My sister says I like to dwell
In my sad heart broken place ...it’s true....love singing Beyoncé I build sandcastles and cry 😭 while I wash the dishes and drive everyone insane around me singing and crying and crying and singing....wanting everyone to feel my pain as their ears 👂 bleed listening to me and the same song on repeat for a whole year mourning a relationship that was never a relationship to begin with

I wish you knew
How much I miss you
And wish I could call
But do not wanna be called the girl
Who didn't have a clue
So I quietly wish you knew
How much I miss you
And wish you would call
I pinch myself telling myself you don't care at all
Helps me cope trying to move forward
But I wish you knew it wasn't or isn't easy for me
Because I wish you knew how hard I try to hold on to you
Didn't realize till it was too late that I was acting crazy
but the whole time you were mine
But I pushed you away
And I wish you knew
I only wanted you to stay
To hold me
And tell me how much you care
Just wanted a minute of your day
Even wish for a second to be in your presences
because that is how much I miss you

A glimpse of your face would change my world

But I guess you will never know how much I truly care

But i won't say and I only say I wish you knew

I wish you could see me right now
Laying with my eyes wide open
Proud of the small things I have done
But I smile like I ve won
Something worth talking about
But really it was just me on overdrive
To get job done
Only hoping to pass the test to all this hard work could pay off for the rest
Holding my breath till the inspection done
Than and only than can I close my eyes and put myself to rest
For the week has been long
My hands are tired
And my mind has been tangled in too many thoughts
Just would like to step away from it all
And stress a little less

I wish you could see me right now
Laying with my eyes wide open
Proud of the small things I have done
But I smile like I ve won
Something worth talking about
But really it was just me on overdrive
To get job done
Only hoping to pass the test to all this hard work could pay off for the rest
Holding my breath till the inspection done
Than and only than can I close my eyes and put myself to rest
For the week has been long
My hands are tired
And my mind has been tangled in too many thoughts
Just would like to step away from it all
And stress a little less

I listen to sad music
It eases this pain deep with in me
One is the longing to be held
Loved adored
Needing to feel more
I tell no one exactly how I feel
Except God
because his the only one
who keeps it real
Plus my words will not be taken out of context  
Nor used against me
I hurt a different type of hurt
I hide it in this poem
Hoping someone feels me
Or wont feel me at all
But its a remedy that eases me

Mind is full
With a constant reminder of you
Forever alone
Wondering why
I could never get this right
Passion shot  me in the back
Forever traumatized me
And don't know
if I  could get my face off the ground
And I blame my overthinking ***
For driving you away
And yet I think about you everyday
And I reap what sow
And hurt like no body will ever know
But I am quiet
and trying to keep my composure
And accept things as they are
So I can move forward
And not repeat the same mistakes
And May I learn  to love again

LORD DO YOU HEAR ME??
I'VE BEEN LOST IN THE DARKNESS
BEEN FEARFUL AND CONSTANTLY AFRAID BECAUSE
MY FAITH HAS BEEN LOW
AND I HAVE BEEN HIDING IN SHAME
BECAUSE I FORGOT TO CALL UPON YOUR NAME
NOW I LiE AWAKE THINKIN OF ALL MY CRAZY MISTAKES
JUST HAVEN'T BEEN MYSELF LATELY
LORD CHANGE ME
BECAUSE YOUR THE ONLY ONE I KNOW WHO COULD
CHANGE MY BAD HABITS AND HELP ME FROM REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKES
MAKE Me Better
Thank you in the name of Jesus Christ AMEN