I hate death
The slow menancing presence
Always there
Biding its time
Counting down the time for us all
Not letting us in on the big secret
Not even a hint
Just culling us when he deems our time has come

My beautiful Nan
She's given up
She's not fighting anymore
She's ready to be taken
She's awaiting her flight leaving
She's lost her lust for life
She doesn't see all that's beautiful
Just darkness and misery within her mind

Her time is coming
She's wishing it here
She would probably be excited if she could muster the strength
Like children wish for Christmas
We all know he's coming
Like an unwanted family member
Never invited but has to come

He will arrive when we least expect him
Sneak in and take her from under our noses
She will walk hand in hand with this well known stranger
Enter the house I call home
Like a thief and take my most precious possession

The ticking of the clock counting down her time
Counting down our time with her
Removing the batteries changes nothing
Every minute, a minute less
Wiping tears away, calling out 'Cup of Tea, Nan?'
Hoping she will answer

When the wind blows from the front,
You'll feel the nostalgia,
Hear the hustle and bustle of fishermen,
Crunching cockle shells under their boots,
Smell the sweet smelling tobacco from pipes,
The toil and hardwork heavy in the air.

Knocking you from the moment,
A faked tan man with a chihuahua,
Hear the cackle of faked laughter,
Clattering of stilletto heels upon cobbles,
Smell the alcohol laced ***** spilling from mouths,
The fruits of labour heavy in the air.

A lonely singular flower stands
Inbetween one fully grown tree, luscious in colour, ripe in fruit and full of life
And one new sapling sprouting its first leaves in exploration, a whole journey ahead

The flower moves in the slightest breeze
Feel isolated
In all weathers
Insular
Alone

The trees whilst varying in their size have strength in numbers to weather the storms
They are solid to the core
They protect themselves

Their roots stretch far and wide and hold onto the flowers tiny roots
Their stature shades the flower from the harshness of all that is out there
They bathe in her strength and individuality
The flower adores how they make her feel safe and welcome

The flower is never alone

Sat upon the stone steps of my nanny's house,
Reggae playing loudly in the street,
The heartbeat of the people,
The heart beat in my chest,
Children with braided hair skipping in rhythm,
The trundling bakery van drives up the hill selling loaves and rolls for a few cents,
Aunties warm husky voice calling them for ices and mango,
The clip clop of flip flops and the jingle of beads mixed with laughter,
Brilliant white teeth,
Wide dark eyes,
A sea of noise, constant noise,
In a city, in London, this would be infuriating,
And yet all I feel here is happiness.

She calls herself Ethel Du May if you were to ask
But it's not her name, not really,
Even she's not sure what it is anymore

Metal framed glasses with a wonky arm
Skin like crepe paper coated in a layer of polyfilla
With rouge a plenty upon her cheeks, her lips and teeth

Her petite frail frame drowning in gaudy colours and faux fur
Rows upon rows of beads wrapped tightly round her neck
Long pointed red talons, the only decoration upon her delicate fingers

Sitting at the bus stop awaiting the number 21 to town
The time, quarter past nine, she sits and waits
Pressing her menthol cigarette to her lips and tutting looking at her watch

A designer handbag placed upon her lap filled with secrets
Boiled sweets, an address book, anais anais perfume
A hip flask of sherry, metal handcuffs and a spare pair of knickers

She smiles at strangers, at no one, at memories
She's lived a life you only read about in storybooks
And poems

A tear escapes her icy blue eyes
It runs silently down her cheek
Nothing else gives her away
Her smile set on full beam,
Set within her porcelain face,
Her eyes wide and bright,
But this tear, escaping.

