ignore and move on, when there is still need to reprimand the hurt.
Whether it be emotional or physical,
it takes awhile before we can walk or run again.
So take a breather,
See a doctor or some medicines,
Drink herbal tea or hot coffee,
Breath,
Sigh,
Cry,
But most important pay attention to what is going on inside.
take the time to attend to the pain
It's all crazy,
This so called messy life,
Can't go on very well if injuries occur.
So heal up, watch old movies, write,
call old friends and try to feel better,
And eventually you will.

I was frightened.
Cold in bone, broken into frigidness,
Oh life how've you've hit me with a car,
And no ambulance came.
They need one for the heart,
Cause I'm trying hard not to step on the shattered glass,
And the winds of time are shaking me and I cannot break out of this twisted cage I've been thrown into.
Emotions come tumbling down like an avalanche.
A pile of rocks, tumbling on top of my head, and I ache into submission.
For what can one do when stepped on like a bug.
Their guts are spewing out from the sides, there done.
And I like that very bug I have been squashed upon.
Dreams and aspirations,
Thoughts and wonderments have been so ripped into and stolen.
I am hollow like a tree in winter, I shed my leaves,
I stand with nothing in my hands to hold,
Torn of my hair, Losing my heart, every atom inside of me screaming. The very mitochondria of my little tiny cells are slowing down. Losing any ambition to continue.
And I stand silent waiting spring comes soon.

I walk alone among my dead departed dreams,
They look like flowers broken among my trees.
How art thou, I asked them,
They reply anon.
Anon, dear flowers, anon,
For they breathe no more,
And I within them, fall, for where is the flows and fancies of this dear life,
Where is the air, where is thy sweet archaic glorious perfume?
Where art thou, Dear friends.
Dear, sweet heart pain, is now my closest companion,
How art thou? It asked, I replied, lost and confused,
Where life have you taken me

Lie to me,
tell me the world has happy endings and Santa Claus does exist.
Cause I cannot take this sick reality.
Of pain and hollow cores,
I just want snowflakes.
In the bitter darkness, I ache, openly. Hoping,
Where now Hope may not exist. And ergo happiness,
For where is life without love,
And love without friends,
For suddenly I dim, Unexpectedly,
Lose all expectedness,
And fall as winter may,
Cold then all at once frozen.

It's ok to not be ok.
What do I mean by that?
I mean it's ok to feel sad or angry or even confused.
It's ok to not feel right.
Yeah, so when you feel bad;
Just let the feelings ride up and down your spine.
Let them mingle with your heart, terrify your brain,
Because it's fine to be stressed and not everything tight and perfect. Be messy. It's what were good at.
Our sticky atoms and our multiples of molecules don't have to be in shape all the time. So cry randomly, break down and flip out,
Cause I'm telling you keeping it in, holding whatever is making you anxious is only killing you. So let it out.

Hold me in your arms,
Kiss me till dawn,
With you I can do,
Life,
Cause the world likes to see me, without scars and wrinkled skin,
I'm the supposed perfect image,
But with you I'm tousled hair and pimples,
Bruises and pain,
I'm dripping in vain with agony and I cannot show any part of that,
Or else they won't love me, And I refuse to let them in,
But you
Oh you,
Accepted and explored and challenged me,
You gave me victory and I was lost before,
Not that you found me in my woods, but you gave me comfort.
And that's all I ever needed,
Was for someone to violently and selflessly think about me everyday

This old ***** embedded into my bone,
My tibia, infused together with metal,
How wonderfully painful you become during spurts of cold weather,
And I remember you like an old heartbreak. Like a mended break up,
And I broke you over 8 years ago.
So every time the weather rains or is colder
I fell it scream in my ankle
Just like when I sniff your old cologne,
Or hug someone with arms like yours,
I'm screaming inside,
Hoping one day you'll return and take away my arthritis that is developing in my bones but also in my heart.

my eye hurts,
and I opened a diet coke,
And I'm sitting here wondering what the **** is this all worth
Cause I'm so mentally drained and obliterated with work
I just wanna suffocate
It hurts,
All around and nothing really feels entirely good,
I'm missing home
And I'm hoping tomorrow is good. And people keep acting like I'm something great when I'm the exact opposite of that,
This misery is nothing at all good,

