i am sitting here missing you, and it hurts.
missing you hurts.
not like the pain of accidentally giving yourself a paper cut, or being punched, but a pain so deep that i wonder which is deeper,
the ocean or the pain in me from missing you.
the bottom of me is so mysterious, perhaps not as mysterious as the bottom of the ocean, but what is so mysterious?
its quite difficult to describe my pain of missing you,
its like when you're absent from my side i can feel that you have taken half of me, the same feeling from when you become so used to having or using something and then losing it.
when you lose it, you can feel the absence.
it saddens you.
my chest closes in, i shake and panic,
i dont want to spend any second of my life without you,
i am frightened at the fact that without you,
there'd be no me.

These be
comfortable
things: tea on a rainy
day... a kiss on the cheek from your
love... sleep.  
                                                                         These be
                                                                         three sharp things: knifes...
                                                                          the edge of a table...
                                                                          being stabbed in the back by
                                                                          a friend.

These be
three unknown things:
when the world will end... num-
ber of stars in the sky... heaven and hell.

The boogeyman sleeps on your side of the bed,
whispers in my ear "you're better off dead."
He fills my dreams with sirens and lights of regret,
and kisses me gently when I wake up in sweat.
You crossed the water, left me ashore,
it killed me enough but you wanted more.
You blew up the bridge, a mad terrorist waved from your side.
You threw me a kiss.
I tried to follow, but realized too late,
there was nothing but air beneath my feet.
Finally I felt beat.
First you inspected me,
then dissected me,
at last you rejected me.
I wait for the day that you will resurrect me.

your eyes are hurricanes;
they enrapture me in their
stormy green-blue shades,
they whisk me away
like alice
to your wonderland.

your lips are earthquakes;
each quiver
of those perfectly curved lips
make me tremble and shake
inwardly
and my knees buckle without
my knowing.

your hands are tsunamis;
they travel up and down,
a mind of their own,
aliens.
they caress every curve and edge,
study every detail of
the skin
over my muscles and bones.

you, my dear
are a spectacle indeed.

i sexually identify as the 28 degree january breeze sneaking through your cracked window at 5am

one time a school of fish said to me, "everything will be fine. we promise. just hang around longer."

it was mid-june, i believed them

one time i tweeted, "you have so much undiscovered depth. you are an ocean,"
referring to my gay friend who is known for being sassy and, well, gay
and not for what he really is
or what he's worth

anyway, someone replied to it
"you're a cork in the ocean"
and to this day i still think about what the **** that even means
but its poetic sounding and i like it
i guess

we are all the **** of a great cosmic joke
and i am not me anymore
i'm a hurricane aftermath
it swept away all the worth i had left
and here i am,
incompletely resolute

my favourite shade of orange is the one leaves turn before they commit suicide and if that doesn't say something about my personality then i don't know what does

all i'm trying to say is that
the grass is green for a reason and it turns brown and ugly sometimes but it always goes back to how it was before and i need you to promise me that you'll hold on

you are the difference between
the salt and the honey
you both pour on my wounds
you are the way i feel
after 2 cups of coffee and
the first cigarette of the day
you are the purple, red, yellow
you are the blue in the
pigment of my knuckles after
biting them, waiting for your
sweetest replies and
your most bitter neglect
you are the gold glitter
my heart is so fond of
you are the realizations
i make and forget by morning
you've waited so long for this
i don't know how you handle
being the center of
everything i cannot