Yes,
I believe in outrageous crazy,
GUT WRENCHING LOVE,
But for me I can wait.
I aint a girl whose willing to jump yet,
MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR ME,
I mean it's great to see people who love somebody so much they are willing to put up with their crap ever single day!
And take up their annoyingness and their idiosyncrasies like their PB and J sandwich.
But I like my solitude, my emptiness is not hollow.
My emptiness is a passion, a dream, that I have to follow,
Even into the dark shadows where no one will go,
I have to
And I mean maybe one day I'll let someone in, but not today,
NOT EVER,
For I cannot bear the pain to pierce another's heart like once was mine,
For love is one of humanities only holiness, yet purest follies.

I,

awake,
Barely,
head hurting,
Knees bending,
And I cannot greet the day, just not yet,
Exhausted,
Looking for a cup of liquid black gold to heal my soul,
Maybe a good book to give me good thoughts and a sunshine to help me know I am alive.
Another day,
Of maybe more heartache,
But who knows,
Now I'm sitting and typing wondering,
If I'll ever be a somebody,

I don't want a job.
NO.
Like money can stop interfering with me.
I rather would not work for a living,
But I wanna draw and color the world in pictures of it's own discourse and make my world a piece of mastery one can admire,
But I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place to make the payments on apartments and college tuition that keeps rising,
And my knee hurts and I don't wanna deal with customers,
There made of fire and ice, willing to burn me or quick to give a cold and uneasy shoulder,
It's not at all fun,
I just wanna swim all day and think of life,
My mind is full of mystical mysteries to which I have yet to discover,
People to meet and pictures to create,
Something I haven't had any time to do, And I feel like a stump,
Broken and cut down in it's good prime of life,
I'm weaken by the roots,
Discolored and suffering with grief,
Who am I? What is my job and who am I to be,
should I live in BG, or should I make my own path without professors and lessons and a degree that will make me so indented and wittle my brain to complete nothing,
with all that coffee,
I'm so stressed with the complexities and anxieties that life seems to throw at me, envying my sister for her talents in photography,
And what do i have?
nothing but a smile to give guys who treat me nice for awhile then leave,
i guess I am a nothing but a face,
I can draw,
Sometimes, lately it's been in vain and I feel nothing,

Summer where is the sweet freedom I once knew,
The precious youth to spend all my nights doing what I wished,
Those moments I could go back to  being kissed wet after rain,
Why can I not be released to do what I please,
I feel as if God is punishing me,
And I'm frustrated cause I have no time,
Or energy,
To spread my achy wings and fly,
But anyone can be compared to a bird,
I though have a song to sing,
A book to write and a life to really start living,
I can't put up with all these wasteful things,
Like working and sleeping and worry,
Summer is a season of no cares, yet I'm carrying my huge load which I need to finally let down.
Cause I have no control of anything
and that is what makes me anxious most of all

Being a girl is rough and often ***** life out of me, and to be told I need just be a cook is rather insulting whether a joke or not. I will take what you've said seriously cause it already means your bigotry leaped from the brain to your vocal chords which leaves me in silence. I know, matters not what you think but overall society has women in chains. Though we have freedoms we are not free from being hit on, picked up, and constantly berated for not being perfect. From society's view to the churches I'm not satisfied to hear such ignorant misconceptions, I'm not a housewife nor will I lower myself to strip down to my bare skin when I go outside in a bikini, I'm a woman making her own path with her own God trying to figure out who she was made to be, and you pointing at me is not helping, so I don't know how to cook or clean or really know how to do laundry, but I can write verses of about this perverse world and I can make friends and say what I think and know that I am so much more than my face, and that I deserve a man that respects my love of independence. So if at all you are offended just know that I'm entitled to my opinion that I can be so much more then a wife but still there is a lot of honor in that

You,
You and those pale blue eyes of a full moon,
How I cannot stop thinking of you,
For some reason you've entered my mine like a scar on my body,
There is no erasing or forgetting,
I've locked you into my heart,
I cannot bear to think of letting go,
The infection has spread and I've been shot by cupid's bow,
But our fairytale is beginning to end,
You are not the once you I first met,
And I'm hurt and terribly mistaken I fell for a ruse,
A **** ruse of promise,
Now I'm alone and unsure of what I've gotten into,
A long summer ahead, of fear and unsurity of what next step I may have to take,
I don't wanna lose you, just win what I somehow lost,
I wanna whisper lost secrets in the edges of the night,
And look towards a morning of more you, The you I once knew,
Please make it all come back soon

Would you still love me if my sea blue green eyes were puddles of icky brown like gas station toilet water,
Would you still love me if my locks of autumn sun kissed hair follicles fell off my head like they do seasonally,
Would you love me if my skin was orange like bright cheeto puffed style, and would you still love me if I had no nose,
Would you still love me when I'm sad and unconsolable,
With tears running down my eyes like the waters off niagra,
Would you still love me if I died,
Like not existed anymore,
Would you even cry,
And would you love me if I had no value to this world,
If everyone hated me and ran from me like a squirrel, Would you still love this pathetic girl, If she was all that she set out to be but couldn't. Would you still love her like you do,
Would you love me for all my ugly faults I cannot change.