I'm mad and upset, why god oh why,
Did you curse man,
and now we have disease and work,
And school,
Oh how could you,
Despite your prolific love and adoration of us,
You drag us through the mud to somehow see some **** light,
Well God I can't quite see anything through this ****,
And frankly I'm tired and worn and sad,
And so sad, and nobody really gets it,
I would give her all the blood I had,
Just to heal her, just to give some hope to a life that needs it,
Why couldn't I had lost all my hair?
Or go through those god awful treatments they call chemo,
what is so wrong with you,
Letting the devil get away with such evil,
And I feel so powerless,
and you have all the power yet you abuse it,
I'm so ready to just to cave in to the world,
But somehow I'm still in love with you,
for some ******* reason, You spark my heart, and i'm not quite yet willing to completely let go,
I just hope you know what your doing,
Cause I don't have the slightest clue

I feel like over chewed gum,
Dried and loss of flavor I've become,
I'm a broke rubber band,
A piece of string with no purpose,
And I'm hanging on by this tiny piece of thread,
clinging onto the mouth of my bed,
A loose tooth,
Wanting to be set free,
Yet holding on with it's hole entirety.
I'm a broken frame, a car low on fuel, and I'm breaking into two different lifeforms,
I am halves

Twist and turn me,
Rip and bite me,
Let me feel something,
All I ask,
Inspire my veins and give me reason to draw one more breath,
I ask of you,
Ignite or hurt me,
I beg of you,
Let me bore my way out of this intoxicatingly boring atmosphere
Where I can't get one **** word in,
Enrapture me with dreams and wonders,
Let me feel something of anything,
Be my muse and try to entertain my atoms,
Don't let them go to sleep.
Don't let me be tired
Entice and take me,

Dear fall,
Be better to me then your sister summer,
She whipped and scorned me with her heat,
She made me so busy I had no time for myself,
My disappointment of her misuse of the weather made it inexplicably sad,
Oh fall be better, with your wisdom and your slow grace,
Like a woman growing old,
Do it slowly,
With your warm cider,
Your gold pumpkins and your soft cool evenings.
At first summer was my first love,
But I'm a little mad at summer,
So I'll talk to my second love fall.
Give me time to myself to think, and paint and draw,
Don't hassle me all the time as summer did and make me worry.
Treat me with love and show me more family.
For I miss them so.

I am wounded. Seared with scars of broken dreams, scattered across my own galaxy and I fear they will continue to stomp into the dust, unable to be renewed. And I am fearful of my future, so grave and hard to grasp. What am I even working so **** hard for? And why? Will it even come to pass? And my heart is weary and head is full of thoughts and I wish I had some small time to stop. Just to really grasp whats going on and how to stop the constant noise. And let my thoughts settle like the bottom of my ocean. Just to work my way through things, to get to know them and understand and to stop the constant madness. I cannot handle on my own. But still it goes on like the waves of an ocean, with a very hide tide.

I'm cold and weary and tired,
I want sleep,
and sleep and sleep

in the unwritten tattooed scars from your wounds,
I wonder…
how could they hurt you
I imagine your pain to be beyond skin deep,
written within your pores and moles
a bandage could not conceal,
that pain,
A voice that cannot be unheard.
But a broken bird crying in the dark
instilling a hurt that will burn

I don't really wanna be here, stuck in this cocoon. But I'm left inside trying to bleed and fight and hold it all together when all my atoms want to do is suffocate and die.

I know not what to do or where to go,
But I know that peace is my prosperity,
Yes,
In the land of noise and attacks of loud invigorating people
I prefer quietness.
Without disturbance.
A land of thoughts quelling in my mind like a storm
About to ring wonderful ideas of brilliance that even I cannot prepare for.
And I wait...

I want the winds of my mind to take flight again,
Think as I want and do as I please,
Drawing my worries away,
With a freedom I once possessed,
Let me live once more
Without such stress,
Let me be as I want,
Entangled in my own infection of thoughts that even I cannot unravel on my own.

Give me back my shell,
My hole of comfort and understanding.
Where I face not the hard and weary world,
Give me time to myself,
A me time that only I can comprehend.
I wanna rip the cord of constant connection and just let the thoughts and soul settle like the bottom of the ocean.
I wanna just relax and be able to be myself,
ALONE,
Without another,
And nobody seems to get that very well
At least not anyone I know,
So if anybody were to love me they need to understand this,
I'm a half introvert,
And that half needs some time to recover at times

Yes,
I believe in outrageous crazy,
GUT WRENCHING LOVE,
But for me I can wait.
I aint a girl whose willing to jump yet,
MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR ME,
I mean it's great to see people who love somebody so much they are willing to put up with their crap ever single day!
And take up their annoyingness and their idiosyncrasies like their PB and J sandwich.
But I like my solitude, my emptiness is not hollow.
My emptiness is a passion, a dream, that I have to follow,
Even into the dark shadows where no one will go,
I have to
And I mean maybe one day I'll let someone in, but not today,
NOT EVER,
For I cannot bear the pain to pierce another's heart like once was mine,
For love is one of humanities only holiness, yet purest follies.

