I knew at a young age that I was good at pretending.
Pretending to be clueless -
When these so-called "adults" talk
About me like they foresee
My entire future.
They called me names.
They called my mother a ****
for bearing me at a young age;
They called me a **** who
holds the same future as her.
That I will never achieve anything
That I will never be someone.

I was 7 then when I knew
I was good at pretending.

How could ignorant ******* be considered human?
They do nothing but talk endlessly
about anything and anyone
as if keeping their mouth shut
is a mortal sin they cannot afford.

They do nothing; they think nothing;
I could say they're nothing -
but I am not one pretentious **** to
say that when I'm already 22 and
still writing about their atrocities
and nothingness -
but that's all they are.
They're humans; they talk
Like they know who I am.
Like they know I will be.
Like they know anything?

kaya mo bang lumangoy?
handa ka ba sa posibleng taas ng alon,
sa posibleng lalim na kailangang lusubin?
kaya mo bang mag-isa?
sa gitna ng malawak na asul na katubigan,
sa posibleng pag-iba ng simoy ng hangin -
kaya mo bang umunawa?
kaya mo bang sabayan ang alon?
kakayanin mo bang sumubok?
sa kalaliman ng tubig,
kapag naramdaman mo ang lamig,
sa iyong paningin,
mayroon bang pagsisisi?

Isang gabi, ginising mo 'ko nang alas-nuwebe -
Ang sabi mo sa'kin:
"Gising na. Kain ka na. Mahuhuli ka na sa trabaho."
Ginising mo 'ko sa mahigpit **** yakap,
Sa labi **** dumadampi sa bawat parte ng aking mukha.

Lumabas tayo ng kwarto, tumuloy sa lamesa.
Nakahanda na ang pagkain, at bumalik ka sa pagbabasa.
Tinitigan kita -
Dahil alam kong pagod ka rin, sumusubok din katulad ko.
Kaya't nilapitan kita't niyakap, pinasalamatan:
"Thank you. Mahal kita."

At kung sa mga susunod na taon, ganito ang paggising ko:
mahigpit na yakap mula sayo; matatagal na halik; pag-aalaga at pag-intinding hindi  kailangang hingin; at pagmamahal na sigurado.

Sa mga susunod na taon, kung bibigyan ng pagkakataon, patuloy kitang ipagtitimpla ng kape,
Patuloy kitang ipagluluto ng kahit anong putaheng gusto mo;
Patuloy kitang sasamahan sa simbahan kada Linggo;
Patuloy kitang ipagdarasal;
Patuloy kitang susuportahan sa landas na gusto **** tahakin;
Patuloy kong mamahalin at kikilalanin lahat ng mahal mo; at
Patuloy kitang ipapakilala sa mundo.

At sa mga susunod na taon, kung bibigyan ng pagkakataon -
Patuloy kitang pipiliin.
Patuloy kitang mamahalin.

Through the years, I have existed in silence -
I have existed in the silent corners of my room,
Waiting for something I am not quite certain of.
I have existed in unfamiliar rooms,
Living with people I am not quite acquainted with.
Through the years, I was silent -
Was it because of nature? or maybe, nurture?
Was I a silent kid or was I a kid who was silenced?
Through the years, there was nothing but thoughts and words,
they would overflow,  overpower me.
In the corners of my room are crumbled papers;
In the unfamiliar rooms are shaky hands and heart palpitations.
For the years to come, we do the same, we wait -
but no, not in silence, not inside the familiarity of the corners of the room.
For the years to come: we speak, we shout.
For the years to come, we live.