She does not motion to wipe it away
Her hands holding his loosely
She does not turn away from your gaze
You've seen it and she knows
Silence speaking volumes between lovers
The facade amongst companions

His face is white with fear
He cannot hide his emotions,
He is as white as the dress she is wearing
Her wedding dress,
Virginal apart from there
There,
Where the fabric has turned claret

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tick
Tick*

Clock watch
Tap your foot impatiently
Waiting for it to come
Counting the minutes
Bored of counting the minutes
Bored of waiting
Bored of boredom

Day dreaming of escaping the monotony
The masses of uniformed clones
Wearing what they're told to by the media
Doing what they're told to do by society
Too scared to question
Living to work
Doing the same day in, day out

The train pulls in the platform
A little late as expected
Packed as expected
Silent as expected
Dead eyes staring out
A glimmer of hope extinguished in each one
Dreams gone but surely not completely forgotten

Run, run, run as fast as you can
Run from your boredom
Run for your life
Run to save your life
Be the colour in a greyscale world
Make the most of every minute
Do things that make you happy
Work to live
Live

Held close to the breast of their surrogate mother
Lush green meadows of her rolling countryside upon their soft cheeks
Their hunger fed by the neverending food of the land

The rhythmic waves of the oceans gently rocking them to sleep
The song of 1million birds, lullabies to their beautiful ears
Soothing their cries as they watch the stars come out, nature's night lights

Upon the stars I gaze at night
Tears running down my face
As I search for a mere glimpse of you
My children of the night

I awake from dreams of you
Thinking of nothing but
Functioning hard, my brain focused on desire
It's only just morning and its there
But I will have to wait

The need gets more intense
This more than want
I need to taste you
To feel you
To smell you
But I will have to wait

I check the clock
My heart leaps with joy, excitement overwhelming
Getting to you takes an age
Each minute like an hour
Hurry up I'm craving I feel like screaming
But I will have to wait

I have arrived and you are before me
I sigh deeply as I walk towards you
You smell delicious
Bet you taste even better
I have waited long enough
I need you

I speak 'one boneless banquet for one please with gravy and a full fat coke, no ice'

KFC
How I've missed you
You were so worth the wait

She knows the rules of this love game off by heart,
Contents within the cardboard box confines,
The plastic packaging keeping her safe and in place,
No enthusiastic shaking from the outside can dislodge a single item.

But inside,
Inside the box,
She causes mischief,
A misplaced piece substituted awkwardly,
A wrongly folded rule sheet,
A rip in a playing card,
A weighted dice,
A swear word scrawled,
Pieces in the wrong places.

Sabotaging for personal gain,
Disregarding temporarily the personal loss,
The thrill of naughtiness,
Disobeying the rules,
The knowing smile from both parties,
Push a little, push, push, stop,
Tidy up and put away,
A stern look,
A short sharp reminder,
No game playing the game states.

The way your face dimpled when you smiled
A smile that showed your ever so British crooked teeth

The scattering of freckles upon your nose
Upon your shoulders, arms and that random patch above your belly button

The smell of your aftershave
Of the cigarettes you smoke and the washing powder you use

The way you raised your voice to a boom when angry
And the way it shook like a scared child when you cried

The feeling of your strong arms wrapped around my frame
Protecting me from the world like a father protects his daughter

The way you overchewed your food, a hark back to your childhood rules
And the way you folded your clothes and made the bed

The intensity between us when we met
The intensity between us when you left

I will forget you

The way my eyes water when I laugh too much
And how I snort unexpectedly and blush

The little beauty spot I have just above my lip
And the one on my shoulder and that random one just above my belly button

The smell of my perfume
Of the cigarettes I pretend not to smoke and the conditioner I use

The way my voice whistles like a kettle when angry
And the way I speak at 90 miles an hour when I'm upset

My frame wrapped within and dwarfed within your embrace
Protecting me from the world like a father protects his daughter

The way I wolf down my food, like I've never been fed
And the way amongst chaos of house mess, I know the location of every item

The intensity between us when we met
The intensity between us when you left

You will forget me

Your watch sits upon the table,
You sleep soundly as I twist and turn it within my hands,
Beautifully cold and hard,
Tick, tick, tick, tock

The workings within, a mystery,
Dissecting the mechanisms,
Pulling apart the cogs and miniscule screws,
Oil greased fingers clumsy as I study each part,
With a microscope and a squint,

Seeking an affirmation from the metal shell within,
Making small encouraging noises purely for effect,
My simple mind,
Your complexities.