I,

awake,
Barely,
head hurting,
Knees bending,
And I cannot greet the day, just not yet,
Exhausted,
Looking for a cup of liquid black gold to heal my soul,
Maybe a good book to give me good thoughts and a sunshine to help me know I am alive.
Another day,
Of maybe more heartache,
But who knows,
Now I'm sitting and typing wondering,
If I'll ever be a somebody,

I don't want a job.
NO.
Like money can stop interfering with me.
I rather would not work for a living,
But I wanna draw and color the world in pictures of it's own discourse and make my world a piece of mastery one can admire,
But I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place to make the payments on apartments and college tuition that keeps rising,
And my knee hurts and I don't wanna deal with customers,
There made of fire and ice, willing to burn me or quick to give a cold and uneasy shoulder,
It's not at all fun,
I just wanna swim all day and think of life,
My mind is full of mystical mysteries to which I have yet to discover,
People to meet and pictures to create,
Something I haven't had any time to do, And I feel like a stump,
Broken and cut down in it's good prime of life,
I'm weaken by the roots,
Discolored and suffering with grief,
Who am I? What is my job and who am I to be,
should I live in BG, or should I make my own path without professors and lessons and a degree that will make me so indented and wittle my brain to complete nothing,
with all that coffee,
I'm so stressed with the complexities and anxieties that life seems to throw at me, envying my sister for her talents in photography,
And what do i have?
nothing but a smile to give guys who treat me nice for awhile then leave,
i guess I am a nothing but a face,
I can draw,
Sometimes, lately it's been in vain and I feel nothing,

Summer where is the sweet freedom I once knew,
The precious youth to spend all my nights doing what I wished,
Those moments I could go back to  being kissed wet after rain,
Why can I not be released to do what I please,
I feel as if God is punishing me,
And I'm frustrated cause I have no time,
Or energy,
To spread my achy wings and fly,
But anyone can be compared to a bird,
I though have a song to sing,
A book to write and a life to really start living,
I can't put up with all these wasteful things,
Like working and sleeping and worry,
Summer is a season of no cares, yet I'm carrying my huge load which I need to finally let down.
Cause I have no control of anything
and that is what makes me anxious most of all

Being a girl is rough and often ***** life out of me, and to be told I need just be a cook is rather insulting whether a joke or not. I will take what you've said seriously cause it already means your bigotry leaped from the brain to your vocal chords which leaves me in silence. I know, matters not what you think but overall society has women in chains. Though we have freedoms we are not free from being hit on, picked up, and constantly berated for not being perfect. From society's view to the churches I'm not satisfied to hear such ignorant misconceptions, I'm not a housewife nor will I lower myself to strip down to my bare skin when I go outside in a bikini, I'm a woman making her own path with her own God trying to figure out who she was made to be, and you pointing at me is not helping, so I don't know how to cook or clean or really know how to do laundry, but I can write verses of about this perverse world and I can make friends and say what I think and know that I am so much more than my face, and that I deserve a man that respects my love of independence. So if at all you are offended just know that I'm entitled to my opinion that I can be so much more then a wife but still there is a lot of honor in that

You,
You and those pale blue eyes of a full moon,
How I cannot stop thinking of you,
For some reason you've entered my mine like a scar on my body,
There is no erasing or forgetting,
I've locked you into my heart,
I cannot bear to think of letting go,
The infection has spread and I've been shot by cupid's bow,
But our fairytale is beginning to end,
You are not the once you I first met,
And I'm hurt and terribly mistaken I fell for a ruse,
A **** ruse of promise,
Now I'm alone and unsure of what I've gotten into,
A long summer ahead, of fear and unsurity of what next step I may have to take,
I don't wanna lose you, just win what I somehow lost,
I wanna whisper lost secrets in the edges of the night,
And look towards a morning of more you, The you I once knew,
Please make it all come back soon

Would you still love me if my sea blue green eyes were puddles of icky brown like gas station toilet water,
Would you still love me if my locks of autumn sun kissed hair follicles fell off my head like they do seasonally,
Would you love me if my skin was orange like bright cheeto puffed style, and would you still love me if I had no nose,
Would you still love me when I'm sad and unconsolable,
With tears running down my eyes like the waters off niagra,
Would you still love me if I died,
Like not existed anymore,
Would you even cry,
And would you love me if I had no value to this world,
If everyone hated me and ran from me like a squirrel, Would you still love this pathetic girl, If she was all that she set out to be but couldn't. Would you still love her like you do,
Would you love me for all my ugly faults I cannot change.

I'm lost,
Some time ago I lost my way,
To tv and friends and video games,
And now I lay here on my bed confused as ever and broken,
I missing the world I once held dear,
So busy have I let everything become,
Who am I and what have I done,
I'm a lost broken girl trying to overcome my own brokenness,
With my own selfishness,
And lately it hasn't been working,
I feel like a absolute failure,
I've lost my soul to this world,
this crummy god forsaken earth,
That taunts and toils away with pain and agony,
One where people get mixed up with drugs to make them feel nothing
And I feel everything,

I cannot fathom what I be without you,
Whether you like me drinking coffee or not,  
But this year has been surreal.
I was not catered to like a child anymore,
Except by you.
Now they treat me like I'm some cranky grown up when I'm an infectious spirit of energy with life and love all bundled up inside.
All they ask from me is money, or work that I can't do,
But you asked for nothing,
I'm nothing but a simple child with the title of adult.
And I don't think I'll ever be really use to that term.
I've seen how horrible this world really is, and how fragile friendships are.
And for some reason you stayed,
Despite my fits and sadness.
And maybe that's just it,
maybe that's all I really need is one person,
Who just accepts my flaws and all,
Indefinitely

I heard you in the darkness with those white lips,
Whispering my name,
Like a heart beat under your breath.
Despite the howling cold winds and the sheer pounding of rain drops,
It all made sense,
And I couldn't stand their anymore on that porch deck, listening to you say my name over and over again,
So I ran far away,
Hoping not to hear it again,
But you kept after me,
I heard the voice again and again,
Driving me absolutely crazy,
With pain,
I cried in vain,
Wondering if I be ever let alone,
But no,
You pursued cause I was worth the chase,
Until I accepted your embrace,
And I caved,
Knowing that would finally stop the **** rain

I don't know what to write or say, my brain is losing its own mind, and my heart lost its way.
Summer started and I crashed into a whole new dimension of sweet intoxicating freedom. But the perfumes were overwhelming and I was scared with all this boundless time.
I searched for friends, but they were no where to be found. And because of this change, I took it out on the one person who never left. Badgering him to be something he wasn't. I was bored and done. Lost in love and wondering who I had become. He was gone to, for some of the time. I knew not what to do, or where to go, or who to even talk to. I felt like a caged animal who had finally be rereleased into the wild, forgetting how to behave its natural way. I withdrew into my security and fought the outside for it kept trying to **** me. I had let my hair run wild, and I didn't wake up till about noon. I was lost, and I felt like a *** off the street without a job. And I struggled to figure out who I was and what was my purpose in life, especially that right now. Right now when life seem to be drifting by and I had all the time in the world, but had nothing to fill it with.

Im a useless bag of bones.
Broken in agony.
With a heart that doesn't wanna beat anymore.
My stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm so lost,
Worried, with the stress going on,
And I don't know how to fair anymore.
I just wish I knew what to do,
Cause right now I don't know how to breathe, regularly,
Its getting so scary.

She was a lost girl, riddled in a lost world, wondering what was up or down. And I knew the path she might've taken if it weren't for my mistakes. I loved her, honestly I did. Without control or any logic in my mind I wanted her to be mine. But she ran like a little scared deer, a fawn in the woods. I had nothing but a bow. With my arrow I withdrew and shot that pure heart of gold. She fell to me, and I was her downfall ready to slaughter. Oh that pure fairy that lay there with her broken wings. How foolishly I strung my bow so quick. Love was our folly and I was a fool lost to it's power. How dangerously I licked the flames of those lips. To poisonous for my mouth to grip, I was overtaken with a lust I could not contain. I was so confused and then shot with pain. How could I let love take on me this way. My brain died and my heart was fried, I'm a lover lost to his own demise. And we fought and cursed each other with words we can't deny. I left her. With the arrow still within the blades of her shoulder, never to return again, but forever she'll have my heart and my bow. Never will I string another arrow.

I wanna write all that you mean to me,
But that would take a trillion years,
A million pages,
A thousand life spans to get across,
Even when I wanna throw you across the room,
I'm enamored with sweet contagious affection of some demented kind,
I don't ever wanna hurt you.
And when I do, I feel hurt as well, Like someone bit my own arm off. It's like a self inflicted wound, by of course accident,
I didn't mean to cut the tip of my pinkie off, but when i did, it felt just like the time when I got you mad at me,
Cept 1 million times worse,
And if I dare one day see tears drip from thine own eyes, I **** the ***** that started the trickle, even if from me,
For you mean that much to me,
Not even my own life is worth saving, or caring about,
forget about me, for you consume all my days, every hour even the meaningless boring seconds I waste waiting for you,
They consist of you,
For you are the very essence of me
every little tiny atom was made for you

Don't stop.
Whether if your just starting, or about to be finished.
Keep going.
Even when life bangs you upside the head with accidents you couldn't have predicted.
Don't you dare even think of stopping.
I know the road is rough, but even roses have thorns.
And they'll stick into your skin and make you wanna stop.
Don't be tempted to.
Soon the sun will shine, and you'll see diamonds again.
Life will get better, maybe not today or tomorrow but soon.
Even after you failed that math class, or lost that job, know that it'll improve, somehow, someway. Don't lose hope.
Don't stop. Ever.

I feel like its a cancer
growing inside of me,
Deep within the caverns of my calloused heart,
and I can do nothing but feel
Pain
that hallow ache
of nothingness
And the fact I can do nothing,
No word i mutter, no act I do, not a single element of my existence can cure you,
and therefore
I cannot help but bleed within, without stopping,
I cannot be anymore hurt,
Hemorrhaging inside,
Knowing that you have a disease out of my control,
All I can do is watch and pray,
Hoping one day it'll pass away

How I'm fragile,
And all around me the earth burns,
With a fire,
An all intense power,
I watch with a heart broken,
Watch with eyes bent to heaven,
As all the others look to hell,
Not any feeling or word of mine could help,
But I watch, untouched, yet inside I could only imagine the burns

Brandon,
I'm sorry that I wake up late,
I'm sorry I'm sad a lot,
I wish I could have your smile,
when things look so bleak,
You mean a lot to me,
Unfortunately I'm a ******* up emotional wretch,
ramming her head into walls,
Not knowing what to do next,
And right now its worse, cause I feel like I'm carrying the world on my back,
And its about to break my own neck,
And I worry too much,
I just want it to all end,
Heck, I need some real good medicine,
And funny thing is I still can't stop thinking about you,
Turns out,
I'm not that tough as I act,
I'm a china glass doll ready to crack,
I'm sorry for today,
And the tears I shed,
Its probably the weather or this cold or something,
We'll get through it together,

I'm nervous about nothing,
Is that even possible, or normal?
I'm worried.
And I'm worried that something will make me worry more,
I'm stressed to the test
I feel like I'll shatter,
Like a glass window,
In pieces I'll fall,
Someone out there, hear my plead,
Catch me,
Cause my mind is being murdered by thoughts
Like roaring ocean waves,
Back and forth,
Breaking me like the beach,
I'm being ebbed away by my own inner shore,
So help before I become my very own enemy

When there is pain in your chest and your not sure what to do next,
And you feel like the whole world is about to cave in,
Like someone ripped out an ***** or two and replaced it with fire,
Like hot lave, burning in your once cold hard veins,
And your not happy,
Like every inch of you is on the edge of tears,
Or breaking down into the atoms that can't seem to stick together,
And you feel like you got nothing to do,
Or you have so much to do, you don't know where to start,
And taking another breath,
Just hurts,
Like ******* in pine needles,
Puncturing your lungs,
And even air has become your very enemy,
Even your friends can't stand you,
And you can't even begin to stand them,
Cause they all got lives now, that you are not apart of,
You just watch,
Like an outsider,
A frightened spectator of taking a few risks every now and then,
That's what it feels like today

Break rules,
Burn houses,
Let them hate you,
Cause they already are going to,
Be wild,
Be messy,
Don't let them tell you what you can and cannot do,
When they go left,
Go right,
Make a path,
Unbridle your soul,
And hurt,
Don't be so **** afraid,
This earth is so young,
Have fun,
And don't listen to all the dream crushers,
The teachers, the professors,
Rip out pages of books,
And run wild, be an untamable life,
Enlightened those surrounded you,
Nobody got anything done by following laws,
They followed the stars and won

An ode to fast food,
Oh how I loathe you,
Your hot french fries,
And complaining customers,
That I wish to smack,
Their oh so very fat ***.
The managers are ******,
They need to be relocated to a mental hospital.
One is a furious druggie, with hair that is not so pretty,
And the other is a fat cat, who pretends to be a girl, when he clearly is not at all that,
Oh food that is fast, how thou will not last anymore in my life,
I bid adieu to you, and the burgers,
How'll not miss the times I've cried from working with some miserable *******,
Goodbye for now,
The times were not fun,
How I'll never miss running off to work,
Because I have always hated you.